This will probably degrade into a pissy rant. I just wanted to warn you.
I’ve had problems with my knee for about 13 years now. It all started when I was young and stupid. (Don’t most great surgery stories start like that?) When I was 16, (1990, for those of you playing at home) I went to a concert. To make a long story short, a guy ended up chasing me for stealing his beer, (which I did not do) and I ended up jumping off of a 20 foot ledge, landing lock-kneed on the pavement below. After realizing that he was not going to quit chasing me, I pried myself up off the ground, and ran like hell. With the cartiliage in both knees crushed into bits. :eek: Don’t try this at home. I have pictures of the ledge somewhere. I sometimes wonder how I made it out of my teens alive.
Well, after copious amounts of physical therapy, injections, and x-rays, I was back to normal. (Well, as normal as I can get.) I quit skateboarding, volleyball, and soccer to protect my knee. Then, in about January of 2000, it started acting up again. I went to an orthopedic specialist, who told me that there was something wrong with my knee. (Thanks, Dr. Stupid! :D) He sent me to get more x-rays, which showed diddly-squat, then I had to go for an MRI. I am totally convinced that he sent me for the MRI just so my insurance could be billed $4K for it. Yup, that’s right, ladies and gents. $4000 DOLLARS. I know it’s an expensive test, and that a lot of technology and research went into the actual MRI machine, but DAMN. I wish I could charge $4k an hour for something. In any case, the MRI was inconclusive, so they decided to just go ahead and do the surgery.
I tore the meniscus in my knee. (Not from top to bottom, like a normal person, but from side to side, so it looked like some warped kind of clamshell.) So, in May of 2000, I had orthoscopic surgery. They removed a bunch of bone fragments from the back of my kneecap, and off the bones in my leg. My doctor is such a kind soul that he gave me a video copy of the surgery. It’s great fun at parties; if you want a copy, let me know.
Well, now my knee is wigging out on me again. It’s the same thing, pain radiating from the inside right behind my kneecap. And I’m tired of physical therapy, shots, x-rays, MRIs, and scary surgery thoughts. I just want my knee to work for a solid year before it decides to turn to Jello and make me walk like George Jefferson. I want to be able to sit in my office without having to do the tango under my desk to find a comfortable position. I don’t want to have to be doped up all day to keep from screaming in agony if I don’t dance down the hallway like I’m Michael Fucking Flatley.
I don’t want to have to think about having surgery to fix something that’s obviously NEVER going to be “fixed”. And dammit, I don’t want to have an MRI done every year! I’m claustrophobic, for crying out loud! I don’t want to be slid into a tube and told not to move or breathe! Do you know how difficult it is to NOT BREATHE when you’re freaking out, feeling like the walls are closing in on you, and you’re basically in what could pass for COFFIN SPACE? I asked if they had one of the new “open” MRIs, and they said, “no, the pictures aren’t quite as accurate, so we haven’t bothered.” Gah! Maybe I shouldn’t bother with the “not breathing” thing!
When the fuck are they going to do something constructive for my knee so that I don’t have to keep doing this? I mean, I’m at the point that I would rather take pain pills for the rest of my life and walk like one of the guys from Monty Python than go back to the doctor again.
