It’s so simple, but positively Genius! Has anybody contacted them?
One thing you may want to do is declare who specifically should be in charge of any of the other decisions that have to be made. While this video talks about trans peop, the advice given is applicable for all of us.
Hey, Beck, I’ve been working on that same stuff (also not due to imminent death). I had an uncle who wanted no services whatsoever, so there was no closure for the family. That was hard on all of us, so I told the kids to have one. However, the service is for them, not me, so I’m only suggesting stuff that might simplify the planning for them. For instance, music, since we’re from different generations. And venue, so they’re not puzzling out whether I want services at a church.
I’m donating my body to science, so no transportation and cremation expenses, as the nonprofit handles it all. Yippee! A FREEBIE! It’ll be simpler for my kids, too. Plus I was a teacher and like the idea of people learning from this abandoned lump of clay. The place will send the ashes to my kids if they want. I’m leaving that up to them. My mom donated her body to science, and her remains were treated respectfully. There was a service for all those whose loved ones had donated their bodies, and the medical students spoke about their gratitude.
Above all, my instructions say not to feel bad if they can’t have a memorial service and to find closure any way they can. The measure of a life is really how it affected the lives of others, and there’s no way to fully capture that in any service.
Hope you stick around here for a long, long time, Beck.
That’s funny @nelliebly, I don’t think science wants my crappy bod.
I’m gonna look into that, though.
I hate funeral parlors and the smell of funeral flowers. It’s all just so distasteful to me. If someone’s ok with that, don’t mind me. It’s just my take on it.
It’s hard to talk about death. I had my girls squalling and bawling today.
My whimsical side said “Hey, this is cool, they love me, they really love me!”
My maternal side felt sorry for them. I don’t want them to suffer because of me.
I determined to make this subject less painful for them. I’m ok-ish. I’ve outlived my expiration date, a few years ago.
My family knows my preoccupation with this stuff. It all bubbled up when Daddy died.
It’s me folks, just how I roll.
I hope to be around a bit longer. I have threads to make 
Don’t that make y’all happy?and a dopefest to plan
I’ll take a nice suit please.
Oh Message board threads. Yeah um, we are good with that.
Let’s start an invitation list. I’ll go first:
Invite:
Boo
There’s a list of conditions that make bodies unsuitable for donation, but I didn’t see a missing kidney as one of them. They’re mostly contagious diseases or conditions that would mean the body, uh, no longer has integrity, like an autopsy or really bad car accident.
That said, I just found out the place I was planning to use isn’t accepting bodies until Covid is over, so I’d better outlast the plague, I guess.
If you hate funeral parlors and all the trappings, why go that route? My sister wants to her ashes to be released in space. (Yes, you can arrange for that.)
I find myself crying when I add something to the plans–not for myself, but because I imagine how sad my kids will feel when I’m gone, and I feel so bad for them. They’ve been pretty stoic, though. And they’re both married to very supportive people. I know they’ll be OK.
My daughter is a reporter who just interviewed an attorney who emphasized that people should discuss their plans and wills with their adult children. She felt a little smug because I’d already done that and had explained where to find everything. In a weird sort of way, I think it makes my kids feel good that I care enough about them to have planned ahead.
I’ll take a BigTush outfit. You need help fooling your son?
No funeral parlor for me, all funeral/burial funds go to a blow-out party.
Oh, and I’m making a list of where I want my ashes scattered. My family’ll be confused at first (“Wait, wha… Dad’s never been to Natadola Beach in Fiji, did it have some significance we don’t know about?”)… until they realize I’m just giving them a couple of kickass vacations.
Yeesh Beck, don’t scare me like that! BAD BAD BAD BECK!!!
This. Count me in. I’ll get there somehow.
I asked my mother what she wanted and she said she wasn’t dying yet and didn’t want to talk about it. I suspect she did not get the funeral she wanted because we never had that talk. My “big brother and number one son” decided to take charge and it was adequate, but not as loving as I would have liked.
I’ve been to several funerals that were not what the deceased would have wished. I have, however, been to a couple of excellent funerals, both planned for by the deceased and their names were stamped all over what people said and how things were handled. I think these were fantastic events. Here goes:
Identify the music you want played.
Religious? Which passages of the holy book would you like read?
Not religious? Is there a poem or a piece of prose that touched you and you think might touch others? Maybe you’d like to write a letter to be read to all. This is what one friend did and it was fabulous.
Who would you like to do the readings?
Do you want a traditional wake/reviewal or just a memorial event?
Do you want to be buried, cremated, wrapped around the roots of a tree, or be donated to science?
My grandmother didn’t have a formal will, but she wrote a letter stating who gets what in the way of mementos.
If you want something specific on a gravestone, write it down.
If there is a food you adore and can’t have (Sonic corndogs, perhaps?), list it as a must-be-served at the funeral luncheon, if there is one. If there is a food you hate, forbid it. (My mom hated Jello salads.)
None of this guarantees that you will get what you want, but it will certainly help.
We are young
Wandering the face of the earth
Wondering what our dreams might be worth
Learning that we’re only immortal
For a limited time
Rush had a lyric for any occasion.
If Li’l Wrekker had kept me better informed I might’ve fallen softer for this OP, but her last report was days ago and AT THAT TIME they still had dialysis as a possibility. They were feeding you crap and you and the staff were fighting.
Oh, man. Those are the worst! Sometimes I get similar thoughts running through my head when I’m trying to fall asleep.
Sorry, Mikey. She did what I told her to do.
I wasn’t sure how you were feeling and I didn’t want her to worry you.
How I was feeling was worried. Give me data and I can function. Even very bad data will have me finding a cheap cremation. So,
- Dialysis?
- Are you on the transplant list?
Beck, let us know where to plant the bigfoot prints and when. We’ll get it done.
Your family photos are all labelled, right? I say that as someone who inherited three generations of partially labelled photos.
I’m not a good candidate for transplant.
I have a port installed adding to my borg-like appearance.(please please god let me look like Seven-of-Nine).
Dialysis is a given. Lefty has been tested. I get test results on Friday.
This is why I feel so mortal.
Sorry again, Mikey. I never want to hurt your feelings. You’re my hero, after all.
Beck, I’m sure you’ve got a lot left in you. So any Dopefest sounds great, but Beck, you’ll have to wait to plan it until the border opens, so we in Canada can attend.
Why accept a down-grade???