Well-dressed woman in front of me at Fred Meyer customer service, but did you really just waste everyone’s precious holiday time by complaining about the balloons not being the exact same color once blown up, and demanding your money back? Your thirty cents back?
You’re lucky my wife was there to talk me down, otherwise I would’ve bought them from the guy for a dollar and then followed you around, blowing them up and slowly letting the air out of them with a screech.
"These blow up into funny shapes and all?
Grocer: Well no… unless round is funny. "
(From “Raising Arizona”) I think I would have been muttering that under my breath, seeing that encounter.
Two oldies but goodies from my boss:
[ul]
[li]Telling me how to complete a task that we’ve done the same way for eight years.[/li][li]Buzz into my office on the telecom and talk in generic pronouns (“Can you believe that thing he said?”). Boss, I cannot see what you see. I am not actually inside your head although I’m sure it must seem so. Just because YOU are looking at an email does not mean that I am looking at that same email. Or are even in Outlook, for that matter. Stop giving me that annoyed shit when I tell you I don’t know what you’re talking about. [/li][/ul]
The super came and fixed my broken drawer in my kitchen, but he didn’t fix the underlying problem that it doesn’t roll properly which will inevitably lead to it coming off the rails again.
Also, it sucks that my kitchen is so small that it only has one drawer.
If the pavement is icy, you people walking in the parking lot better keep alert, especially for cars behind you. And cars backing out of spaces, they may not always see you. I was creeping along on sheer icy pavement not long ago, nearly hit some doddering woman right in front of me. Slammed on the brake but went spinning and skidding anyway and missed hitting her by inches. I did manage to clip another car, though.
I minipit our dog’s anal glands.
I also minipit whichever cat shat wherever he or she chose to think outside the box today.
Finally, I minipit my super-enhanced sense of smell. Nobody told me this was a possible side effect, but there it is. The nausea I was expecting.
In contrast, I <3 my husband for cleaning out the fridge before I got up this morning.
Today, I am forced to admit that I mostly like Kanye’s music. I hate him as the oxygen stealing douche that he is, but I’ll be damned…his music is mostly catchy. I don’t think he can sing, but the actual music and rapping is…good. WHY won’t he just act like a good guy and quit making me hate him as a human being?
Go on girl, go 'head, get down…
I can’t afford good tea like my mother has a cabinet full of, and even if I could, tea made with water that boiled at 197 degrees is just not as good, goddamnit.
Thought you might enjoy this
Double sided DVDs. It’s a great concept but which side is widescreen and which is full screen? Well one side says widescreen printed small in the middle on the plastic but does that mean the side that says widescreen or the does that mean that when the other side is played the widescreen side is what you see when you look down? I surely don’t know and every time I rent one of these I guess wrong and have to flip it though I swear I try to alternate between guesses.
Oh, and also why do we need “fullscreen” dvds anymore? If you have a 4:3 tv live with the top/bottom black bars so I don’t have to live with right/left black bars on my modern (it’s the 21st century damnit) television. At least my local video store should stop renting them.
Dear Doctors,
Could you please make up your goddamned fucking minds if we need mammograms in our forties or not?
Sincerely yours,
The Women of America Who Want to Put Something Else in the Machine Besides Our Breasts
I don’t think we’ve ever rented a double-sided dvd that we could actually watch (either side). Normal rental dvds usually look like people took a brillo pad to them, but for some reason, the double sided ones are even worse (I guess the odd person who actually tries to not wreck a rental dvd gives up when there’s silver on both sides).
I never guess right, either - I look at the thing, think I’ve got it in right, and it’s always upside down.
Since quite literally 3/4s of the Starbucks in Australia closed down about 18 months ago, McDonalds is about the only place still around that does decent, drinkable, affordable, accessible filtered coffee.
But now most of the McDonald’s stores are switching exclusively to their tree-hugging “Eco-Blend” McCafe coffee, which A) Costs more, B) Tastes worse (IMHO) and C) Takes ages to prepare.
Harumph. If I wanted fancy pretentious coffee, I’ll go to an actual cafe for it.
Yes, oh yes, I know what you mean. And I pit my husband for not being willing to learn how to do anything about it.
“Honey! The dog’s dragging his bum on the carpet again! Want me to get you a rubber glove?”
So, the electrician came out to change two light fittings today- newer, fancy lights. A simple inexpensive job? No- the original wiring from 20 years ago was put in by some unqualified handy man who used cable from a speaker and did not earth them. The electrician had to work in 100 degree heat on the roof to fix it all.
I am now $520 poorer.
The lights look nice. A pox on whoever installed them originally.
Life in the Briston household is in a transitional period once again – this time, we’re looking for for a place to live. Between having a daughter, the fact that I telecommute, and that we’re looking for a place for a very specific mid-range amount of time, we’re being kind of exacting in the kind of place we want to rent.
So, after not having much luck, we put an ad on craigslist laying it all out – our specific criteria, how long we’re looking to stay…and the fact that we have a cat and a dog.
On Sunday we got a response that, to be honest, I thought was going to be a scam. A huge mother/daughter home with tons of property in a very nice section of the exact town we wanted for less rent than most one-bedroom apartments? Yeah, nice try Mr. Nigeria.
But, my wife calls them up. She talks to the woman for awhile, who explains the whole situation, and whaddaya know, they’re on the up-and-up. Holy crap – ok, it’s 90 minutes away, but we’ll be there right away to see it. And it’s a beauty. Yeah, the appliances were old and the carpet was faded, but who cares? It’s perfect for our situation. We’ll take it, here’s a check, let’s do this.
And so we sit down to hash out the details, when the bomb drops. “You don’t have any pets, right? 'Cause no pets are allowed”.
You stupid fucking bitch – you couldn’t have saved us four hours of our Sunday by putting in a tiny bit of reading comprehension?
It’s snowed five times in the past couple weeks. Every time, I’ve plowed the driveway. This past time, though, I said “fuck it, it’ll snow again as soon as I plow.” It stopped.
Goddamn Cobra Commander and his Weather Dominator…
The Starbucks drive-through I patronize a few times per week has some really annoying habits/processes. When I pull up to the speaker to order, they immediately ask whether I want to try the newest caramel/peppermint/pumpkin-spiced latte of the season; or if I’d like to buy 2 lbs. of coffee for the troops; or if I’d like to buy a 3 or 12-pack of their new Via instant coffee. Every. Single. Time. It’s rush hour and the cars are lining up behind me. I realize they are trying to boost sales, but the drive-through is supposed to be convenient, not an excuse for an extended sales pitch. Then, when I get to the window, they insist on handing me my single cup of coffee in one of those cardboard trays that hold 4 drinks. Why? Half the time I pull my cup out and hand it back to them, but sometimes I just take the tray and throw it away when I get to work. What’s the point? It’s incredibly wasteful. Maybe if they didn’t hand out so many unnecessary trays they wouldn’t need to hold up the line pushing their products.
We rented Coraline (3D/2D) and had to wipe off fingerprints but it worked.
Also, while we’re ranting, it’s the first fucking week of January and I am already sick of shoveling snow! And my weather forecast has snow showers for at least the next 7 days. Fuck you Lake Erie, keep your moisture to yourself.
I thought it was Nuclear Winter who was harassing us this time.