Here’s the story: about six months ago, I moved out of my parents house and into the fraternity house.
My family is quite religious (Methodist). Mom and Dad have been married 25 years or so, and they have five kids. I’m the second.
When we were small, M&D struggled to support five kids on Dad’s paycheck (Mom was a housewife), so we didn’t go out to eat except for birthdays and special occasions, and VERY rarely fast food. 90% of our toys were presents from birthdays or christmas, we didn’t get an allowance, we got new clothes only when we needed them, most of our food was off-brand to save money. We always took sack lunches to school, only being allowed to buy hot lunch once a week, IF that, and it usually came with begging “Mom, it’s PIZZA day!!”
When I turned 12, I was given a $25/month allowance, which naturally went towards hot lunches at school.
When I turned 15, my parents started pressuring me to get a job and support myself, as they did my older brother. So I got a job and have been working - unemployment being a rarity - for the past four years. I’m 19, if you couldn’t do the math.
When I turned 16, I was allowed to use the spare vehicle, a huge old truck, IF I bought gas and otherwise maintained it. I did get to use dad’s Metro to go to work, sometimes. Since I had a job, I was expected to support myself. No allowance, no help. I bought my own car with my own money (cash, parents refuse to co-sign a loan), pay my insurance out of my own pocket, buy all my own clothes, etc., the only thing provided was food, shelter, and toiletries.
When I started college, I naturally assumed they would tap into the money they’ve been socking away for college expenses. Well, I made the mistake of getting scholarships, so the college fund was unneeded. Since then, I’ve lost my scholarships, and my parents feel that I should take out loans and pay for college myself because of this, which is what I have done.
When I moved away from home, into the fraternity house, this trend of non-payment continued, forcing me to now pay for everything; food, clothes, toiletries, rent, frat dues, car payments, car insurance, etc. Even while I was unemployed and at starvation level, my parents continued to charge me car insurance and car payments, paying them for me and keeping a ‘tab’ for when I have a job and can pay.
Partly because of this detachment, I now owe my parents around 3 grand, the fraternity about 1 grand, and have about 10-12 grand in college loans taken out.
My younger sisters are one who nearly died (and is partially deaf from) spinal meningitis, and two who are twins (which is why mom had 5 kids, she kept trying for twins).
My parents have always provided copious amounts of clothes for the girls, each one has about five times the amount of shirts and pants that I have. They also each have about twenty pairs of shoes, I have two: one pair of Nikes thats about three years old, and a pair of Docs that are about two.
Just the other day, Mom called me, complaining about my not paying my insurance this month (I was laid off recently). The same week, she went shopping with one of the twins and bought her a pair of $80 shoes. (When I was young, the price limit for shoes was $50, and only once a year. Any more often or more expensive and I paid the difference.)
The older one works and pays for most of her own stuff, but still gets just about anything she asks for. She doesn’t really ask for much, preferring to be self sufficient. The younger ones, however, worked for about six months and decided they didn’t like working, so they quit. They have licenses and can drive. I don’t know who pays for their insurance, I assume it’s my parents. Lord knows the twins don’t earn any money, they’ve got no way to pay for it.
I see this dichotomy constantly, me being provided nothing and forced to be self-supportive while my sisters are getting anything (materially) they want. I live at poverty level, wondering where my food will come from next month, whereas my sisters are outfitted in brand new A&F clothes and Sketchers and Jegs and so on. They drive all the vehicles my parents own, not worrying about gas, insurance, or anything else. They go shopping with mom constantly, buying fashionable and expensive clothes, whereas if I ask for clothes money, I’m told I can have $25 the next time we go to Wal-Mart.
This wasn’t a very big issue when I lived at home, the twins were working then and paid for some of their own stuff, their shopping trips were much less frequent and extravagant. I brought it up sometimes, and was either met with confusion (I didn’t know you felt like that… I didn’t realize you felt this was happening… etc) or with excuses (Well, they’re girls… well, they’ll pay me back eventually… etc.) or with anger (I don’t know why you make this an issue… I do not buy more for them than I do for you… etc.). Any way it went, nothing was ever accomplished.
I don’t believe my mom realizes she acts this way (dad’s rather subservient to her, so he’s not an issue) so discussing it with her wouldn’t really amount to much.
I don’t resent my sisters, it’s not their fault. I don’t really resent mom, she’s not really that bright, and very emotional. I simply resent how they are allowed to live in the lap of luxury, all their desires being met, while I’m forced to scrounge for basic subsistence.
Well, I guess this was originally supposed to have SOME point, but along the way turned into what looks like a bunch of whiney sniveling. Guess that’s how it goes, though.
–Tim
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