It's the Twenty Fucking First Century, So Why CAN'T We Cure the Common Cold?

The BBQ Pit
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I have a particularly nasty cold at the moment, my sinuses ooze gunk down the back of my throat, my bottom ribs are sore from trying to cough my lungs out, my eyes feel like they’re filled with sludge, and I feel like crap in general. Were I Martian, I’d be dead by now.

You’d think that I’d be able to go to the doc, get a shot in the butt, and in a couple of hours be fine, but noooooo! That’s not possible. The only “treatments” available to me are: Nyquil, chicken soup, fluids (I’m drinking enough fluids right now that I can hardly go an hour without having to take a piss), and bed rest.

Oh, but Tucker, you say, we can’t cure the common cold. It’s caused by a virus and it’s constantly mutating, so anything we develop to try and cure a cold, would soon be ineffective.

BULLSHIT!!! Yes, the virus does mutate, but it doesn’t mutate all that much. If it did, Nyquil would have to change their slogan from the stuffy head, achy, etc., etc., etc. to something else every year. The symptoms stay the same. No one has ever been rushed to the hospital because their nutsack suddenly exploded and has been told that they have a cold. That means a good portion of the virus doesn’t change. Even SARS wasn’t all that different than a regular cold virus.

Anyone who’s had 7th grade biology knows how viruses work: The virus sneaks up on some unsuspecting cell and proceeds to sodomize it until the cell agrees to start spitting out copies of the virus like some Chinese factory worker cranking out Kathy Lee Gifford sweaters. We’ve mapped the human genenome, the genenome of chimps, and a bunch of other species, we just need to map the genenome of the cold virus. Somewhere, in it, is a sequence of genes that make it a virus and not, say, a grapefruit tree. We find that sequence, figure out a way to block it, and wham! No more cold virus! Yea!

And don’t hand me this crap that that’s way too complicated for us to figure out. We’re sticking fish genes into tomatoes, making glow-in-the-dark bunny rabbits, and crossing humans with cows and rabbits. If we can do that shit, we can figure out how to kill the common cold. Trust me.

Oh, but where will we ever get the money to pay for all this? It’ll be soooooo expensive! I’ll tell you where we’ll get the money: Slap a 10 cent tax on every cold remedy sold (50 cents if it’s “homeopathic” :rolleyes: ) and at the end of the cold and flu season, we’ll have more than enough money to pay for all the research (don’t forget that the guys running meth labs buy that stuff by the case, so there’ll be a steady income all year round). Come on, you lab coated bastards, get on this.

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Don’t you think if that were possible, someone would have done it already? They would stand to make some money from it, I’m sure.

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I’d only be willing to pay about $50.00 to have my cold cured. Otherwise I’d just tough it out for a week. Not much potential profit may be part of the problem.

Sorry you’re feeling bad!

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As I understand it, it’s not that the virus mutates every year, it’s that a buttload of different viruses cause similar symptoms.

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But we can cure it…at least here on the board we can: Conclusive evidence

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I think the problem is not that viruses mutate. Bacteria mutate, but that does not make antibiotics ineffective; it does lead to an endless war of shifting fronts, as some strains become resistant to the antibiotics we have and we need to develop new ones – but bacterial diseases and infections are still much easier to treat, by and large, than before penicillin was discovered. No, the problem is that we have no broad-spectrum antiviral drugs at all, no viral analogue to penicillin.

If you have a problem with that, give as much as you can to AIDS research – not just to fight that particular disease, but because if the doctors can crack that one, they almost certainly will be able to cure viral diseases of all kinds, including colds. Spinoff, you know.

This thread really belongs in GQ or GD, but the title would need editing . . .

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Well, it’s been possible for us to go to the Marianas Trench, but we’ve only done it once. For twenty minutes.

Seriously, though, it costs big bucks to run gene sequencers, biiiig bucks, and they tend to like to use them on “sexy” things that’ll enable them to shout, “We’ve found the gene for aging!” or what have you. A cold, is a minor irritant, at best. I’d be willing to bet that they simply haven’t thought of going after the cold virus this way. I’m also willing to bet that once they crack the exact mechanism of a virus, they’ll soon figure out that they all have an identical mechanism (Mother Nature tends to be a bit lazy when it comes to evolution), so a treatment that handles one virus will work on all of them. (My understanding is that research into block the reproduction of the AIDS virus has led to drugs which reduce the rate of flu virus reproduction.)

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Right. There are approximately 8,432 different illnesses (number procured from my gluteal region) with people call, “I hab a cowd”. So it’s not one virus you’re looking for an anti-viral for, it’s thousands.

It’s also why internet diagnosis is so bad: I have congestion, shortness of breath and coughing with copious mucus that’s hard to cough up. So do I have “a cold” or TB or bronchitis or allergies or…? Differential diagnosis is needed, but for your run of the mill short term illness involving congestion, coughing and runny nose, it’s not worth the time and effort to do so. Call it “a cold”, treat it symptomatically and you’ll get better soon.

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There isn’t such a thing as “the common cold.” Sorry. There’s just a huge wad of viruses that have in common that they make you sneeze. There are only so many mechanisms for blowing stuff out of your body. Sorry you have a cold, though.

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Well you maybe can’t cure it but I’m totally sold on the ginseng extract prep they sell here as a cold preventative. Three times over the past 18 months or so I’ve begun to have cold symptoms and killed it dead with the stuff. Last time was particularly impressive. I get sick one of two ways; either I cough lots over the course of a day or else I have a nose that runs and runs and won’t stop. Both those things invariably signal the beginning of illness.

A couple weeks ago, I had the ‘blow nose all day’ syndrome. Filled - literally - half a garbage can with used tissues. Figured I was hooped and that because I hadn’t taken the ginseng stuff right at the onset of symptoms (which began as I was walking to work) it would be too late to forestall the ailment. Nonetheless I started the course of treatment (you take 3 pills thrice the first day, 2 pills thrice the second, and then 1 pill thrice the third). Damned if it didn’t completely subside!!! I was a little headachy and tired for a couple days but rather than progressing to a full-blown cold (which for me means graduating to a cough that lasts weeks), it went completely away.

According to the website, the makers have conducted seven clinical trials and have published in peer-reviewed journals. As far as I’m concerned, it’s the real deal.

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There are hundreds of cold viruses, and they evolve. From Wikipedia :

Also, IIRC no one’s ever created a direct cure for any virus; as said, there’s no penicillin for viruses. We have drugs that slow some of them, and vaccines. Slowing isn’t curing, and vaccines only mobilize the immune system against a particular virus. As the article says, that’s impractical to do beforehand, and as for after infection, our immune system already handles colds just fine.

So, a common cold cure would need to do something that’s never been done, do it for hundreds of viruses, do it faster that the immune system can, and do it cheaply enough that people won’t just tough it out.

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Suffer, bitch.

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Now here, instead of bringing the Chinese into this, I would have instead made a reference to the Flemish.

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Ever notice how there’s a new flu shot every year? As well, flu shots typically include vaccines for several different flu viruses. And yet, flu symptoms are more or less unchanged from year to year. The fact that a virus or other micro-organism for a given disease mutates might change the symptoms, but it certainly doesn’t have to.

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Since you’ve got the obvious expertise as to how this all works, I think we’ll just leave it up to you. I know the task is beyond me and my colleagues at this time. And I bet KarlGauss defers the task too, and he’s got a lot more experience & knowledge in the world of infectious disease than I do.

So get on it! Use your knowledge of how Nyquil works as an antimutagen and symptom reliever against a cold, and give us the cure.

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:stuck_out_tongue: Niquil isn’t even a good symptom reliever, since cough suppressants don’t work. Believe me, if I had the cash, I’d happily pour it into medical research (as well as a few other areas). I’m a smoker, and I’m eagerly awaiting the day when they can clone lungs (a new set would come in handy when I have a cold, too, now that I think about it, but that’s kind of like chopping off your head to cure a headache).

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Coxsackieviruses? Some kind of Chinese STD virus? :smiley:

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shakes head This is what happens with just a little bit of knowledge.

Trust me–“anyone who’s had 7th grade biology” doesn’t know jack shit about how viruses actually work; all they know is the Reader’s Digest Abridged Books version with simple language and four-color diagrams. How viruses work is a major, active field of study (virology) which receives heavy funding from both the government and private industry. Many viruses have had their genomes mapped out extensively (since viruses typically have noncomplex genomes in comparison to even the most primitive animal or plant, this is cheap, especially with modern process). However, mapping out a genome is only a very tiny step toward understanding how it functions (and more importantly with regard to viruses, how to make it stop functioning). And the range of virus species are enormous; it is essentially impossible at this point to make an accurate survey of the number of virus species extant; currently identified species number around 4000, but the true number is likely to be in the millions (depending now how you define speciation for a non-sexually-reproducing quasi-organism).

Viruses are particularly tricky to target, because techincally speaking, they’re not alive. Lacking any indentifiable waste or respiration processes of their own, they’re the equivilent of a biological stealth cruise missile; you don’t see it until it’s already penetrated the defenses and is raining fire on the target. For the most part, it’s very, very difficult to distinguish a virus from a random, inert complex protein until it invades a cell and turns the organelles over to producing more viruses. Heck, most viruses (particularly ones that are well adapted) offer little or no symptoms, and some may even be beneficial in a symboitic fashion. Ebola and other hemorrhagic viruses, for instance, are actually poorly adapted, and their lethality on the host prevents wide reproduction. Viruses like HPV, SV-40, or the varicella-zoster virus are virtually universal in humans because of how generally benign they are to overall reproductive functioning.

Gene splicing (making glow-in-the-dark fish, or tomatos with high calcium levels) is tedious business, but not that technically complex; while I’m grossly oversimplying here, you basically identify a nucleotide sequence that appears to be associated with a particular gene expression and keep on splicing it into your target species until something takes, or you figure out that the interactions with other genes prevent correct expression. It’s hard, demanding work to be sure, but nothing on the order of difficulty of finding a mechanism to identify and inhibit a virus.

Frankly, it’s probably a lot easier to modify the human genome and cellular mechanics to be resistant to the action of current viruses than it would be to try to root out and destroy the viruses themselves. Not that this is easy (or at this point, remotely plausible) but the elimination of viruses is vastly more difficult and complex than you understand it to be.

Stranger

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I too was a skeptic-but my wife and I now take 500 mgrams a day-we have been for 4 years now, and we NEVER get colds. Before this, I would get -10 very bad colds every winter-they would last 2 weeks from start to finish…starting with scratchy throat, to nasal cogestion, to cough,etc. Now, I might get a sniffle-but its gone in a day. I can truly say Linus Pauling was right on this one.

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Don’t forget the dinosaur fossils. Judging from the size of the industry, hundreds of thousands if not millions of people in China swear by them.

And, of course, pray to Inanna. Do not pray to anything else, as blasphemy is sure to ruin your day. Questioning this order is blasphemy of the rankest sort.