This one gets the planners rolling over, but results in nary a snort among laypeople.
*In a mid-size, mid-American city, with a mid-size planning department was a zoning administrator who held his post for over 30 years. He had a peculiar morning routine upon his arrival at the office; he would always sit down at his desk, the stealthily look around the office to see if anyone was looking (he never noticed, that the whole office did notice this everyday), then, unlock his top center desk drawer, quickly glance at a 3"x5" card, quickly put the card back in the drawer, and proceed with his daily tasks. This morning ritual had gone on for as long as anyone in the office could remember.
One day, unfortunately, the zoning czar dies. The whole office attends his funeral, three days later, in the morning. Afterward, they all go out to lunch together. Upon returning to the office, the staff is all standing by his old desk, reminiscing about him and his career, when suddenly, they all thought the same thing simultaneously! One planner said to another, “You get a screwdriver. I’ll get a hammer.” So, they proceed to break into the guy’s desk, pull out the 3"x5" card, and then read it aloud to the group: “YELLOW - Residential, RED - Commercial, BLUE - Manufacturing . . . .”*
My favorite, as heard on CarTalk:
An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two-story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. He challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. “Correct,” said the chief. “How did you figure it out?” The warrior answered, “It’s elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.”
There was a young man who said, ‘God,
It has always struck me as odd
That the sycamore tree
Simply ceases to be
When there’s no one about in the quad.’
I forget the name of the physicist who said, “Not only does God play dice with the universe, but the universe is the dice”, or words to that effect
By the way, I was sitting box at the Fremont the day that happened. It wasn’t God, it was just some guy who had taken waaayyyyyy too much acid, and thought he was God. The floorlady threw him out, thus depriving everyone at the table of some really great entertainment.
There was this certian airline that had a flight to Warsaw. For weeks, every single plane crashed just before landing. Finally, an investigator was sent on the plane to attept to discover why.
A few minutes before the plane was due to land, the attendant got on the loudspeaker and announced that, in order to make the trip through customs orderly, all the visitors needed to go to the seats on the left of the plane. All the natives were to sit on the other side.
Of course, thats why the plane crashed.
Because all the poles were on the right half plane.
Well, it rolled 'em in the aisles at the physics depaertment at school.
The tree poem is a comment on the old line, “If a tree falls in the forest, and no one’s around to hear it, does it make a sound.”
There was a philosopher, George Berkeley, who argued that existence is based on perception, so the tree would not make a sound. The limercks is one wag’s response to it.
As for the dice, it was Einstein who said that God does not play dice with the universe. This was his reaction to quantam mechanics, especially things like Schrodiger’s Cat (and if you want to know about that conumdrum, check out Unca Cecil’s column. His version rhymes.
Oh, and Stephen Hawking’s response to Einstein’s comment? “God not only plays dice with the universe, he sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen.”
(Honesty credit: Google helped me with my homework. I’m not nearly as bright as I would like to be.)
Areas in a municipality are, for land use regulation purposes, included in one of several (or many) zoning districts. “R-1” might be single family residential, “R-2” single family residential on a smaller lot, and so on. (Australian cities have zoning, too.) The zoning districts are identified by different colors.
Most zoning administrators usually know what color corresponds with what district. The one in the joke didn’t.
A businessman arriving in Boston for a convention found that his first evening was free, and he decided to go find a good seafood restaurant that served Scrod, a Massachusetts specialty. Getting into a taxi, he asked the cab driver, “Do you know where a guy can get Scrod around here?” “Man,” said the cabdriver. “I’ve heard that question so many times, and asked in so many different ways but I can tell you I’ve never heard someone use the past pluperfect subjunctive!”
[/sub]