This is basically what occurred to me, too. I’ve been drunk, but it’s never once seemed like a good idea to steal from a friend.
No, he’s not. He knows his friend has figured out that he stole $20 from her and he posted this thread hoping that clever Dopers would help him fabricate a convincing story to tell her to get out of it. That’s my take on this thread. And I agree 100% with everyone who said that there isn’t a story possible that you could tell after confessing that would get her to believe it wasn’t a theft and bullshit cover story, unless she is an idiot.
Okay, but—I’m just going to float this out there, as a sort of devil’s advocate position, in the interest of spirited debate—what if Otto really is an idiot?
Around fifteen years ago I was partying at the house of a female friend of mine, doing tequila shots until the early morning hours. She passed out and I thought it would be funny if I pulled her pants down and put my penis in her. I figured she’d wake up and get a big kick out of it, me pretending to “rape” her. (I know, it sounds like such a bad idea in retrospect… but it’s really not my fault. I blame Jose Cuervo!)
Turns out she never did wake up, and I got so tired of waiting that I guess I must’ve ejaculated, then left soon afterward. She never brought it up, but things definitely cooled off between us after that. From time to time I still check in on her, though, and her son Vinnie. Typical sullen 14-year old; goes by the nickname “Turnip.” I swear I’ll never understand kids. Thank God I never plan to have any.
It is to laugh!
Great analogy, sometimes the consequences *do *far outweigh the intent of our actions.
Haha Zen.
Brilliant.
Am I the only one here thinking that the victim KNOWS it was Otto who took the money? I have a hard time imagining the kind of weirdo who would call every guest asking for a 20. She called Otto because she knew it was him.
Let’s not even bother thinking how she knew. Now she called him and he denied it. That was the last chance to come clean out of this one.
I think the OP is out of a friend already. He can choose between keeping a $20 and keeping a conscience. Keeping the friend is a train that left the station one $20 bill ago.
Come on Otto, update.
Play poker. Take the $20 and parley it into a small fortune. Split the take. Everyone is a winner.
Find a way to sneak the bill back into the house. I was thinking, maybe slide the $20 under the door.
That’s the only solution I can think of.
Poor Otto.
Why “poor Otto?” He’s $20 richer than he was on Oct. 17.
Not if, as I suspect, he followed Loach’s plan. He’s probably a few bucks down by now. 
Yeah. There’s not a lot you can mean by “Do you know anything about a missing $20?” What else could he say besides either he took it or not? “Yeah, I saw it ease its way out of the jar and out the door.”
What are you talking about? My plan is flawless.
She already figured out that Otto filched the twenty. She’s even trying to be clever about letting him know that she knows. There is only one thing left to do and only one best way to do it: Otto has to eliminate her. He has to break into her apartment one night and shoot her up with a high dose of methanol. It’s very hard to catch, even with an autopsy. Then, just to make sure his tracks are covered, he has to set fire to the apartment building. Use Bacardi 151 as the accelerant, but don’t leave the bottle anywhere conspicuous. A fully loaded bookshelf will go up quick, and it’ll be hard to determine cause.
I know it sounds harsh, but she’s making him do this. All he wanted to do was borrow $20 for a while and play it off as a joke. Now she’s gotta be a wiseass, and he’s gotta play hardball with her.
Maybe he could roll up the $20 bill and a note of apology and explanation and put them up his ass. Then, casually drop by her place. While chatting, he could mention that he’s been experiencing some odd discomfort in his nether regions and ask her if she’d mind taking a look to see if there is anything unusual.
Eric? Eric Cartman? Is that you? 
I’m sure that worked great when you proposed to your wife but it doesn’t seem very appropriate for this situation.
You are such a romantic.
Best post ever.
Well come on, man, don’t keep us in suspenders.
Maybe they don’t have internet in prison.