It's too hot when...

It’s too hot when it’s 86 degrees inside your house. In the evening. In New England. :frowning:


You hear the phrase “half-naked, glistening with sweat” and all you can picture is a fat guy jogging with his shirt off.

I feel like drop-kicking someone everytime I hear this. It’s always those people who’ve either A.) Never been here in the summer, or B.) Were here on an abnormally cool day in June or September when it was only 105 (it never gets that cool in July or August) and thought it felt tolerable.

Listen up everybody who will feel compelled to vomit this juicy nugget of utter bullshit directly into some poor Phoenician’s face this summer, because I’m going to settle this once and for all.

NUMBER ONE (1): Humidity makes a small difference in how us humans perceive heat, true. This is because our natural cooling method (sweat) doesn’t quite work as well when evaporation is made more difficult. This does not mean that 85 degrees will someone magically feel hotter than 118 degrees just because there is more moisture in the air. It’s 33 fucking degrees! It’s the roaring fires of hell versus your grandfather’s old zippo!

NUMBER TWO (2): We have here what’s called a Monsoon Season. That’s right: from late July through August, the humidity commonly climbs up into the 80-90+ percent range. Not to mention that this is the hottest time of the year. So when you hear people talk about 118-120 degree temperatures here and you feel like spewing forth that sacred and eternal charm of wisdom, Yeah, But It’s a Dry Heat, know that you are not only theoretically wrong, but you’re wrong in fact, too!


It’s too hot when…actually, I’m not sure. It was 90F today with 73% humidity, and it wasn’t too hot yet. I like this sort of weather. Once the humidity is in the 90s too, then I’ll agree that it’s too hot. Did you know that the humidity can be above 100%? I’ve seen it at 101-102% on the weather channel, anyway.

Oh wait, I know!

It’s too hot when you have to put ice packs in your fish tank to keep your goldfish from boiling. yes, really.

I tried. The pipe wouldn’t light; stuff was too damp :smiley:

and … ITHW the minute it takes to get from the office to your car is pure hell. At 7:30 in the evening. And then you get a gush of blast-furnace-temperature air when you open the car door, anyway… :eek:

If you’re a man, It’s too hot when sweat sticks your scrotum to your inner thigh.

My Secret told on me.