- That makes no sense, you know.
- What?
- The title to this week’s thread.
- How do you mean?
- What does sausage have to do with Groundhog Day?
- It’s like a joke.
- “Like” a joke? What? “Like” it’s not funny?
- Oh ha ha. No. “Groundhog Day”. Ground hog. Sausage. See? It is too funny.
- Yeah, OK, whatever. So, I hear you had a little trouble this weekend. Something about a Valentine’s Day present?
- Yeah, I… hey! How did you know that?
- Because I’m really you dummy. Just get on with it.
- Oh, OK. Yeah, see, I was looking for a special gift for the Little Woman since Valentine’s Day is coming up…
- That would be February 14th.
- Yeah, duh. Don’t interrupt.
- Sorry. About your troubles?
- I was looking for a special gift and I couldn’t find it. I figured it would be easy to find, but as it turns out, it’s not easy to find at all. I went to a bunch of places…
- How many are a “bunch”? Just so we know.
- A “bunch” in this case would be three. But I tried to go to this other place, but it was closed because a water main broke.
- That’s too bad. But what are you looking for? So we could try to help you.
- Oh, I can’t tell you what it is. What if the Little Woman checks out this thread? Me telling you would ruin the surprise.
- What surprise? Every year you get her a dog for Valentines Day. It’s your little tradition.
- Yeah, but she doesn’t know what kind of dog I’m getting her. That’s the surprise.
- But you couldn’t find it.
- No, I couldn’t. I have some feelers out right now and I might be able to score my Original Plan Gift. We’ll have to wait and see. But I did find this other thing.
- Are you going to get it?
- As it happens, no.
- So you could tell us what it was.
- I can tell you.
- Will you?
- Will I what?
- Tell us what the other thing you found is.
- If you ask nicely.
- Fine. Please tell us what you found for Valentine’s Day for the Little Woman but as it turns out you won;t be getting it after all.
- A plastic owl.
- Why a plastic owl? And by “plastic owl” I think you mean the life sized plastic owls you put in your garden to keep the birds away.
- Yeah, one of those. I found one of those and I was going to get it for the Little Woman.
- Why would you do a stupid thing like that?
- It’s not stupid, you are. Stupid. Because the owl is the symbol of undying love and eternal commitment.
- No it’s not.
- Yeah, I know. Unfortunately so does the Little Woman.
- So, no plastic owl. Hey! Why don’t you get her a piñata? You could put candy and a nice gift, say a watch, in it and it would be all kinds of fun Valentine’s morning.
- No way! Piñatas are nothing but trouble! Don’t you watch America’s Funniest Home Videos? Oh wait, you’re me, of course you do. Every Sunday night you pop up a big batch of popcorn and watch America’s Funniest Home Videos with the boys.
- Oh that’s right! You get near a piñata and someone’s gonna take a shot to the groin. Not good. And you know, Funny Videos isn’t as good since Daisy Fuentes left. She was the best host.
- Co-host.
- Huh?
- Daisy Fuentes was the co-host. There was this other guy there with her.
- Nuh-uh!
- Yeah huh!
- Nuh-uh! When I was watching it, I only saw Daisy.
- Yeah, uh-huh. So, what color are Daisy Fuentes’ eyes?
- She has eyes?
- Yeah, that’s what I thought. Anyway, what else did you learn this weekend?
- No, you got it all wrong.
- Huh? How?
- You are the dash and I’m the asterisk. You know, it probably would have been easier if you used different colors. But anyway, I ask the questions around here.
- Yeah, the color thing would have been easier to read, but it would have been way harder to code. But go ahead, ask the question.
- What else did you learn this weekend?
- I’m glad you asked. This weekend I learned: You should only combine pork products and coconut flakes under professional supervision.
- Really? Do you care to elaborate?
- No. No I don’t.
- OK then. It looks like we’re done here.
- Yeah, it looks like it. But remember: It’s Groundhogs Day. Eat sausage!
- That’s still stupid.
- Shut up.
-Rue.