I think this is the way forward. 
As others have said, family members often feel embarrassed to say “No, I can’t help”. So they offer to help. Then they get guilty when you remind them. Then they get grumpy when you remind them again.
If they don’t help, don’t ask them again.
If they do ever help, thank them (and perhaps offer to help them).
Merci beaucoup!
I just couldn’t get this image of a kid in a Little Lord Faunterloy outfit out of my head…
Same here. It seems as if whenever I depend on anyone to do anything for me, big or small, 9 times out of 10 the plan isn’t carried out in a way that doesn’t leave my hair falling out with stress and aggravation. It’s not like I’m a control freak either. People are just plain unreliable.
The older I get, the more I try to finesse this. There are people I would really rather not feel indebted to, so I’d have to be pretty desperate to ask for their help.
E.g. have you ever agreed to help someone move, and when you arrive that morning, they haven’t even packed? What should have taken a couple hours can become an all-day ordeal. Some people are happy to spend/waste your time pretty freely like that. I would be careful not to ask a favor from such a person.
There are also those who will come through with the favor, but seem to hold on to it forever. They’ll drop it into a conversation two years later, sort of like maybe you still owe them. IMO people are lousy accountants: you might have done half a dozen favors in return, but what they remember is the one time they put themselves out for you.
And if the build up was like in the OP—you’re thinking, ‘Yeah, you did me the favor once I reminded you a dozen times, and only then at the last minute. You didn’t do it well or give me what I specifically asked for.’ etc.—well, I’ll let you fill in your own retort that you’ll probably never say out loud. I don’t ask for favors from these people either.
A quote I always remember:
nothing to see here…move along 
The thing I hate is the “stealth deadlines.” People ask you to do something but don’t like to come on all heavy about how timely or important it is. So you back-burner or forget it. Then they get pissy, because naturally they expected it pronto all along.
I really think the old RO is involved here: they get to have their cake when they don’t put the pressure on you, then eat it too after you don’t respond immediately.
Perhaps it’s a trait of smugly responsible people to test those around them and find them wanting, which makes the smugly responsible feel even smugger after all the pissyness is over.
That’s not directed at my OP, is it? If someone says that they’ll do it this weekend, and then several weeks later lies about whether it was done or not, is what really chaps my hide. At the end of the day, I just feel pissed off and frustrated for having been misled. I certainly don’t feel smug, and my original purpose wasn’t to “test” anyone, I’d just like to have my damn mail forwarded to me if at all possible. I also don’t much care for the idea that I have to constantly badger or shout at people (“come on all heavy” as you put it) in order to encourage them to keep their word.
Doug, reread the OP. Slowly. Carefully. Then look in a mirror.
… And then you present him your bill for the towing charges and/or major repairs that could’ve been prevented had they been caught early.
Right?
Not so much. He does usually help me out with the bill just because he makes a lot more than I do and he’s my best friend, but I guarantee if I presented him with a bill he would take it as such an affront that it would end our friendship. I’ve just learned to not trust him with anything critical and he somehow still holds on to his opinion of himself as reliable and dependable. :rolleyes: For me it’s just become a trait that you don’t like in another but accept because they’re good in other ways.
One of the people who does this to me (well, steps 1-3.) simply has no sense of priority. He kind of runs on a last in-first out system. So, if you ask him to do something now - you have to keep him focused on that thing or else some other thing (or many other things) will come along and knock your request down the queue. If you ask him to do something later, you have to first stop him from doing it now - and then refocus his attention when later finally comes around.
I’ve also seen myself do the same thing. In fact, this thread just reminded me of something that I said I’d do and haven’t yet.
Like others said, you make a mental note not to ask them for anything in the future. Once I’d been through this once or twice with different people I noticed the warning signs and found another way to get it done. Once you get to Stage 2 the alarm bells should be going off and you should start looking at alternatives. I hate doing group work because there’s always at least one person like this in any group I’ve ever been saddled with.
The only thing it’s symptomatic of is that people are flakey, some more than others.