If he was up for antiquing you can be certain he’s not interested in her in that way.
“He wants in the panties. if a guy wants a friend, he gets a dog.”
This should be bumper sticker.
Tell this chap that when you are ready, youll invite him for coffee.
Dragongirl, I find it interesting that you still haven’t said how YOU feel about this guy; are you interested in him at all? Do YOU want to be his friend? It’s not all about what the guy wants, you know. And, FTR, staying away from situations you’re not sure of is probably a good thing. Being unsure of the situation could be your intuition talking to you, telling you that this isn’t something you want to get involved in.
Well the way I feel about him is that he seems like a nice guy and I try to be a nice person, but I’m not interested in having an affair with him. I don’t want to have a cup of coffee with him only to find out that he wants more then just friendship, I hate being put in an awkward situation. I just really don’t know what the deal is. I like meeting people and you can never have enough friends, but I don’t want him to think I’m interested in something I’m not, and I don’t want to make a fool of myself and tell him I’m not interested in him only to find out that all he wanted was friendship to begin with.
I just don’t know.
Just my two cents. So far this guy doesn’t sound like a stalker or a jerk. Yes, he is probably interested in you as more than a friend but he isn’t asking you to go to the beach with him. If you feel OK with him, have coffee and talk. You may find a new friend. Just make it clear that you’re married and don’t lead him on. (Not that you’d do that.)
Upon reading your last post, I don’t see how you would make a fool of yourself or him just by talking and being honest.
dragongirl, have you told him you are married? If you haven’t the next time he asks you out for coffee you may try responding with something like “Well, I’ll have to let my Husband know…” and see how he reacts.
As far as the others who claim that a male that they have never met is trying to get into your panties just because he’s a male are off base. All us males don’t only think of sex all the time. I have met some really good female friends in the same sort of situations.
Slee
I don’t thinks it’s a problem of him wanting simply sex for sex’s sake. It’s more a problem of the guy hoping for a romantic attachment to Dragongirl. She seems to want to avoid leading him on.
The guy may not be all about sex, but given the circumstances as described, I think the chances that the guy wants only platonic friendship is virtually nil. As always, other people’s mileage may vary.
Manda JO is likely correct about the guy probably being both a genuinely nice guy and genuinely interested in Dragongirl romantically as opposed to a “player”. Be that as it may, Dragongirl has to do what she feels is right by her marriage.
Is the dude blind? Can he not see your wedding ring?
OBJECTION: The OP calls for speculation.
Nobody knows what this guy wants.
I say give him a shot a being a friend. I date women, and I also have several female friends as well as male friends. Big deal. Men and women can be friends, and I would encourage my SO to have male and female friends (if I had an SO). Past SO’s have had both male and female friends, and it’s never been an issue.
All you gotta do is nonchalantly drop your husband into the conversation. For example, if this guy asks how you are doing, grab your coffee with the hand bearing your wedding ring (if any) and say, “Great! I went to the beach with my husband, and we had a great time.”
Though you may want to substitute going to the beach with some activity you actually did.
In my mind going out for coffee with this man is a “date”. If you do not wish to date this man, tell him so. He may be just looking for a new friend, but I doubt it.
Oh, sweet Christ here we go again. If I posted a message hereabouts saying “All women can’t drive for shit” or “All women don’t have what it takes to handle senior management jobs” or “All women are emotional wrecks with violent and irrational mood swings”, then of course I’d be flamed and rightly.
But “All men are ever sex all the time, anywhere they can get it” slips by under the wire.
Hey, a wake-up call for the women out there. You know, some of you are actually sexually resistible! Whaddya know!
I’m a man. I’m a likeable, pleasant, helpful kind of man. I have a positive attitude towards people, and that includes women. I can introduce you, right now, to at least two dozen women I know for whom I’ve done really nice favours in the past couple of months. How many of these favours were sexually motivated? Not one.
I can introduce you, right now, to about the same number of female friends whom I see socially, and who would tell you I’m actually a nice friend to have, and whom I probably first met by saying something like “Fancy a cup of coffee?”. How many of these have I ever slept with, tried to or wanted to? Big shock answer: None at all, unless she was the one to instigate that side of things.
I’m no freak. I’m actually a typical man. It’s just that a small minority of guys (those who seem to think sexual incontinence is a plus point) get all the headlines and attention.
You know, sometimes a cup of coffee is just a cup of coffee. Sometimes friendliness is friendliness. And (a note for women everywhere) sometimes, just sometimes, you are seriously flattering yourselves.
So, in answer to the OP, we don’t know about this guy’s motives, and it’s unfair to pre-judge the guy, especially to pre-judge by applying a weird, inaccurate, mythologised, hysterical and unsupported assumption about men. You see, the trouble with you women is that you don’t have the communication gifts that we men have. So let me help you. If you want to know what this guy’s intentions are, then ask him.
My apologies. Second para should read:
But “All men are after sex all the time, anywhere they can get it” slips by under the wire.
I’ll throw in with the Harry Met Sally crowd, with the fooolowing exception.
He may be involved, and just looking for a morning commuter friend.
But if he’s not already involved, he’s interested in getting involved with you. It’s just the way we are. There’s nothing shady or evil about it, unless we ignore dismissals or rejections.
My problem is that I hate dismissals and rejections, so I hardly ever ask, I just pine from afar. I wish I did what he’s doing more often.
ianzin, I’m a guy too and I say you’re full of sh*t. 
Seriously. If you honestly ever make conversation out of the blue with a woman that you don’t find at all attractive, then I feel confident in saying you are abnormal. Unless you’re gay then the point is moot but then you certainly don’t speak for most het males.
I’m not saying that men can’t have perfectly platonic relationships with females. However, most men initiate social contact with women because they find them attractive for one reason or another. They may never pursue the attraction and those feelings will generally go away with familiarity but they’re usually there to start with.
The generalization that most men want sex is true. As long as people understand, it’s a generalization and doesn’t hold true for all men, they’re ok. Generalizations are ok. They give us a starting point from which to work from.
As for the OP, I’ll echo what most have said. The guy probably wants sex but seems harmless
enough and you should make it clear you have a hubby before proceeding. Even if he noticed the ring, he may assume you’re one of those women who wears rings to cut down on the frequent pickup attempts such an attractive woman must obviously receive. (note: I’m not saying attractive women receive frequent come-ons, I’m just explaining one possible line of thought from this guy)
I see. So any het male who doesn’t see things your way is de facto “full of shit”, unquote. Well, thanks for the enlightenment.
I feel confident in saying that your capacity for self-expression, your inclination towards abuse, and your outlook on women, all say a lot more about you than they ever could about me. I also think you’re on the wrong message board. This one is about fighting ignorance, not being proud of it.
But gee, no hard feelings, and good luck with your quest to discover the secret of fire.
Meanwhile, I’ll continue - along with millions upon millions of other men - to treat women with the respect, regard and admiration they deserve, which has nothing to do with their looks. And if that sometimes mean taking the time to notice that someone might welcome a friendly word, or an encouraging smile, or could use some company, or might be fun to get to know, then so be it - I’ll connect.
dragongirl,
A. Have you (through casual conversation) let the gentleman know that you are happily married (assuming that’s the case)?
B. Are you planning to tell your husband about this get-together prior to it actually taking place?
If the answer to either of those questions is “no”, then I’d say you should decline the coffee invitation.
I’ve mentioned my kids, but not my husband, only because it hasn’t come up. I always were my rings though.
I also told my husband about it. He just kind of laughed, I don’t think he’s too worried about it. I haven’t been back to the convience store since he asked me for coffee, not because for him, just because I haven’t needed to.
ianzin, you definitely aren’t “full of shit”. However, I think you are a rarer find among men than you may realize. While you may have no problem treating women as full-fledged people, I think the vast majority of men do have such a problem. Perhaps it’s a maturity issue.
I’m with Ianzin. Hats off to you.
As I said earlier, nobody knows what he wants. I guess the inference to be drawn from my statement is that not all guys want pusy from every woman they encounter*.
I don’t like being lumped in with the so-called male “dogs”. I don’t think it’s fair to have a rebuttable presumption that I’m just out to get laid just because I’m a guy.
For example, what do you think about this statement, “That guy is black, so I’m going to assume that he’s a chicken and watermelon-eating gangbanger until he proves otherwise.” Is that a fair generalization to make about someone under the premise that “Generalizations are ok. They give us a starting point from which to work from?”
Recently, I found myself having lunch with 5 of my female friends. No other guys were present. I did not want to sleep with any of of the women present.
Further, it’s not a “date” unless there is some mutual romantic interest, in my book. If you don’t have any romantic interest, then you are just having coffee with a friend, which is by no means scandalous, and there is no need to “confess” to your hubby.
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Next time you see him, mention hubby, but do not agree to go out with him. Tell him you are busy, but maybe you’ll take a rain check.
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Wait a while before going back.
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When you go back, see if he renews his request to have coffee. If not, then he was probably interested and has “let it go.” If he does renew, then he probably just wants to be friends.
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If you find he’s interested even after you disclose hubby, then tell him you’re not interested and be done with it. No harm done.
Some guys realize that chicks are people, too. 
“I also told my husband about it.”
Bring hubby to the store & see what the guy has to say.