I’m a dark chocolate man myself. Reese’s peanut butter cups are a particular weakness of mine, and during Easter season I tend to stock up on Reese’s eggs. Haven’t had any york mints in a while, though.
Hey, engineers.
If I came in and started asking you dumb questions about your discipline, then complained that the President of Physics needed to be notified about these horrible inconsistencies in a field I knew nothing about, you’d consider me lacking in both intelligence and social skill. Besides, “That’s chemical engineering, and I’m a mechanical engineer, so I’m not really up on the literature” would be a perfectly valid answer, considering that engineering isn’t some monolithic field such that every engineer knows everything about every application.
So don’t come into my finance class and bitch about ‘infinite growth’ and how that makes the whole field bullshit, okay?
A director at work just sent out a company wide e-mail telling everyone that our company supports Earth Day, and that on April 22, we should all turn off our electricity from 8:30pm to 9:30pm.
So we’re in a bit of a crunch right now and all working 10-11 hour days, which means we have, oh, six or so awake hours at home to enjoy this “work-life balance” that you always talk about at the morale meetings. It’s April in New England, so by 8:30 the sun is well below the horizon. You’re sending me a message encouraging me to spend one of my few free hours in the fucking dark? This doesn’t strike you as a tiny bit insensitive to the people who are going above and beyond for you? How about next time we spend 8:30 to 9:30 A.M. with the power off, you inconsiderate ass, and see how much you like going green when it’s on your time.
(I have no idea why this particular innocuous piece of spam bugged me so much, when I would normally just ignore it. It’s been a rough week.)
This has actually been happening for months; don’t know why I’m only now bringing it up; probably related to it being pretty lame.
Anyway - at my workplace there is a lady who is in a cubicle catty-corner from my mine whose nature seems to be to verbalize most thoughts that pop into her head.
She is a very nice person, but the stream of inane observations and questions she puts out (which she especially directs towards another person in her department who is in a cube next to her, but which I can’t help but hear) can be incredibly distracting.
My hope for relief is that the company will be moving to another building later this year, and from what I hear, my department should be in another area of the building from where she will be.
That’s gonna be a little rough on anything you have in your freezer, isn’t it?
P.S. If your electricity is off, how are you going to know when it’s 9:30 and time to turn it back on?
Awesome. 
Especially because that is actually the exact wording - [we support everyone] “turning off their electricity for one hour”. Thanks for that!
I’d go with a sudden onset of explosive diarrhea.
It’s Earth Day here on campus (one day early, but for reasons unknown, the student-run Sustainability Club scheduled the festivities for today). We’ve got some interesting stuff - green initiative booths, recycling workshops, my colleague brought one of her goats from her goat farm to talk about farming…they really did a nice job.
And on the sidewalk right next to the lawn where the festivities are being held is a huge dumpster full of old but completely servicable used furniture that’s being discarded due to a remodeling effort.
Not donated. Not recycled. Not “hey, there’s free used furniture out in the dumpster, have at it” in an email.
Because it’s state property, it’s going to landfill.
There are a couple of mental health facilities down the street (residential and treatment) that I’m sure could use some free chairs or desks. Maybe a homeless shelter? A small nonprofit? Hell, a fucking post on Freecycle?
No. I’ve been informed that state policy precludes the donation of state property, so to the landfill it goes.
I don’t know what the penalties or fallout would be, but I’m thisclose to posting on Freecycle and starting a dumpster-diving free-for-all.
Tell him that Earth Hour was last month. You know, the one where you’re encouraged to turn off your lights for one hour, from 8:30 to 9:30 pm?
I’m trying to picture this, and all I’m coming up with is a variation on those workplace safety signs. Except that instead of “accident” the sign says something like
This home has gone
427
days without an abortion
Why is it that right after I scoop the litter box, Maggie has to come and take a great big stinky dump? And if that’s not bad enough, she has diarrhea as well!!! Joy!
Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!
When you scoop the litterbox, you send traces of the kitty’s (or kitties’, as the case may be) waste products into the area. Cats are not particularly known for recognizing their own spoor by scent after a few days.
Consequently, Maggie thinks some interloping cat has been in HER litterbox, and to assert her own dominance in that particular territory, she insists on providing a contribution of her own.*
How can you tell when a cat has diarrhea? I thought their stools were ALWAYS gooshey.
*The preceding is a WAG that I invented out of the whole cloth a couple of weeks ago, when my daughter remarked on Brock displaying the same behavior. Take with [del]a grain[/del] [del]a liberal dose[/del] one entire smoked ham’s worth of salt. 
Nope. Think Tootsie Roll.
That’s hysterically funny.
It’s more sort of your standard abortion is bad blah blah blah signs.
The people in question suck because they’ve got at least three of them that I can see including the bumper sticker on the car with the bloody little feet.
Hello people little feet grow up. And you’d better damned well be willing to pay for third and fourth grade teachers to educate them.
You need to fake her out: go to the litter box and stir it around a bit but don’t really scoop. Cat hears this, makes her deposit, and THEN you do the real scooping.
Of course she’ll still want to try again after the actual scooping, but she’ll be empty, ha ha!
(Learned this by necessity, having had a cat who had the universe’s SMELLIEST shit.)
Post to Freecycle. Save somebody some money, and save the landfill. Hell, the state should be giving that stuff away to somebody, or to some agency. People get flooded out of their homes, or houses burn down, and lose most everything. Free furniture, even if it’s office furniture, could help refurnish a house from scratch. So what if it’s used? When I was starting to furnish a house, you can bet that I’d have been happy to get a free desk and chairs and maybe even a table.
Taxpayers paid for that furniture. Shouldn’t we have a chance to use it for as long as possible?
When one of the local military bases in town closed down, the whole place was repainted, and repairs made, and similar. Because, you know, Og forbid that they close a place down when it wasn’t all spiffy and up to date.
I sent some ninja students out to reconnoiter the condition of the stuff and whether or not the “state property” tags were still on the furniture. They pulled out everything still usable and made off with it. The desks, though, were broken - because they’d been broken in order to fit into the dumpster! :smack:
Turns out there may be a state law restricting the donating of state property, and if so, guess who just made it her business to try to change that law?
Two states I’ve lived in (Washington, Texas) had special surplus outlets to sell, at very low cost, decommissioned university & other state-owned stuff, including furniture. IT CAN BE DONE. Good luck!
Dear lady with similar name as me,
Thanks bunches for fucking up my email account, you dumb cow.
Like many people, I have multiple email accounts, each with a designated purpose. I have several free accounts, including one designated for online dealings and spam.
My one paid account is my .mac account. The username on this account is my first name and last initial, no punctuation. I’ve had the account for at least 8 years, and I’m very careful to not broadcast it to the world. Because of this long history and because I get family and friends’ emails at this address, I’m quite attached to it.
Like I said, we have similar names. Your first name and last initial are the same as mine.
I guess you must have this username with another email provider, because you entered MY .mac email address as yours during your recent online shopping spree. I had several minutes of panic when I got your invoices from Pottery Barn and other places I don’t shop, thanking “me” for “my” purchase. Holy God, I thought. Was my email hacked? Did my personal information get compromised? Shit, did I need to go through the reporting hassle with my bank again? I’m careful with my information, so I was worried like hell that something got through.
Turns out no, you were just dumb.
I still spent an hour reviewing my bank statements making sure there were no mysterious transactions or missing money. And I changed my password, to be safe.
Thanks to you, I now get spam from Pottery Barn and other places I don’t shop sent to my personal, paid mail account. Mind you, I am quite capable of using filters, adopting a program like Thunderbird, or even just deleting the unwanted mail. But I resent that I even have to just because you were a dumb cow.
I’m pleased to report that the ladies’ room smelled strongly of bleach today. I’m fairly certain the smear under the light switch is from some cosmetic product – it has a bit too much bright pinkness to be a bodily fluid. As for the smears on the purchase orders…who knows what caused that. I frequently get papers with small food stains (think barbeque chips or cheesy snacks); often I receive test reports that have been placed in diesel fuel.