If you can’t bring yourself to ask the guy’s SO or the guy himself, then don’t bring anything. It’s just for a weekend, the rest of you ought to be able to survive.
My best friends is 20 years sober and on rare occasions I’ll have a beer in her presence, but I think it’s more polite to have whatever she’s having. And the discipline has been good for me.
[QUOTE=herownself]
If there is an adult on the trip who can’t go a weekend without booze, then newly sober friend is not the only alcoholic in the group.
[/QUOTE]
IMHO, this is bologna. It’s not a question of not being able to do it. Why should a whole group not drink because one new non-drinker shows up. I think the question should be - should the newly sober go on a camping trip with a group of adults who might drink.
So, baileygrrrl, what is your position?
OCS, I got the joke and thought it was very clever.
I have a friend that is coming along with my family on the trip. She insisted that we bring beer and that he should be able to deal with it. I suggested we talk to our friend (wife of the sober fella) and ask her how she felt about us having alcohol this weekend. We spoke with the friend and she assured us that she would have no problem with us bringing alcohol and that her husband was aware of the situation and ok with it.
Part of me says to bring some wine or something and just be discreet and the other part of me says bringing any alcohol would be assholish and not at all supportive of our friend. Unfortunately, my friend is being an asshole about it.
Another vote for not bringing the alcohol. In general, my rule of thumb is “if I have to ask then that’s probably a sign that maybe I should just skip doing it.”
Think of some other fun drink or food items you can bring instead of the beer. Popsicles. Freeze-dried ice cream (astronaut ice cream.) Freeze-dried pizza if you can find it. Pomegranate juice. Learn how to open a coconut with a machete and have some coconut. Buy a champagne sword, buy some bottles of sparkling cider, and open the bottle with a sword! ( How to Open a Champagne Bottle with a Sword (with Pictures) )
I would tell my friend ‘you bring whatever you want and I bring what I want.’ Or if your friend is getting on your nerves tell her you’ll be in charge of the beer and bring O’Doul’s (a non-alcoholic beer for those of you that aren’t familiar with the brand.)
I’d stop worrying about the alcohol and start worrying about why your girlfriend is being such a jerk about it.
Saying “he should be able to deal with it” is really jerky and insensitive. The goal of AA is teaching people how to “deal with it” in that it tries to teach them how to live in a world with alcohol in it without drinking any themselves. I don’t know how long it takes most people to achieve some degree of comfort with being around other people who are drinking, but three months is a short enough time that you can’t make any assumptions about his ability to “deal with it.” I’m glad you asked your newly sober friend about it, and you have to take him at his word that it’s okay.
But really, I worry about your girlfriend’s attitude. I mean, let’s say you decided to bring some alcohol and were drinking it, when your newly sober friend realized that he was really struggling with the situation. Sounds like you’d have no trouble putting the alcohol away. But based on the little you’ve said, sounds like your girlfriend wouldn’t be too gracious about it.
[QUOTE=Phlosphr]
He should have the tool she needs
[/QUOTE]
I realize it was just a run of the mill typo, but I giggled my fool head off at that line.
Three months? I’d skip bringing the booze. No matter how well he’s doing, three months isn’t very long, and I wouldn’t want to stress him out. I wouldn’t be comfortable drinking anything with alcohol in front of him. I don’t knowingly drink around recovery people unless they say it’s fine; it’s not like I have to, and I don’t want to be rude.
(However, if they say it’s okay, I can then amuse them with my lightweightedness. I know one very longtime AAer who picks on me sometimes by calling me a cheap drunk. And that was before I moved to a town at about 5000 feet! I am now an even cheaper drunk!)
[QUOTE=baileygrrrl]
Part of me says to bring some wine or something and just be discreet and the other part of me says bringing any alcohol would be assholish and not at all supportive of our friend. Unfortunately, my friend is being an asshole about it.
[/QUOTE]
No. Have a good time. Craptastic & Assholish are not words to describe bringing alcohol on a camping trip*.
*Unless you plan to play quarters with his wife and then bed him after she passes out. :eek:
Just say ‘No’ to the Coleman tent-show. 
Ask. The guy probably feels like his recent drinking problem is the elephant in the room anyway, so he’d probably appreciate if you’re upfront about it.
You and the others do not need the alcohol. He needs his sobriety. He wins. Leave the booze at home.
[QUOTE=Green Bean]
But really, I worry about your girlfriend’s attitude. I mean, let’s say you decided to bring some alcohol and were drinking it, when your newly sober friend realized that he was really struggling with the situation. Sounds like you’d have no trouble putting the alcohol away. But based on the little you’ve said, sounds like your girlfriend wouldn’t be too gracious about it.
[/QUOTE]
I hope she isn’t ungracious before that point “yuuummm, nothing like a cold beer out here on the campground.” Or the whole “oh, I know lots of people who can drink - you just need to learn to stop - here, have a sip, it won’t kill you.”
[QUOTE=herownself]
If there is an adult on the trip who can’t go a weekend without booze, then newly sober friend is not the only alcoholic in the group.
[/QUOTE]
Words of wisdom indeed.
Man, I can’t get over all these people treating this dry guy as some fragile little flower who needs to be protected from himself.
For whatever reason he decided that he cannot drink responsibly. So what kinda jerk would he be if he were to think his decision should dictate everyone else’s behavior?
I stopped drinking sometime in April 3 years back. In the following 3 months I played a lot of golf with my buddies who still drank heavily, and was in a number of situations where I traditionally would have drunk - Memorial Day, 4th of July, etc. There’s always going to be a situation coming up to remind you that you aren’t drinking. All you have to do is admit to yourself that you want to say “No,” and stick with that decision.
Also, IME there is sort of a benefit to going places where people are drinking when newly sober in that so many folk effusively compliment you on your decision and dedication. It’s wonderful when you can get credit for simply not being a fuck-up!
Bottomline, everyone is different. I guess there are some folks who have to be coddled through their sobriety. But if this guy and those nearest him say it is no problem, then there is no reason to change your behavior. It certainly is not unreasonable IMO for people to expect to drink a little - or even a lot - on a camping trip. When I was newly sober or today, I’d feel like a jerk if I felt people were denying themselves something they otherwise wanted to do because they thought I couldn’t deal with it.
[QUOTE=Dinsdale]
Man, I can’t get over all these people treating this dry guy as some fragile little flower who needs to be protected from himself.
For whatever reason he decided that he cannot drink responsibly. So what kinda jerk would he be if he were to think his decision should dictate everyone else’s behavior?
I stopped drinking sometime in April 3 years back. In the following 3 months I played a lot of golf with my buddies who still drank heavily, and was in a number of situations where I traditionally would have drunk - Memorial Day, 4th of July, etc. There’s always going to be a situation coming up to remind you that you aren’t drinking. All you have to do is admit to yourself that you want to say “No,” and stick with that decision.
Also, IME there is sort of a benefit to going places where people are drinking when newly sober in that so many folk effusively compliment you on your decision and dedication. It’s wonderful when you can get credit for simply not being a fuck-up!
Bottomline, everyone is different. I guess there are some folks who have to be coddled through their sobriety. But if this guy and those nearest him say it is no problem, then there is no reason to change your behavior. It certainly is not unreasonable IMO for people to expect to drink a little - or even a lot - on a camping trip. When I was newly sober or today, I’d feel like a jerk if I felt people were denying themselves something they otherwise wanted to do because they thought I couldn’t deal with it.
[/QUOTE]
Agreed. It’s fucking ridiculous.
Ask him? Are you people insane? It’s a camping trip! What do you think most adults do on a camping trip? Play Monopoly, roast marshmallows and in bed by 8? Adults go on camping trips to drink, pig out, smoke grass, play guitar and sing songs, laugh, tell lies, maybe play drunken poker, etc.
It’s not a night over someone’s house, it’s a trip.
If the dude’s serious about his non-drinking, and doesn’t feel comfortable around people drinking, he should avoid going to places where you know, people DRINK.
What would you do if the guy decided to show up at a bar? Would you not drink around him, or would you ask his wife if drinking in front of him was OK?
Please. Everyone who says either “don’t drink” or “ask” is completely full of shit. I’ve gone camping tons of times as an adult, and yes there were people there who did not drink, but it was never up for discussion. The non-drinkers would feel terrible if they thought they were imposing.
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp]
Way to squash my joke. :mad:
[/QUOTE]
I think you just don’t appreciate a rye sense of humor. Stop wining about it.
[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett]
Please. Everyone who says either “don’t drink” or “ask” is completely full of shit.
[/QUOTE]
Consider me full of shit, then. Why, the audacity, trying to educate myself about a friend’s comfort level! It is to weep.
[QUOTE=tdn]
Consider me full of shit, then. Why, the audacity, trying to educate myself about a friend’s comfort level! It is to weep.
[/QUOTE]
BS.
[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett]
Agreed. It’s fucking ridiculous.
Ask him? Are you people insane? It’s a camping trip! What do you think most adults do on a camping trip? Adults go on camping trips to drink, pig out, smoke grass, play guitar and sing songs, laugh, tell lies, maybe play drunken poker, etc.
[/quote]
Not all of these are equally the point of a camping trip. There are many people who enjoy being outside without needing to get ripped to do it.
The point of being in a bar, usually, is to drink. The guy knows this and makes his decision about whether whatever else is going on in that bar – socializing with friends, hearing a band, playing pool – is important enough to him to go into that environment. There is no inherent connection – at least not in the real world – between camping and drinking. No, really. People can go for 24, sometimes even 48, hours without drinking and have a good time.
If it’s impossible for you to imagine ways to have fun – whether in the great outdoors or anywhere else – without consuming chemicals, you might want to take a look at your own behavior and dependence on drugs and alcohol.
And those people have a choice to make: Do I go where there is drinking or do I not go where there is drinking?
Edit: Your argument implies that I’d be forcing the non-drinker to drink, which is clearly not the case.
[QUOTE=twickster]
If it’s impossible for you to imagine ways to have fun – whether in the great outdoors or anywhere else – without consuming chemicals, you might want to take a look at your own behavior and dependence on drugs and alcohol.
[/QUOTE]
Who said this? Don’t twist it to fit your needs. You sound like a commercial from an after school special.
Maybe I enjoy drinking in the great outdoors? Maybe I don’t drink much at all and look forward to having a few once or twice a year while camping? Who are you to say that I cannot enjoy myself?