=you’ve heard “grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” at least 12 times…
-you’ve gotten at least 5 Christmas cards back 9no such address)
-you’ve heard the dogs barkung “Jingle Bells”
any more come to mind?
-you see at least one of the classic tv specials
…the cat has knocked half a dozen ornaments off the tree.
…you have stepped on the one of the said half-dozen that broke.
…the cat carts off one of the “Three Wise Men” as a play toy (at least she’s not playing with “Baby Jesus” anymore).
… “It’s a Wonderful Life” has been on at least a dozen time.
… some bozo brags about how smart he was NOT to take down his Christmas lights last July when the whole neighborhood was ragging on him.
… a Chia head mysteriously appears under the tree.
[mini-rant]
I haven’t had any come back, but I have gotten 3 cards, no return address (I hate that!), signed, “Love, Gary and Michelle”, “Best Wishes, Mike and Tracy” (or whomever)…and I have NO idea who the people are! WTF? Put a return address on your cards!
[/mini-rant]
You see at least 5 cars with wreaths on their front grill. I saw a mini-van the other day with lighted garland wrapped all around the luggage rack on the roof.
The cat has carted off the Virgin Mary and an angel as playtoys.
Your in-laws have called 6 times to ask what time you will be coming over on Christmas Day.
Your young child has changed his mind YET AGAIN about what he wants Santa to bring.
Between the two of us, maybe we can make one complete creche. (Okay, an extra Joseph and 5 Wise Men, but there’ll be more animals).
I’ll lend you my puppy - the other dogs know not to mess with the christmas tree, but I’m sure that the pup can solve your Joseph problem as his object lesson for destroying Christmas…(the worst was when I was 12 & one of the guide dog puppies got hold of a glass bauble & took it under the table to chew it. As I crawled under to retrieve it, there was a pop noise & he had a mouth of slivers of glass for me to get out…I still don’t know how neither of us got cut.).
You know it’s Christmas when…you see a sales assistant dragged away still beating the muzak centre to pieces and screaming about jingle bells…(no, wait, that happens in September these days…I’ll try again later!)
Forget the “Jingle Dogs”. Every year I play my “Jingle Cats” CD. There’s nothing that makes me ready for the holidays than hearing those kittens meow out the tune for “Jingle Bells” and “Silent Night”.
–you get the memo about how much you’re supposed to “tip” various people.
–you have to start drinking the weird liquor in wacky gift bottles you received last Christmas in order to make room for the weird liquor in wacky gift bottles you will receive this Christmas.
–you can’t find the box of gifts that you were so proud of buying in July of last year, when you decided to get a jump on Christmas. You will find the box next March.
–you drop one ornament while decorating the tree, and when you pick it up, the hook is gone. You will also find this next March, with your bare foot.
–you listen to the radio hoping to hear your favorite holiday pop song, and when it comes on, it’s not actually your favorite song, it’s a cover of your favorite song by the Spice Girls. I ask you, is this fair?
–and on a more positive note, you spend an evening wrestling with the cat, so your spouse can hold him down while you put the cute little fake antlers on his head and take a picture. Looking back at these pictures from Christmases past, that disgruntled look on the cat’s face makes it all worth it.
That strange as hell pairing of David Bowie and Bing Crosby singing “The Little Drummer Boy” has been shown a few times on MTV.
(The above applied when MTV still played music, not just re-runs of “Rock & Jock XXI - Pin the Tail on the Rappin’ Donkey.”
You meet up on the 23rd with your hashing pals from the old home town and get buzzed on Tuborg Christmas beer. Getting very sentimental and hitting on their sisters is part of the tradition as well.
The hangover on the 24th is so worth it.
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The cat climbs into the Tree
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The Tree collapses into the TV (Cat got out alive)
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Mum calls and complains about(no Christmas Card, why you didn’t call her [Mum you know I sleep at least till 3 p.m., get to it, even better get AIM or ICQ and use this to talk to me], why you didn’t make her a granny [mum, Halleluja, I’m single right now], that your sister is much nicer than you, why you haven’t invited her this year [just guess mum], insert your mothers complain here)
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you have listened to all Christmas Cds you own and feel sick
Sounds good!
The weird thing is, the angel she keeps stealing has a little loop on the back and it hangs from a tiny little nail in the top of the creche. She has to grab it, lift it off the nail and run away with it. I think the cat just gets a kick out of seeing me fishing stuff out from under the furniture.
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The offramp to the mall is jamed for a mile on the freeway.
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It looks like daylight from all of the Christmas lights at certain houses.
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You hear “What Child is This”
Cat eats tinsel, tinsel comes out the other end (with a little help from a loving human . . . ewww)