It's 92ºF. You know what I need?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

A new furnace. That’s what I need: a great big, new furnace. Even though it’s not really 92º yet. Right now it’s still early, so it’s only like 80º.

When I got up this morning and went out to get then paper, I had this really nostalgic flashback. It reminded me of Summer Camp. Specifically, it reminded me of the tents we got at summer camp. Old canvas tents that had been stored away for four months in a barn. Have you even set up an old canvas tent that was stored for four months in a barn at Summer Camp? That’s what it smells like outside today. Only with fewer Daddy Long-legs scurrying around in the corners. So there’s that. Plenty of mildew, but very few Daddy Long-legs scurrying around in the corners.

So here I sit, waiting for the Furnace Guys to show up. Mom already came by and picked up the boys. The Little Woman is long gone to work for the day. So it’s just me and the dogs, waiting on the Furnace Guys. They should be here sometime between 8:00 and 9:00. It’s about 8:45 now. So they should be here in the next hour or so. Maybe two hours. No more than three. Definitely no more than three hours, then the Furnace Guys show up to change out our old furnace with a bright shiney new one. With a whole wad of bright shiney new BTU’s. Lots and lots of them there BTU’s. Dozens of them, maybe hundreds. (Actually we get 80,000 BTU’s. I hope we don’t use them all up this Fall. I’m don’t know where to get replacement BTU’s. But I’m sure the Furnace Guys would know where to get new ones.)

Along with our bright, shiney new furnace with it’s scads of brand new BTU’s, we get a new A/C thingy. Two and a half tons of new A/C thingy. That should be enough, two and a half tons. I’m afraid if it was any bigger, it would squash the concrete porch the old A/C thingy is sitting on. It’s supposed to be two tons of A/C thingy, but if you bump it, it jiggles around, so I’m not thinking it’s REALLY two tons of anything. Unless it’s like two tons of helium, that would be all floaty, and that would jiggle around if you hit it.

You know what else would be all jiggly if you hit it even if you had two tons of it? Jell-O. Why you’d have two tons of Jell-O, I don’t know, but who am I to question you? And your freaky two tons of Jell-O. I wonder what you could suspend in two tons of wiggly, jiggly Jell-O… maybe a whole car.

So, here I am, waiting for the Furnace Guys. Updates as events warrant.

This weekend I taught Soupo how to play War. Just the card game, we’re not allowed to play with guns and stuff in the house. SOMEONE made up a Rule. Sheesh. Anyway, he’s just a natural at it. We had, like nine Wars, and he only lost two. He cleaned up at War. He almost made back the 50 bucks he lost at Go Fish.
-Rue.

2

You know what I need? A one-way ticket to northern Washington! :wink:

3

Don’t go wasting those BTU’s. They have to be imported special from Britain, and what with NAFTA and everything, they are getting much more expensive. You could always try MTU’s. Those come from Mexico. Much cheaper, but they tend to produce a hum that is vaguely reminiscent of mariachi music.

When the Furnace Guys show up, make sure to check their ID. They may just be the Furniture Guys looking for work. If you accidently let them in the house, you’ll suddenly find your chaise lounge reupholstered and your furniture distressed. Plus they have a tendency to stage poorly produced movie parodies when you’re not looking.

4

The Furnace Guys showed up. RIGHT AT 9:00. (That wasn’t my “caps” key sticking. I was emphasising “right at”.) I guess in the Realm of Appliance Guys, that makes them early. One guy showed up in his Camaro with a “Redneck” sticker across the top of his windshield. Wheeee!

Anyway, they’re hard at work, even as we speak. (Type really, but I didn’t feel like updating the cliché.) Like ants. Busy, busy, busy. Only they’re really regular people, not some creepy insect person. But if they were insect people, just one of them could lift the whole two tons of the A/C thingy by himself. That would be cool.
-Rue.
P.S. No one asked you Johnny. (This is about me! Me!) Sheesh, get your own thread. It’s not like they’re all spendy or nuthin’.

5

Dang, Rue, what do you need a furnace for? You’re Hot Stuff yourself!!

That coulda been funny if I’d phrased it correctly. But it’s Monday - whaddya want from me?

Yay for the new furnace and A/C thingy!! What next - the Indoor Plumbing Guys? I’m kidding! You know I’m kidding! I know most of Ohio has indoor plumbing already. Really!

OK, feeble humor again. But congrats on the new home appliances, and more congrats on foisting the kids off on Mom today. Enjoy your day off - scratch whenever you want, belch to your heart’s delight, do all that manly stuff you can’t do when you’re being a Good Role Model for the kids. But don’t forget to get the dishes done or the Little Woman will kick your butt!

:smiley:

6

Rue I thought you was more Merkin than that! HUMPH! using them thar imported BTUs. Whassa matter? Good ol’ onehunnert percent Merkin TU’s ain’t good enuff for you hifalutin’ DeDays? Fillin’ up yer furnace with them British TUs and we gettin’ ready to celebrate Merkin Independence from that British place in just three days! I bet you don’t say “Under God” when you recite the pledge of allegiance either. You unpatriotic, tory BTU lovin, Benedict Arnold, turncoat, Godless, unMerkin traitor, You! Guess you teachin’ Soupo and Katcha to grow up to be a coupla BTU lovers too. HUMPH!

7

I’ve made him such an Anglophile, he can’t help himself. It’s British or nuthin’ bay-bee.

8

Rue…dude.

Get yerself a Slurpee and sit in front of a fan for a while. You’re suffering from heat exhaustion!

Yeesh… can you ramble on!

9

I’m still using the TU’s that were in the furnace at Fabulous Castell Zappo when I bought it last year. The house was built in 1966 but I don’t know how old the TU’s are. I don’t even know if they’re British TU’s or Merkin TU’s either. The funny thing is that when the furnace kicks on you can faintly hear something like somebody saying, “Shagadelic, bay-bee! Yeah!” So maybe they’re original circa-1966 British Thermal Units. I don’t know.

But the central AC is Merkin. That I know for sure. I had the gas company put it in last summer. It’s made by a company called Heil. Why an American company names itself after the Nazi salute I don’t know. I guess they have a good reason.

Come to think of it, the furnace was made by American Standard and it uses British Thermal Units. Sheesh. Guess it really is a small world.

10

Zappo the toilets in my house were made by American Standard. So, when I flush, does that automatically turn your furnace on? :smiley:

11

G’morning Rue!

My dad is a Furnace Guy. But down here in the South, we call them A/C Guys. Mostly because we use AC more than the heater.

My dad once broke his arm lifting a half ton AC unit. He fell between two building rooftops and dropped the unit on his arm. He said it’s not fun to be stuck between two buildings with an air conditioner unit on your arm.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who kept reading “Furnace Guys” as “Furniture Guys”. I loved that show, as hokey as it was.

12

It’s funny you should metion the dishes, Snickers. I just finished washing them. (Not I don’t have to worry about the Little Woman “kicking my butt” as you so colourfully (<—that’s me being pointlessly Anglophilic, didya notice?) put it.)

For the last hour Lucy has been telling me “Hey! There’s some guys in the basement!” She’s such the watchdog. I think she’s going to pass out soon.
-Rue.

13

Hmmm, I don’t know, swampy. When I turn my furnace on, do your toilets flush?

Tell ya what. . .next time you flush, give me a call and I’ll listen to see if the furnace comes on. :slight_smile:

14

Popsicles. The kind you can break in half and share with a friend. That’s what you need when it’s 92 degrees out. But I just checked the Enquirer online and they say it’s only going to be 90 today. Granted, that’s still warm but it’s no 92. (For you Centigrad people playing along at home 90 and 92 are both the same, about 2.5 C, nothing to worry about, heck it’s almost freezing, that’s why Rue needs a furnace)

Anyway, I also checked St. Petersburg, one of my other “hometowns”. It’s only 72 there right now, but they have 100 percent relative humidity so it feels like stepping into a cool shower. In your clothes. And the high is only 86 degrees, not so bad at all. Maybe we should all move down there, they barely even have furnaces. But they have popsicles.