My wife and I were visiting some friends the other day and they started talking about their 11 year old daughter and “what a tomboy” she was. She loves sports, and the rough and tumble play. It was clear that this couple was (and rightly so) proud of their daughter and her actions.
On the ride home it occured to me that if a little boy was considered a "tomgirl" -- liking those things normally associated with girls -- more likely than not he would be facing many years of therapy sessions to try and "cure" him.
My question is this: What is the social, cultural and histroical reasons why we accept girls who are masculine and shun boys who are feminine?
Well, an answer before this goes off to IMHO or wherever.
Things associated with masculinity are also associated with higher status, so a “tomboy”–at least in 2001–is showing interest in skills that could lead to her being more financially/professionally successful later on. (When marriage was a girl’s only chance at success, parents were not so happy about tomboyishness.)
OTOH, feminine behaviors are associated with low status, so a boy who shows an interest in them is going to be a source of concern to his parents.
There are also the sexual issues. There’s a lingering perception that boys who don’t do the usual boy things are showing early signs of being gay.
Why the notion of a tomboy turning into a lesbian isn’t so upsetting to parents isn’t exactly clear. My theory is that people don’t really take young girls’ sexual feelings seriously, unless they involve the threat of pregnancy.
I think you’re working from a false premise here. In general we don’t accept girls who are masculine. Widespread acceptance of girls in sports is quite recent, and is still by no means universal. And while a certain level of “tomboyish” behavior may be tolerated in young girls, by the time they reach puberty they are expected to give it up and start “acting like real girls”.
As for boys who like “those things normally associated with girls”, that depends on what you mean. I know a 12-year-old boy who loves to cook, an activity which many people would consider feminine. His parents certainly haven’t attempted to “cure” him of wanting to bake cakes! Now, if this boy had instead expressed a preference for dressing up in frilly pink frocks then things probably would have gone much differently for him.
As for why that is, I am inclined to believe that culturally we still see “masculine” things as being strong, good, and desireable, and “feminine” things as being weak, silly, and worthless. Given this belief, the desire of girls or women to be “masculine” is understandable, while the desire of boys or men to be “feminine” would be at best incomprehensible and at worst despicable.
Well, as long as we stick to the historical reasons why this perception has held, I think we’re still (barely) on factual ground. We’ll wait and see where the thread ends up going.
Title IX may actually have a lot to do with it over the past 30 years–gave schoolage girls the chance to get invovled in sports, and opened a lot of new doors for being recognized for their abilities.
If in our culture “boyish” = Strong, assertive; and “effeminate” = Weak, subservient –
And if in our culture Strong= good and Weak = Bad –
Then “tomboy”=good, “sissy”=bad
Interestingly, there is no male equivalent of “tomboy.” The general usage seems to be in the sense of a girl who is into vigorous physical activity – including but not limited to sports – is assertive, self-confident, and does not clutter her life or waste her time with frilly frou-frou “little princess” stuff or activities; if she makes it thru adolescence retaining the attitude but without going too far in the butch direction she can then be a “Grrrrl,” in the more recent slang, and that is still “respectable.”
As an added bonus, the parent of the tomboyish-but-straight girl has confidence that she is less likely to let a boy “take advantage” of her until she’s good and ready.
There is however no non-pejorative word that would stand for a boy who tends towards introspection, nonagression, disdain for physical activities, self effacement, cleaning up after himself and being disgusted at fart humor; if he pulls this off without being effeminate, he’s still “weird”, or maybe a “geek.”
As an added concern, the parent of the meek boy was traditionally worried that he would be at the mercy of bullies and Alpha-male jocks (at least now he can hope that Junior makes a Billion$ in software)
Now, except among the very higher classes, across history women were raised to do hard work and hold their own thru wet planting seasons, hot summers, failing harvests and stormy winters. A girl who could, if the man o’ the house fell sick, do some plowing herself was a much more useful mate than some faintin’ crinolined belle. Still is. So the “strong woman” has always been approved of.