It's Just Not That Difficult

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I was going to call this “It’s Just Not That Hard” but I figured someone would find someway to make sport of that. So I didn’t. You only have your collective dirty mind to blame.

I had a few things I had to take care of this weekend. Oddly, they weren’t executed with my trademark hitchlessness. I count the weekend and a success, but still, it could have gone smoother. First I had to top by the hardware store and get all the parts for the handrail my handyguy is supposed to put in today. I say “supposed to” because, of course, it’s raining. Not just a gentle little mist either. Nooooooo! It’s coming down like pouring piss outta boot. Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

And that wasn’t even the first thing. The first thing was to stop at the tire place and get the wheel on the Little Woman’s car replaced. Since this errand wasn’t for me, it went about as smoothly as you could hope. I only had time to read all the interesting articles out of two *Field & Stream[/]'s. (Technically two Field & Streams and a Country Music Digest since I looked at the front of that last one and decided not to pick it up. I think I made the right decision there.) While I was waiting and paging through F&S #1, this woman came in. I should be generous and call her a lady since she didn’t swear or spit on the floor, so I will. This lady came in. She was told they could squeeze her in (actually her car, I think they could get sued if they squeezed her herself) the day before but as it turned out the day before wasn’t good for her, so she showed up a day late. The desk guy told her that since this was a totally different day that what they originally talked about and they were short one guy they weren’t sure when they could look at her car. She asked if they were sure, because the desk guy could have been mistaken, but he wasn’t so she said “OK” and then got a ride from a friend and left. Small drama. The Important Guy came in. (He gets caps because he’s so darned Important.) Important Guy didn’t know what was wrong with his car (it could have been the front brakes, or the back brakes or a box of kittens in his trunk for all he knew) but he was Important Guy so they should drop everything and fix up the Important Guy Mobile. Only the desk guy wasn’t too impressed. I mean he was swamped and he was already squeezing in that other lady, but phone calls were made and when it was decided that no one else could work on the Important Guy Mobile that day either, Important Guy decided it would be best to leave the car and let the garage guys do their job and see what’s what. Which was what the desk guy suggested from the start. Then my car was finished so I paid said “thanks” and left.

To the hardware store! By way of the bookstore. Only they weren’t open yet, so I went to the hardware store to get the parts for my new handrail. That went pretty smoothly since I knew where they kept the parts I needed. All the handrail parts were lumped in one place. That was nice. Only the anchor thingies you need to hold the metal rails into the concrete steps were somewhere else. Not to worry, I knew where they keep those too. Only they have about 12,000 different kinds of anchors. I was perplexed. I almost tried to figure out what the heck I would need for this job when I remembered my handyguy said he’d bring the anchor things. I narrowly escaped having to learn about the intricacies of concrete anchors.

Now it’s time to go to the bookstore. Only it’s not. As much as I’d like to go now, it’s getting near lunchtime and after lunch we have some more running around to do. (Soupo needs new sneakers. Me too.) So on the way home, I stop by the liquor store. Here in Ohio, you can only by rum in an actual liquor store. You can buy beer without getting out of your car in a “drive-thru” but for rum, it’s the official State Liquor Agency. I’m sure it’s to protect the children. But how hard is it to buy rum? Not very. The actual buying went smoothly. I didn’t even get carded. (Being 35, I’m not really surprised.) But they changed the bottles my rum comes in. It used to be a cool square bottle, now they use a more pedestrian round bottle. That mad me sad. Not sad enough to not buy my rum. I mean, we’re moving at the end of the month, having rum around the house is a good thing. (By the way, it was black rum, now I once again have the whole set.)

After lunch and after we got Soupo his new sneakers (and me too) (only they weren’t really sneakers, just sneaker-ish) I finally made it to the bookstore. Yay! The new Pratchett book is out and I wanted it. So I went to a bookstore. And couldn’t find it. I looked all over. Well, not really all over. I looked on the new release table. And I looked on the other new release table, the one just for fiction. And I looked in the kids’ section (because it’s a kids’ book after all). Then I look in the SF/ Fantasy section with the other Pratchett books. And it wasn’t anywhere. I was desperate. So desperate I asked for help. And the nice desk girl (she wasn’t old enough to be a desk lady, the desk lady was helping someone else) told me where they were. They weren’t in the kids’ section, they were in the teens’ section. And I was so close. So off I troop to the teens’ section with my head high and my heart bright. Only I couldn’t find the book. (The Wee Free Men, the newest Pratchett) But, but, but the desk girl said it was here! Maybe if I look harder. Let’s see… big sign that says “TEEN”. OK, it’s around here. Books alphabetical by author… L, M, N, O, P… it should be HERE! Only it’s not. What’s that over there? A table of books. New books that haven’t been stuck in the regular shelf yet. The Wee Free Men? No. Crud. But look over there in the other direction. More books not shelved yet. Not it, not it, not… woo hoo! (I actually went “woo hoo!” I do that.)

So over the course of the day, I got the Little Woman’s new wheel, all the parts for the rail (except the anchors which I didn’t need to get anyway but I thought I’d try to find just so the job goes as easy as possible for the handyguy), my rum (in the less cool round bottle), new shoes and my book. Then I gave the boys a haircut. Both of them. It was a pretty full day.
-Rue.

2

What, no “Yo-ho-ho’s”?

3

You certainly had a busy weekend! But I have to tell you that when I read this line:

I had a sudden mental image of Soupo and Katcha on a dog grooming table and you standing over them with clippers. :eek:

That’s all I’ve got. So, how will welby and Exgineer hijack this thread?? :smiley:

4

Isn’t hijacking a Rue thread sort of tantamount to hijacking a Tilt-A-Whirl? I mean you can hijack to your little heart’s content, but the thing is still going to spin in fast circles, up and down, and in the end you are pretty much exactly where you started, albeit dizzier and speaking strangely.

5

Frankly, I’ve come to the conclusion that these things are sort of self-hijacking, and don’t really need my help. So I don’t think I’ll even try.

Although “rum and haircuts” has possibilities.

6

OMG, Shibb - you made me see it clearly all of a sudden! My life is like a Rue thread! The dizziness… the strange speech… the circles… the haircuts and sneakers (see how I linked to the OP?) So now it makes sense! No more expensive therapy! No more drugs. No more daquiris (made with rum - OP again!) to dull the pain!

I feel so much better now. Thank you, Shibb! I owe you big!

7

I’m not allowed to use the dog trimmers on the boys Snickers. Thus spake the little Woman. So I have to use the flip out trimmer on my shaver. But I can use my doggy shears on the boys. I don’t get all the rules, I just follow them.

Funny you should mention the Tilt-O-Whirl Shibb. That was my favorite fairground ride. Even better than the Scrambler or Monster.

Hi Ex. Glad to see you. Just so you don’t feel all snubbed. I know how you get.
-Rue. (goin’ 'round)

8

I have this mental image of Soupo and Katcha sitting there with bowls over their heads, while Rue whacks off the hair sticking out below the bowl with a moustache trimmer in one hand and a giant frozen daiquiri in the other hand (Rue, not Soupo and Katcha are holding the trimmer and the daiquiri, tho’ I’m sure the boys coulda used a daiquiri about this time). This is not a pretty image, I tell ya.

All I wanted to do this weekend was mow my yard. It rained Friday night, so it was too wet to mow Saturday morning. So, I got out in the yard and picked up limbs and pine cones that were all over the yard because pine trees are like that, they litter. Then I edged around the front walk and driveway. Then I went to Sonny’s BBQ and got a take home plate, took it home and ate. I thought, after I eat, the yard will be dry enough to mow. But NOOOO!!! Suddenly it clouded over and started raining again. Then it stopped. Thinks I, maybe in an hour it’ll dry off from this rain, the sun came out and all. But, again, NOOOO!!! It started raining again. So I didn’t cut. Thinks I, but Sunday afternoon it will be all nice and sunny and I can mow. Sunday morning is all nice and sunny. Sunday afternoon? It clouds over and rains. So my yard remains unmown. Maybe I’ll borrow Rue’s moustache trimmer and bown and trim up my yard that way.

-Swampbear (with his hijack contribution to the Monday Rue thread.

9

Tilt-O=Whirl was my favorite ride when I was a kid. Then one time after I got off I just barely managed to get out before rather violently relieving myself of the cotton candy I had been eating earlier. It was years before I got up the nerve to ride one again, but eventually I did, with no ill effects. Now it’s been years since I’ve even had the chance to ride one. But then, my life the last five years or so has been not unlike riding a Tilt-O-Whirl.

Or reading a Rue thread - which I always do, even though I don’t usually contribute. Mainly because I can’t keep up with the spinning.

10

Maybe I’ll borrow Rue’s moustache trimmer and bown and trim up my yard that way.

Or maybe if Rue is using his bown, I’ll just borrow his bowl. :rolleyes:

11

Hey, swampbear! We haven’t had ANY rain of late, but thanks to my watering, I’ve got lots of grass. Feel free to stop on by and mow it for me. Otherwise, I’ll be out there in the 90+ degree, cloudless afternoon sun, sweating and suffering in the pursuit of a reasonable lawn. I should just pave it over and paint it green. It’s more weed than grass anyway. I’m thinking my lawn service is using Weed Feed instead of Weed-n-Feed. The sneaks.

Maybe I’ll get a goat.

12

Don’t think of them as “weeds” Snickers. Think of them as “wildflowers”. It helps a little. I figure if it’s the right color, it’s grass and I’m not going to put stuff on perfectly good grass to kill it. Just to be on the safe side, I don’t fertilize either.

And I need to mow too. I should have mowed yesterday, but I didn’t want to. Now it’s raining and the grass is growing, so who knows what it’ll be like once I get around to it.

Yeah, watch those typos Swampy. I’ll mock you for 'em. Believe me.

So how hard was that to contribute LurkMeister? Think you’ll do it again? (Usually it starts out like that. “Oh I’ll just post this little thing now.” Then before you know it, you’re taking over the thread and yammering about you cat and how he got his plumbing rearanged.)
-Rue. (no aside)

13

Bleh.
The cat’s fine.

:smiley:
Also, I spent the weekend in Ottawa eating fries. It was great.

14

It’s not that I want to mow. My yard just needs it. Ok, so I do like riding around on my green riding mower. It’s not a John Deere, so it’s not John Deere green. It’s dark green. And made by Murray. I guess I could just get out and ride around on my mower just to be doing it, but that might cause the neighbors to become more suspicious than they already are. No need to give more ammo, I say.

I was on a tilt-a-whirl once with a friend and he got sick and threw up all over me and, well, most everybody else on the tilt-a-whirl. That was not fun.

OOH! News! I’m getting quotes on a pool. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna have a pool in my back yard. And not one of those little plastic wading pools. A real honest to goodness 18’ x 36’ pool. It’s gonna be 3’ at the shallow end and go up to 5’. I don’t want a “deep” end with a diving board. I just want a pool to float around in and swim in, even tho’ I don’t swim real good. I’m hoping to have the pool in by the end of June at the latest. Y’all come swim. Or float. Or wade. Or lay around. I’m easy. But you do gotta chip in for the beer. We can have sodas too. And if Rue brings his blender, we’ll make daiquiris.

15

Daquiris sound good. Who’ll bring the snack stuff? And some platypuseses?

16

Hey, swampbear - you gonna get those nifty floating lounges with built-in beverage holders? I’d come to float in a nifty floating lounger. And I’d bring snacks! Fruit salad is very refreshing around the pool, and very healthy. Plus you can take the chunks of fruit and use them to make fancy tropical drinks with paper umbrellas! :cool:

I think you’re wise not to have a diving board. Some people might think it’s funny to do cannonballs and get pool water in our daquiris. I’m not naming names here…

17

Though no daquiris were involved (I don’t think) a guy I knew when I was growing up washed his hair with dog shampoo. His father was a veternarian, and he said it was all the same stuff. It sort of explains why he liked being scratched behind the ears.

Of course, I used Mane & Tail on my daughter, so I can’t really snicker at anyone!

I spent the weekend with the Kentucky Derby (you must. There’s no avoiding it here), transplanting flowers and getting ready for a big event next weekend. People are coming to the house, so I can’t put it off any longer: I must clean. Bleh. I wish I could go swimming in swampy’s pool.

18

See? I was right.

I was going to whomp up something (probably weak) involving dog hair clippers, a bottle of rum, a new pair of not-quite sneakers and giant space mutants, but it turned out to be completely unnecessary. You guys hauled this thing all the way from a hardware store in Ohio to a swimming pool in Georgia in just 15 posts.

Besides, I’ve given up on the “bad poetry” gimmick for two reasons:

  1. It’s stupid. It’s just an easy way to cram diverse elements from other people’s posts into one lump without having to invest too much thought.

  2. I was brutally chastized by Rue for bumping his last thread with bad poetry, and that totally shattered my fragile little ego. sniff

If I’m going to have to come up with truly creative contributions it’s going to take a lot longer. Given the pace at which these things typically move, I have grave doubts about my ability to keep up.

Maybe I’ll just go screw up welby’s new squirrel thread. I’ve already started.

19

He liked to be scratched behind the ears, huh? Was he a leg man?

I want to go swimming!! Can I come, Swampy? I’ll get over being hurt that while I was attacted to you, you were never even remotely attracted to me. I’ll even bring some beer and pretzels.

Well I won a crazy hat contest this weekend by wearing a lampshade on my head. How proverbial is that? It was a pretty beaded number.

So no more Elizabethan collar anymore, Lissla? Is he all okay now?

20

Ex, I like your poetry. So you can dump it in one of my threads any time. Not that I have threads all that often. The one I started about my kid’s prom has dropped down the well, and since that was the only exciting thing in my life, there’s not likely to be any others started soon.

How sad is that?