I agree completely. I just want many years more of your contributions on this board. Hugs.
Please accept my virtual hug Beck.
If you ask my kids what I want on my gravestone, their eyes will glaze over and they’ll drone, “I didn’t eat those Flintstone vitamins and I didn’t quit my job because Deana told me to.” They’ve heard it often enough.
First off, I do accept all hugs and well wishes. I appreciate each and everyone of you. Not sure what I’d be doing if not for the Dopers shore-ing me up the last few months.
The lil’wrekker and one other person have given me the business about opening this thread. It seems I’m a drama queen and a bit hypochondriac-tic.
Ok, ok. I get it.
I really do have legit reasons to be afraid of dying. But I’m not afraid of death itself. It’s the crap I gotta do to get there.
I don’t wanna be ‘that’ person. The woman who is constantly telling you how her fight against ???-disease is going.
It seems I’m doing just that.
I gotta stop.
The lil’wrekker has spoken.
It shall be.
thx, Mikey
Beck, if you want to talk about planning your funeral here, then go ahead and talk about planning your funeral here. If you want to talk about being afraid of the process of dying here, then go ahead and talk about that. Nobody has to click on the thread who’s having trouble dealing with it.
Tell your kids that if you can unload on us then you don’t have to be ‘the woman who is constantly telling you’ with them. Then tell them if they don’t like this thread, don’t read it.
Driving to work one morning, recently, another car tried to merge into the same space I was trying to merge into. They from the left, me from the right. Not sure who was at fault as it happened very quickly. We made very solid contact. They drove off after. All this to say…shit happens very fast or very slow but our days in this life are not within our control and it’s random chance and a roll of the dice every single day. You’re on top so far, enjoy it!
For people who need the ice broken first - there’s a game called Morbid Curiosity. I’ve only played once, and it’s not for everyone, but it raises ideas you may not have pondered.
You’re OK?
First, you are absolutely NOT being “that” person. Heck, there are long intervals when we have no idea how you’re doing, and dammit, we want to know. You’re also not being a hypochondriac. You’re not abnormally anxious about your health. You’ve been hospitalized, had health emergencies, lost a kidney. If anything, you’re the opposite of paranoid, and when you do post about your health, you do so with a remarkable lack of self-pity.
L’il Wrekker has many fine qualities, and I’m so glad she’s there. I like her. But she’s very young and therefore understandably upset and freaked out about her mom’s mortality. Like many people, she doesn’t want to hear it and doesn’t want you to discuss it because (MAGICAL THINKING ALERT) discussing it might make it true.
I feel bad for her, but if you stop discussing this stuff here, one day she’ll feel bad that she imposed such a limitation on you. Even worse, she won’t be prepared for losing you. Don’t let her distress steer the course. It’d be bad for both you and her.
The only thing that scared me a bit was the title. I just was worried since you’d seemed depressed a little while ago. But then you reassured anyone who actually cared enough to open the thread and check up on you, so it’s fine.
I agree you can talk about what you want. And you’ve never let your kids tell you what to do before, right? 
Maybe there is some Doper rule that I shouldn’t break up the original post like this, but I’m making sure Becks gets credited for what she said.
I believe you.
Disagree. Talk therapy, writing things out, this is good and healthy, both for you and the people around you.
There are many topics that seem to be taboo. Doesn’t mean that they should be. Talking about such things is better. Shared fears are easier to bear. And with the current pandemic, many of us aren’t getting out much, so we go to the Dope to meet up. Share as much as you want.
Get planning!
Possible menu items (taken from here as I’ve never been in Arkansas):
BBQ
Chicken fried steak
Purple hull peas
Corn nuggets
Fried okra and pickles
Something with sorghum. I’ve never had anything with sorghum.
I have. I’ll pass.
But I wanna eat everything else, plus pie, lots of pie.
Yeah. Sorghum is bad.
It’s actually a sugar my body can deal with (don’t try this at home, kids. All diabetics are different)
But I hate the crap
Sorghum is actually a grain. I mean sorghum syrup
This. This was my middle brother who was in denial about our dad’s Alzheimer’s. I tried to tell him how bad it had gotten but because he was Dad’s favorite, Dad put on his best behavior for bro so he didn’t see it. Our telling him our experiences bounced off of him. He found out the very hard way, when he went to pick Dad and big bro up at the airport. It was like he hit a wall. Big bro took over driving because middle bro was crying too hard to be of any use.
I don’t want anyone to be hit that hard by someone’s illness/death/change in health. Best to take the time to get used to the idea rather than have to function blindly through the change. I have been blessed that I had time to prepare my mind for both my parent’s sickness and death. Yes, it is a blessing.
Excellent post altogether, @nelliebly!
'Nuff of that. Should we plant corn dogs on your burial plot?
Yes, @nelliebly your post was great. I singled it out for the lil’wrekker to read.
We’ve not discussed it yet. I’m giving her time to ponder awhile and then come to me.
I’ve said it before, this kid has been the brilliant sun in my world. She is a blessing. Everyday I marvel at her. She should be a screwed up young adult growing up with me as a Mother. But she’s not.
Unless you count the fact that she thinks money grows on trees and she can manipulate anyone by batting her eyelashes. She’s a good-un.
Yes @carnut plant them corn dogs!!
I spent the morning with the Grand-wrex.
I taught the older two how to flip flapjacks. They were so proud of them.
For some reason I feel immortal again.
Young’uns will often do that. When my mother was dying, I got kittens. It helped.
And – portions of you are immortal. Even if they forget the flapjacks: that happiness and pride and sense of competence will stay with them, will become part of who they are. And that part of who they are will do the same for other young’uns when your Grand-wrex themselves are grown and when they are old. And so on.
I 100% agree with this. I wish my mom were more open to talking about it. She’s a transplant patient and just had surgery and radiation for cancer. She also just moved near us, but I need to know sooner rather than later 1) where she wants to be buried, 2) how she wants to be buried and 3) if she needs to go into a home at some point, does she have the cash or do I need to supply some and also, which one she wants to go to.
No one likes to think about death, but it’s an important topic. I am very, very glad to hear you’re ok.
Not long ago we go together with a lawyer and made out a will. once it was complete and ready to be signed we arranged for both of my adult daughters to be there. We went through the whole thing just to be sure everyone was on the same page. I typed up how I want my demise to be handled and added this to the folder after reading it to the girls. I want there to be no confusion once it is my turn.
I don’t mean to be disrespectful or derail the topic, but this passage made me think about this book:
I see it has mixed reviews, which probably is a good sign. Thomson is a great pen, he always strikes a deep chord within me. This book is bleak and black. It can contribute to make you dislike funeral parlors even more, or maybe cast a morbid light on them that would make you more intrigued.