A guy dies, leaving three small children (6 mos, 4 years, and maybe 10). He left a hefty life insurance policy, which doubled (maybe tripled) because he died on company property. I believe the total was somewhere between a 1/2 mil and a mil in life insurance payouts.
Survivors set up a trust fund for everyone to donate to. Doting Grandparents are somewhere between very comfortable and wealthy. Mother was in her mid-30s and capable of a decent job.
This was a family member. I know that no one is obligated to give anything, but is it considered bad form not to give to the trust fund in this situation?
I think it’s odd and pushy. A gift? I’ve given people money when their relatives have died. In every case the person really needed help covering the funeral costs.
I agree. I’ve heard of sending money to help out when a family is in need, or even making a “memorial donation to…” and of course sending flowers, but a gift implies celebration.
Not “celebration” as in “the funeral was a celebration of his life” but rather “congratulations on your father’s death! Heeeeeere’s a prezzie!”
If someone had bought us a statue to plant in our garden for my dad’s death, we would have thought they were really weird. Actually, same with the tree. Choices about how you wish to remember a departed loved one are very personal, so someone saying “Here! We bought you a gift certificate for a bronze figure/tree/garden statue!” would also be a little presumptuous, IMHO. Certainly in our case, we’d prefer “none of the above” and wouldn’t want to have to deal with anyone asking why we never got our bronze figure/tree/gnome that they’d paid for.
Collecting money to send flowers on behalf of the group is cool. A gift is a little strange to me, even if the intentions are good.
This girl Y, whose father died, is the biggest “no show” of any of the ladies in the group. We have a standing rule: if you aren’t able to come to bunco night, it is your responsibility to get a substitute.
Bunco is on the same night of the month, every month. Each person has their own month to be hostess, this list is given to the members at the beginning of the year. The list also has names and phone numbers of substitues who are willing to play at the drop of a hat.
This girl NEVER gets her own sub. And she only shows up half the time. Matter of fact, she has not played at my house for the last 3 years. Sometimes she calls up (usually the day of the event) and just informs me that she’s not coming, and never says boo about a sub. Sometimes she just doesn’t show up.
The only reason this matters is that there needs to be a multiple of 4 people to play the game. Kind of like bridge.
I really see no harm in either e-mail. You are in no way obliged to send money. If you don’t wish to, politely decline, and move on. No one should hold it against you, just as you shouldn’t hold anything against the organizer of the fund.
The first note was not rude. The second was not only rude, but was written in such a crass fashion for the occation that I wonder if the author wasn’t drunk when she wrote it…
The first note was fine. The second note was rude.
Although I, too, am confused about the whole gifts for funerals thing. Some nice flowers or a tasteful card with some cash in it is one thing - far, far too many people find out that a loved one has no burial insurance and no means of paying for a funeral after the fact (or people die unexpectedly, much younger than the age where one would be contemplating such matters). Funerals are sufficiently expensive that the cost of the arrangements can be a major burden on the bereaved, but who gives presents at a funeral?