Yesterday, a small stray dog in our school ground turned on me and bit me. I am now very worried that at the next full moon, I will turn into that most dreaded of beasts - a were-chihuahua.
Does anyone know anything about this strange and terrible phenomenon? How long do the transformations last? Does anyone have stories of man-chihuahuas going on to lead normal, productive lives?
And please, most importantly, if it becomes necessary for mambowoman to, you know,* kill * me if I do become a danger to my family, how should she do it?
Yes, yes. All the appropriate medical bases have been covered. Except, of course, those such as werechihuahuaism, which is beyond the ken of the medical sciences.
You will undoubtedly attack anything that moves with vicious and uncontrollable chihuahua-rage. Fortunately, you will be unable to reach above anyone’s ankles. Warn your family to wear boots or high-top sneakers and they should be safe from your depredations.
Fortunately, a were-chihuahua’s heightened metabolism and overwrought nervous system generally results in transformations of much shorter duration than those sustained by larger lycanthropes. Unfortunately, this is usually due to the were-chihuahua experiencing abrupt heart failure. If you survive the first five minutes, you should be okay to go hide under the bed and growl intermittently for the next hour or two before resuming your human form. Then you can crawl out, wearing dust bunnies and a sheepish expression.
I would suggest stepping on you. It’s quick and efficient. Alternatively, she could feed you chocolate–the sugar rush should finish overloading both of your chihuahua brain cells, causing your pointy little head to explode, with chocolate poisoning as a backup plan.
I used to work as a dog groomer and got bit several times, one of them being by a Scottie. We used to call them the Arnold Schwartzenegger of dogs since they are solid muscle from the tips of their toes to the ends of their overdeveloped muzzles. Now this thread has me thinking it would have been cool to have turned into a WereScottie. Just think of it! On the full moon, I’d turn into a smaller version of the Incredible Hulk but with wiry black hair. I could bite through 5 inch steel cables if I wanted. I’d come in at my enemies low and I’d come in fast. No one would dare mess with me! Bwahahaha!
