Recently confronting a group of evolutionary biologists on the campus of the University of Washington, I pointed out that their theories on the original of life are fundamentally flawed. God created all the plants and all the animals, and the protists and mitochondria and all the whatever those scientists talk about. And they just started telling me how I was all wrong and that there was all this “evidence” for evolution (or whatever) and they started talking about genes and phylogenies and shit.
Isn’t it really obvious that they’re just defending their ideology? They don’t want to face up to the light of Christ. They’d rather cower in a dark corner with their insidious Darwinism than see that the Lord created this habitable globe in all its holiness.
And now that we’re talking about ideologies, let’s talk about these people who think that some “Islamic fundamentalists” hijacked a couple of planes and destroyed the World Trade Center. What a bunch of loonies! It’s just so clear that the U.S. government was both capable and willing to kill thousands of its own civilians and frame the Saudis for it. Because if you’re planning on invading Afghanistan and Iraq, you obviously want to say that Saudi terrorists performed the attacks. It’s all just too perfect! They can’t see beyond their own little worlds where everything goes just the way they want it to.
Don’t get me wrong, I like a good miracle story. But we live in a world that’s harsh. And what’s more, there’s no need to invent more wacko conspiracy theories just to explain the harsh realities of life. Take, as prime specimen, all this “AIDS” stuff people have been talking about for twenty-five years now. I mean, what’s funny is that all the diseases that are supposedly part of this here “AIDS” already existed beforehand! It’s like they took Kaposi’s Sarcoma and gave it a new name! You can’t just take old diseases and give them a new name when people start dying of them in droves. Freddie Mercury didn’t die of “AIDS-related infections” - he died of pneumonia! Get real here, people.
I just wish people would stop rationalizing their own beliefs and look at the evidence face-on. We need to focus on the real issues - family, life, and the sanctity of our own sexuality - and defend it with the values that we Americans treasure most. And how are we ever going to do that when all we do is obey the next commandment dolled out by the academies?
I’ll stand boldly and openly and declare that the “light of Christ” is a delusion.
Feel free to prove me wrong, if you can.
Now, were I to stand openly and boldly among a group of biologists and say “dogs evolved from cats”, I could pretty casually expect them to prove me wrong. Therefore evolution is better than religion, QED.
While I would love to take on your interesting but irrational argument, I’m not up to the caliber of some of our other posters. Plus, it’s finals time and I really should be studying. And really, I can’t tell if this post is ironic. If it is, it’s really, really, well done. You’ve nailed the rhetoric dead on.
For example, you juxtapose 3 things: evolution, AIDS, and 9/11 conspiracy theories. Your smooth weaving of the three implies that the evidence and controversy around each is the same. Nicely played.
I had no idea that the tones of satire in my article weren’t clear. Just read my title!
I am stating clearly, right now, that the OP is satire. I say this with some urgency, as people are discussing me being thrown out. I want to make it clear that this is satire. Satire. Satire.
I feel bad that I had to break character in order to defend my board membership. I was planning on defending my OP, with irony carefully placed into each of my responses.
