Look. The fly is already dead. We don’t need a dead Hal and/or dog to go along with it.
Blame the fly; it obviously got into the spinach.
Failing that, I’m perfectly willing to take the blame.
As long as she can never, ever, *nevah-evah * find me. :eek:
Acutally I see right through Hal’s trying to kill a fly ruse. Those curtains had it coming to 'em! They are butt ugly! Now Hal has the opportunity to get those blue chintz drapes he wanted in the first place.
And that’s the one that saved my bacon.
The curtains were left by the previous owners. We’ve since decorated the kitchen in a wine-bottle-and-grapes theme…and purple curtains would look so much nicer in there than those musty, old non-flame-retardant red ones!
We’re heading to the store in a couple of minutes. 
There are less potentially lethal ways to redecorate. Just sayin’ for future consideration is all…
Hal, I’m just sittin’ here, with the occasional snort of laughter, imagining your face when this happened. I’ll go back and look at the after shot of the curtain, then take to snickering again, picturing you with the lighter in one hand and the Pledge in the other, gawking at the poor ruined curtain.
Thanks for sharing.
ETA: What a lucky break.
My advise:
Pretend that nothing happened. It was an ordinary day… nothing happened at all. When the wife asks what happened to the curtain, say, “Whoa! Look at that! I have no idea!!” Then go back to whatever you were doing before she brought it up.
Plausible deniability is your friend.
Bein’ as this is Hal we’re talkin’ about I imagine his first reaction was along the lines of… “DUDE! That was soooooooo cool!”
WOOHOO! Happy to help, Hal , really…
But shouldn’t you have said it saved your mutton?
What? You have the perfect excuse – and the ideal revenge in one package:
“Honey, before you go into the kitchen, I’ve got to tell you something. Remember that clown from work who made me the laughingstock of the Dope with the thing about the sheep? Well, he stopped by the house today, and these flies got in with him…”
::: Mrs. Briston goes into kitchen ::::
“That sonofabitch! My curtains! I’ll kill him!!”
Hal, I’m so glad to see you’ve survived.
Umm…
Can you offer a coherent explaination for why firebombing a fly seemed a good idea?
I mean, I get the whole, “fire good heheheheh” thing, but that doesn’t balance out the whole “open flame” thing to me.
What, am I the only one(besides the previous owners) who really liked that curtain?
You’ve answered your own question there.
Good point. Maybe somebody should slide by Hal’s house and “borrow” his Pledge. (and Lysol, the wife’s hairspray and any other accelerant you can think of)
Don’t test him. I’ve seen him cook a turkey that way.
Hal Briston, meet The Executioner.
I got one of these for my Dad, step-Dad, and boyfriend as soon as I saw it. Maybe you should mention to your wife you should get one to avoid these kinds of mishaps in the future. Bug zapping fun, with sparks (and smoke if they are big enough), plus excercise!
See you back at the village! 
Plus it’s better than my husband’s take on this with trying the same thing on a hornet/wasp/something-or-other nest. In his defense, he was a young boy at the time (grade school age). The really big downside to it was that he learned that some of those pissed-off insects can still fly short distances while burning/singed, and those that aren’t can fly even farther. Burns plus stings, ouchie!
We used to kill cockroaches that way back when I was a missionary. I got carried away one day and melted the flooring in the bathroom. Ooops.
Hmm. Let’s take another look at the facts:
[ul][li]Dead fly.[/li][li]Can of Pledge next to a lighter.[/li][li]Burn-hole in curtains.[/li][/ul]
Man, a tragic suicide like this really makes you think.
Maybe she’d get all squishy if you square your jaw, squint your eyes and snarl that it “needed killin’.”
N’yeah, probably not.
Without reading the spoiler or the other replies, I’m going to guess it’s “using this product in a manner inconsistent with it’s labeling.”
checks spoiler box
Damn.