Last year, I give a sizeable chunk of money to my alma mater to have a scholarship named after my late parents. The recipient of it bails on a reception for me to meet her along with other people who received similar scholarships.
I bring a bunch of old clothes to a local thrift store that widely solicits donations. They get on my case because I didn’t bring them in bags.
And today I arranged to have the Salvation Army pick up an old chair. I get a notification online that the pickup was “completed”.
What that means was that the guys showed up. They didn’t want the chair, it’s not good enough for them. Meanwhile, the sprinklers have been turned and the chair is sopping wet and I now need to pay my city to haul it away.
I’m saving all of my money and buying something incredibly indulgent this week. Maybe a talking astrolabe!
I know you’re not supposed to be charitable to make yourself feel better, but I don’t want to feel bad either!
{{{BobT}}} It’s hard to tell in advance who will appreciate your compassion. I’m sorry you had negative experiences when you were trying to do the right thing. Just remember that not everyone is like that.
Oh, and report that little snit who didn’t show up to the reception to the dean of his/her school. That just isn’t right. There are plenty of college students who would smack that person upside the head if his or her inconsiderate behavior cost other students future scholarship opportunities.
Well, BobT, I’ll say thank you. I can’t speak as someone who has directly benefitted or will ever benefit from your generosity, but the fact that you have contributed to educating, clothing and furnishing those who need it helps all of us whether we admit it or not.
We can’t always get the thanks or rewards or accolades we deserve, any more than we can get the education or clothing or furniture we deserve. We just hope that one day the two will reach equilibrium. At least, you’ve helped balance out the equation, and if a thank-you is required to inspire you to do more, here it is:
I agree that it’s rude not to show up to a reception, but does that make the student any less deserving of the scholarship? Were there restrictions placed on how the scholarship is earned? Is proper etiquette and manners one of the requirements?
I just think it’s a bit ridiculous to make someone jump through social hoops in order to be determined ‘worthy’ of a scholarship. I’ve seen no assessment here of her academic integrity or abilities. I don’t think a social faux pas should prevent one from being awarded a scholarship.
Of course a faux pas should not disqualify one from receiving a scholar ship, but if no one ever points out that faux pas exist and that they are to be avoided for any number of extremely valid reason, the scholarship recipient may miss out on some vital socializing experiences. There is no problem with such correction and it is a very important part of everyone’s upbringing. There do exist other people out there and our own actions have consequences. A heads up to the Dean may just give the recipient a lesson he/she needs.
I agree with XJETGIRLX. This seems like you’re saying “Be grateful to me, show up and thank me for bestowing this on you.” Charity is given without hope of reward or thanks.
I don’t think it’s beyond reason to expect a thank you from the person you’re helping out. That’s just common decency, especially since there are a million grateful people out there that would show up and be thankful.
I’m not saying the person should drop to their knees and bow down to him, but an acknowledgment is the right thing to do.
And charity “should” be given without hope of reward or thanks, but most of the time it’s not. Very few people have purely altruistic motives.
The girl was wrong, and BobT is not out of line in pointing that out. He wouldn’t be out of line taking the money back either, but it would be bad form, and to his credit, he hasn’t mentioned it and it probably didn’t even cross his mind.
Besides, the little idiot is missing some serious pragmatic opportunity.
If some dude you don’t even know is willing to pay for your education based on some conection he perceives you to have,* then stick close to this guy, you moron!* He may be willing to help you get a job or introduce you to some people or otherwise serve as a connection to a world to which you otherwise would not have access! Jeez.
Receptions aren’t for the donors to preen over what they’ve done (well, not entirely). They are primarily for all the people who benefit in the same way to create a sense of community and possible mutual assistance.
If I earned a scholarship of that kind, I’d go wherever the donors told me to go. Gratitude aside, there might be more where that came from.
You’ve done good things, BobT, and sometimes it sucks that our works are not received as we would like. But the joy is in the giving, as they say.
Bob didn’t say anything about taking the money back, or even thinking about it. He did mention, however, that she skipped a reception given by the alma mater, a social occasion whose primary function was for she and Bob, among others, to meet.
It wasn’t Bob’s idea. I would have been mildly peturbed as well.
This particular charity was given in honor of his late parents. I imagine he would have liked to have met the recipient, perhaps to tell her a bit about his parents and why he chose this way to honor them. With scholarships, it’s often about much more than just the money.
The recipient missed the chance to learn something about the people who indirectly financed part of her education, and to learn about the kind of person who’s willing to take a chance on strangers. In the end, it’s her loss, to her shame.
Genghis Bob has it exactly right. I just started a small scholarship on a one-time basis with some money that I inherited after my parents passed away. It wasn’t a lot, but I thought it would be nice that my parents, who were just regular middle class suburban folks, could have something in their name at a university where they were proud to have sent three of their children.
It was just weird at the reception where all the other donors and the recipients were matching off and I spent the time nursing a Coke by myself. It felt very much like college again (where I never could get a date seemingly) and now I can’t get a college student to talk to me even if I pay them!
To be fair to the young woman who did receive, she sent me a thank you note later. With a lot of misspellings in it, which apparently wasn’t something she was graded on in high school.
I had never considered taking the scholarship back, which I couldn’t do even if I wanted. If I did that, then I deserved to be in the Pit.
Actually I’m worried more now about getting rid of my chair that was mentioned in the OP. In the interim since the Salvation Army rejected it, the chair has had sprinklers turned on it and a skunk walk past it, so I’m really beginning to think that it’s more albatross than chair.
I’ve moved from Spain to the US twice. No, never been an immigrant, since I never meant to stay, but it’s been 5 years living and working there, total.
The first time it was to Miami, as a grad school student. I was flat broke, as you’d expect - 12K/year is quite generous a salary for TAs, and Miami is on the cheap end for housing, but you certainly won’t be eating caviar-battered steak on that. There were always flyers around UM about charitable events and organizations that wanted your time: they took money, but some of them actually preferred your two strong hands for a few hours.
I wasn’t able to join any of those organizations as a “regular”, but I’ve served food and built houses and helped people with paperwork and… and it was neat, and the people were great, and I loved it! There were people with whom I spent only a few hours but I remember them warmly.
Fast forward. Move to Philly, town of brotherly love. Brothely Love? My big fat ass. I was given a list of charitable organizations by my employee’s Human Resources department as “a good way to meet people,” I also looked up some of the ones whose names I remembered.
All they wanted? My money. There wasn’t a single one that was interested in my help, all they wanted was cold, hard cash. Even to give a hand at cleaning my parish church, they were asking for two references! Fu-gedit. That particular building can get cobwebs in the belltower, if they think they need to ask a parishioner for references…
Don’t feel too offended–the SA is pretty picky about furniture. There’s generally no shortgage of furniture donations (people move, get new furniture, etc. all the time), and it takes up so much space that they can’t afford to have as many chairs as they have, say, sweaters. Also, furniture is harder for buyers to transport then toasters and such.
But if the chair fits into the big trash can for my building can’t I just leave it there and have the regular trash guys haul it off? They won’t reject something that’s inside the bin will they?
I’d check with the building managers. Trash companies often do care whats in the bin, and your neighbors may not like you filling it up with something bulky…
If you want an instant friend, give to the ACLU and Planned Parenthood. Anybody watching the amount of mail and phone calls I receive would think I was Miss Popularity, man.
The ACLU is, at least, restrained. Planned Parenthood is getting a little hysteric on the outside of the envelope. I mean, I agree with them, but please, don’t be shrill.
Amnesty International is pretty classy - although they do send a bit of mail, the “please give!” part is often quite small and to the rear - they seem to honestly think that telling me what they’re up to will move me to donate. Thank you, AI.
I’d like to give to Doctors Without Borders, but I’m a little afraid of my mailbox at this point.
