It Was Short, So I Padded

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Ask Victor Hugo

Victor Hugo: born February 26, 1802 - died May 22, 1885

Yeah, you know the guy. He pounded out The Hunchback of Notre Dame and Les Misérables. What a talent this guy was. He was also a big muckety-muck in the whole Romantic Movement in the 19th century. This guy has been around. He even had to high-tail it off to Belgium when Napoleon III took over. But the joke was on Naps. After he got the kibosh, Vic came back to France. I mean it was still France after all, but he came back. You just can’t keep a good man down. Unless you use heavy chains and padlocks and stuff.

But the point is, and there is a point here, Victor lived for 83 years and was influential to a whole literary movement. You know he knew a thing or two about a thing or two. Just think how much he could help you, yes you, with your everyday problems. Now, I don’t think he could help you with gravy stains in Grandma’s good linen, but other stuff, yeah, he’d be a deep well of helpfulness in a barren desert of tumultuous quandary. Even if he was French and his middle name was Marie.

So, if you have a question you think Victor could help you with, ask away. Just ask real loud, because, not to put too fine a point on it, Vic is dead. And dead people don’t drop by to give you advice on the petty little problems in your life. No matter what the say on daytime TV.
Call the Consulate

You’d think you could trust a tin of butter cookies. Made with real butter in the real country of Denmark. You’d think that, but you’d be wrong.

First I had to cut away the tape holding the tin together. I used my Swiss Army Knife (1,001 uses!) to split the tape and peeled what I could off and the thing just popped open. Ah! Seasonal goodness! There’s my favorite, the pretzel looking ones with the big hunks of sugar simulating salt. And the ones with coconut in 'em. At least I hope it’s coconut. The ingredient list says there’s desiccated coconut, and these are the only ones I’d figure it would be in. And the regular round ones and the rectangle ones with the stripes in it. And the… Hey! Wait a minute! Where are the current ones? Right on the front of the tin they show, and I’m definite about this, current cookies. But inside? Nope, no currents.

Bastard Danes! Gypping me on my current cookies. (Not that I’m saying all Danish people are bastards. I’m sure most of them are very nice once you get to know them. I’m just saying the ones in charge of this tin of butter cookies are bastards. Since I didn’t get any currents in there, I’m sticking with my statement.)

-Rue.

P.S. I’d like to commend the entire population of Spain on my crate of clementines. They are yummy.

2

Currently, we are out of currants.

-The Danes

3

Ack! Oh yeah, currAnts, currAnts.

I could be all mature and take the rap for my puny spelling skills. Or rail against Spell Check. I could do that too. But I won’t.

I blame the sneaky Danish operatives that have infiltrated the Dope Home Office. They’re there and I know it. I blame this on them.

They figure if I seem like some crack-pot, no one will hold them accountable for the shoddy quality control on their cookies. But we all know the truth. Yes we do.

Now I have to “Submit” quick. Before they can subvert THIS post too.
-Rue.

4

Victor Hugo invented butter cookies?

Victor Hugo moved to Denmark and introduce currants to the butter cookie industry?

Quasimodo was a symbol of man’s longing for butter cookies?

I’m confused here Rue. Pleas help me out.

5

My clementines are tiny and not as easy-to-peel as the package says they should be. But they’re still juicy and tart, which are the most important features.

Add my hearty “Huzzah!” to Rue’s commendation.

6

Oh my darrrrlin’!
Oh my darrrrlin’!
Oh my darrrrlin’ Cleeemeeeentiiine!

Gazelle from Hell that Clementine is a tart lil’ thing, don’t know bout the juicy part tho.

Rue since it’s a well known fact that bears consider currant cookies to be the quintessential of all that is cookie goodness, I’d suggest you go down to the basement and smell bear breath. They’d be sneaky enough to open a tin, take out the currant cookies then seal it all back up. They’re probably down there snickering about it right now. Might be a really good time to sneak down and catch 'em.

7

WHAT IS THE CONNECTION BETWEEN VICTOR HUGO AND RCA VICTOR??

[sub]Is that loud enough, Rue?[/sub]

8

Ermmm… 'cause they’re both named Victor?

Sorry… back to my be o’ pain! (for explanation, I refer you to Rue’s birthday thread…)

Ergh.

9

… beD…

:frowning:

10

Is it true that, when Victor was exiled to Belgium to feast on mussels and ale, that this is when the Hugo-nots came to the fore? And how are these related to forget-me-nots?

11

And if you’re curious as to why Mr. Hugo left Belgium, with it’s tasty mussels and pommes frites and ales, I need only remind you what the cook said to him:
To the Victor goes the spoils.
And nobody wants spoilt mussels.

12

Shibb (hi, by the way, since you’ve not been posting lately) (that I know of) you worry me.

Snickers, you don’t have to shout at me. I ain’t dead yet. But if you have a question for Vic, then you’ll have to speak up.

Sure, I’ll help you out Ex. Which way did you come in? (Ha! The classics always tickle me!)

I think I’d better do something about my basement bears. They seem to be getting out of hand. But they should be bedding down for the winter soon. Maybe I can rent a bobcat and shove them out before they wake up. That’d teach 'em.

Sorry to hear about your back Astroboy. But remember, it could be worse, it could be MY back. (And when you said you were staying in bed all day with a heating pad, I thought that was a rude thing to call Astrogirl. Then I read on and felt badly for you.)

Hi Gazelle. (Didn’t want you to feel snubbed.)
-Rue.

13

Bobcats, lynxes and other felonious felines are too small to use for bears. You need a Bull to get rid of a Bear. Everybody knows that.

14

Rue didn’t snub me!

w00t!

Happy Birthday, sweet thang.

15

You padded because it was short?

Well, turnabout is fair play, I guess.

They pad because they’re flat.

Condolensces to your partner, tho.

16

I would like to make it clear that I had nothing to do with your lack of currant cookies.

::munch:: ::chew:: ::munch::

[mouth full]
Hommesht!
[/mouth full]

17

speaking of napoleon, did ya know they found the bodies of a group of french soldiers in latvia. they figure they were left in a mass grave when they froze to death during the ill-fated russian campaign.

speaking of frozen… where is the ice cream and cake?

happy birthday!

18

So the bears ate the currants because Victor is dead and can’t answer questions in Belgium. I get it.

No, I don’t. Happy birthday, Rue.