I've been (falsely) accused of sexual harrassment at work. What should I do now?

[Mahaloth]

Someone slandered me at work about sexual harrassment.

Anyway, it was terrible for awhile. I had to wait about 3 days to find out what the charges were and when I found out, it turned out the whole thing was made up.

I remember being prepared to apologize is something was misinterpreted or I “leaned the wrong way” or something, but this lady was nuts!

I was bothered by two things.

1. Should I continue working there? I do work there still and I keep my distance from her. When she is in the breakroom, I go elsewhere. I have not come within 10 feet of her since the incident.

2. What evil would motivate someone to do something like this? I mean, this thing was intentionaly fabricated out of nowhere. I had never even really met the individual, let alone touch. I never bumped into her, shook her hand, or even knew her name. I still have no idea. I just figure she is a very sad person, who desperately needs attention. Perhaps she likes to be the victim in the eyes of others? I don’t know. It didn’t work, since no one believed her(based on my charachter and personality).

It was tough.

[E72521]

partly_warmer, the directive was verbal and it came from my boss. She stated to me that HR would be looking into the matter, but they have not contacted me or my other so called co-harrassers. I can’t discuss this even with them, or I could be fired. They have no knowlege of what’s happening.

I agree with you about recording everything, and I have. I tried to have that memo placed on record and she handed it back to me. It’s got her hand writing on it. It would also seem to me that this very thread could act as a record of my feelings and emotions, as this happened just yesterday afternoon.

I took today off to cool off and gather my composure. I didn’t sleep too well last night. I have very marketable job skills and a good reputation in my field. I am going to find a new job STAT, something I can walk right into, but I plan on waiting this out to get my bonus.

[Robb]

E72521, watch as your good intentions are turned against you:

to establish the fact that I identified two individuals who had a motive to do this to me before their identities were revealed to me.

Of course you can name your accusers before they are revealed to you, you knew their identities when you started harassing them.
(mind you, this is simply presented as an exercise in using documents against the author, I have no reason to doubt you.)

[Eonwe]

E72521

Just wanted to say that I realise that the point of my post might have been missed. I basically wanted to say that I feel for ya, as being involved in something like this when the other parties involved are flat out lying is just incrediably stressful, as the repercussions of a sexual harrasment claim can be pretty damaging. Good luck!

[partly_warmer]

E72521,

I’ll echo Eonwe, and say, I’m sorry. It sounds like infuriating bullshit.

I don’t think you’re kidding yourself, you’re in a difficult spot, and if you can use your experience and credentials to find another job right away, I wouldn’t hesitate.

I had a neighbor who was in Human Resources, and she gave me some advice. I’ll pass it on. Don’t ever quit. Ever. That’s what she said. Go to Human Resources and say “I’m not sure this job is working out for me. Maybe we should consider terms I’ll move on.” I haven’t had a chance, yet, so I can’t tell you how it works, but I imagine it involves polite, and very subtle references to “unresolved” differences of opinion. They don’t want a legal suit. Neither do you. And it would help if you dropped a few comments your lawyer had given you, giving their name.

[NurseCarmen]

False reporters are the vilest creatures on earth. It’s institutionalized slander that you cannot protect yourself against, and it harms those who are truly harrased. Since the two are in cahootz it’s a very difficult situation. They will not back down since doing so would most likely result in their termination.

The health profession is looking for people big time right now. Some may offer a signing bonus that may be close to what you’ll get at the end of the fiscal year. It wouldn’t hurt to start looking. Since you are activly employed, you can afford to be picky, and you can make demads from any prospective employer. Who knows, maybe you could drag out a job acceptance until the end of the fiscal year.

Good luck.

[VOW]

Ehhhhhhh, the ACLU is a fat-assed joke. We once contacted them about a police-harassment issue, and we got a solicitation for a contribution.

You mentioned labor union. If YOU are a member of the union, contact your union rep, ASAP. If you need a lawyer, you can get one thru the union.

This sounds like a situation which occurred with my husband. A supervisor made noises like he was going to be clobbered with formal complaints, and it turned out she was blowing something completely out of proportion. Once the so-called accusers were asked, point-blank, what the alleged problem was, it turns out it was just a piddly-assed gripe that could have been handled with an “I’m sorry.”

Keep the yapper shut, call your union rep. Believe me, a union rep can shut up a supervisor better than a tube of superglue.
~VOW

[E72521]

VOW, Florida is what is known as a right to work state. This means that the union doesn’t carry the weight that a union in your home state of California does. And besides, as part of the management team myself, I am not eligable to be part of the bargaining unit. In short, I can’t join the union. But I agree with you that they may be a good resource for an experienced lawyer.

[chula]

*Originally posted by E72521 *
FTR, I consider myself a gentleman and would never engage in “boy talk” in the presence of ladies.

This statement disturbs me. I expect for my boss to treat me in exactly the same way he treats my male coworkers. You should not be engaging in any behavior that may be illegal if you got caught. You run the risk of one of “the boys” reporting you or one of “the ladies” overhearing you.

[PhilAlex]

I fully agree with the “Don’t Quit” advice up there.

Personally, I’ll NEVER work where I’m not wanted 100%.

A quick story:

Phil works in a place that collected for the Humane Society.

$1 into the jar each casual day. (Friday)

One day, it’s noticed a lot of $$ is missing.

Some people think Phil took it.

Took a long time to forget about it.

2 years later, MY BOSS is caught stealing from women’s purses. Fired instantly. No more money missing, ever.

Any apology? Anything at all?

Zip.

PS: I’ve worked for people like your boss. They like to “Stockpile” infractions so they can zing you whenever they need to.

Personally, I only do consulting now, and, believe it or not, my BEST client is one who has a large independant sales organization under him.

He has blacks, whites, gays, straight, even a few people with, uh, questionable views.

All he cares about is results. I went into a meeting with him yesterday in a t-shirt and torn jeans.

Much MUCH better than the office of abuse I worked at, where looking the part was more important than results.

Good luck. If it’s any consolation, people who I speak to consider everyday behaviour in formulating your character, not some funny thing you MAY have said behind the water cooler one day.

Now, on the other hand, if you are like the Dan Fielding character on Night court every day (And I doubt you are), well, that’s another story.

The whole thing of sexual harrassment is a witch hunters paradise.

Good luck…

[E72521]

*Originally posted by chula *
**This statement disturbs me. I expect for my boss to treat me in exactly the same way he treats my male coworkers. You should not be engaging in any behavior that may be illegal if you got caught. You run the risk of one of “the boys” reporting you or one of “the ladies” overhearing you. **

Well you lost me on that one. Exactly what in the world do you find so disturbing about being a gentleman? And what does being a gentleman have to do with equal opportunity? Are you as equally disturbed when a gay boss treats her straight subordinates differently? And please be specific about the illegal activity you allege I am committing.

This thread was posted to attract responses from people with first hand experience with these types of matters and knowlege of the law regarding burden of proof. Thanks for your $0.02 anyway.

[chula]

*Originally posted by E72521 *
**Well you lost me on that one. Exactly what in the world do you find so disturbing about being a gentleman? And what does being a gentleman have to do with equal opportunity? Are you as equally disturbed when a gay boss treats her straight subordinates differently? And please be specific about the illegal activity you allege I am committing.

This thread was posted to attract responses from people with first hand experience with these types of matters and knowlege of the law regarding burden of proof. Thanks for your $0.02 anyway. **

What gave you the idea you could limit responses to those that are entirely sympathetic and favorable to you?

I don’t know what you said, but if it couldn’t be said around “ladies” without constituting sexual harassment, then it was sexual harassment. Lots of things are now illegal that used to be dismissed with “boys will be boys.” You may very well be wrong about being “falsely” accused. A women might have been heard you, or one of your sexist remarks (or whatever you consider “boy talk”) might have offended one of the men you were speaking to.

[manhattan]

*Originally posted by chula *
**What gave you the idea you could limit responses to those that are entirely sympathetic and favorable to you?

I don’t know what you said, but if it couldn’t be said around “ladies” without constituting sexual harassment, then it was sexual harassment. **

There is no guarantee that responses will be sympathetic or favorable.

I and my fellow mods, however, are charged with guaranteeing that responses will be factual. I believe that under current U.S. law, the scenario you offer is not legally sexual harrassment. Do you have a citation?

[E72521]

a la Chula:

What gave you the idea you could limit responses to those that are entirely sympathetic and favorable to you?

I stated the purpose of my thread. How does that limit you? It would be nice if you had something constructive to add, but I don’t have the authority to limit you if you don’t.

You may very well be wrong about being “falsely” accused. A women might have been heard you, or one of your sexist remarks (or whatever you consider “boy talk”) might have offended one of the men you were speaking to.

Let’s see what we have here. You state that I may very well may be wrong about being falsely accused. Sounds like a guilty verdict if I ever heard one. Please cite your first hand knowlege of my private life or do the decent thing and apologize for making such a wreckless statement. There is a forum for posting opinions. This isn’t it.

[Boyo_Jim]

There are a few items unclear to me from your OP.

1. Your boss told you that two women had asked for the specifics of the company’s sexual harassment policy. That does NOT constitute “a complaint”, though it may indicate they were considering making a formal complaint. Later you say your boss “lied” to you when she denied there was a complaint. What other evidence do you have that there has been a formal complaint made?

2. You say your accusers “were made to feel uncomfortable”. Does this mean they were made to feel uncomfortable about your comments to others, or that they were made uncomfortable because you have become aware of their identities as complainants? Have you spoken to ANYONE else at work about this other than your boss?

3. The conversation that you wrote a memo about – was it the conversation with other male coworkers that you suspect led to the complaint, or was it about the conversation with your boss regarding the complaints from the women.

4. Do you in fact remember a conversation with male coworkers which, had a woman overheard (or gained knowledge of through 2nd hand comments made by other employees), might have made her feel uncomfortable? With all due respect to manhattan, if such a converstation took place, I agree with chula that you may be vulnerable, regardless of the intended recipients of your comments. By the way, IANA lawyer, so take what I say with a grain of salt, and do talk to one if this goes any farther.

I will give you an example from my former workplace. Our head of security (a man in his 60s) crossed paths with three of our women coworkers (also in their 60s) in a hallway. His comment was, “Good afternoon, girls.” The museum director (a woman in her 40s), walking down the hall somewhat behind the security guy, overheard this comment, and suspended him for a week without pay. None of the three women initiated a complaint nor, when I asked them about it later, did they claim his comment was in any way offensive to them. I don’t know what outcome there would have been had he appealed this punishment (as a Federal employee, there was certainly some avenue of appeal, but he chose not to contest it.

My opinion is, if you make comments in the workplace that may be offensive to women, even if there are no women around to hear them, you may be held accountable for those statements.

I don’t say you made such statements, but like chula, your disclaimer gives me a certain degree of discomfort.

[manhattan]

Perhaps you misunderstood the purpose of my intervention.

Any non-directly-OP-related discussion between you and Chula is this forum is over. Done. Pining for the fjords. It is an ex-discussion.

When a cop breaks up a fight, the aggreived party doesn’t get one last free hit.

Both of you, let it drop or take it to the Pit.

[Acsenray]

There is sexual harrassment as defined by law and there is sexual harrassment as defined by companies. They are two different things.

Sexual harrassment as prohibited by law takes two forms –

1. Demands for sexual favours from subordinates
2. Hostile work environment

In order to prove the second, the “boy talk” must be pervasive. In other words, if it just happens once, you haven’t broken the law.

However, under our employment law regime, companies are given free reign to control the employer-employee relationship and set workplace rules and many – partly out of the fear of sexual harrassment lawsuits and partly, probably, because it can be a very useful hammer to use against employees for whatever reason – have instituted ridiculously draconian sexual harrassment regimes that have nothing to do with the law.

My company, for example, considers this situation to be disciplinable sexual harrassment –

A group of female colleagues are on their lunch break and are hanging out in the stairwell chatting and gossiping. One of them is complaining about infidelity on the part of her boyfriend. Her friends commiserate with her and say “You know, all men are dogs!” Just at that time a male colleague is passing through the stairwell; he overhears the comment and is offended.

It is, of course, idiotic for such a circumstance to be considered sexual harrassment and the law would never punish you for this. However, as I said, your company can set whatever idiotic rules they want, especially in a “right-to-work” (that’s a laugh) state like Florida where unions are weak.

Frankly, unless you have an employment contract of some kind, you are an at-will employee and your employer can fuck around with you for any reason or for no reason and only in certain limited circumstances do you have any recourse.

[chula]

I hope I’m allowed to bring in some cites to explain what I was getting at. Type “hostile work environment” into a search engine and you’ll get all kinds of information. For example:

Examples of conduct that a reasonable person might find hostile or abusive include: repeated offensive sexual flirtations, advances, or propositions; continued or repeated verbal abuse or innuendo of a sexual nature; uninvited physical contact such as touching, hugging, patting or pinching; comments of a sexual nature about an individual’s body; display of sexually suggestive objects or pictures; jokes or remarks of a sexual nature in front of people who find them offensive; prolonged staring or leering at a person; making obscene gestures or suggestive or insulting sounds.

See also, U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission’s Policy Guidance on Current Issues:

[T]he Commission believes that a workplace in which sexual slurs, displays of “girlie” pictures, and other offensive conduct abound can constitute a hostile work environment even if many people deem it to be harmless or insignificant.

ascenray makes a good point about the difference between the law and company policy.

[E72521]

yojimboguy

Your boss told you that two women had asked for the specifics of the company’s sexual harassment policy. That does NOT constitute “a complaint”, though it may indicate they were considering making a formal complaint. Later you say your boss “lied” to you when she denied there was a complaint. What other evidence do you have that there has been a formal complaint made?

My boss told me that two of my staff asked for copies of the hospital’s sexual harrassment policy. Later during the same converstaion, she told me that a certain employee relations specialist was doing an investigation. I specifically asked her if it was a sexual harrassment investigation, and she said yes. I asked her if she understood the gravity of a sexual harrassment accusation, and she said yes. When she returned my memo, she wrote on the bottom that she never told me there was a sexual harrassment complaint. I wrote it all down.

You say your accusers “were made to feel uncomfortable”. Does this mean they were made to feel uncomfortable about your comments to others, or that they were made uncomfortable because you have become aware of their identities as complainants? Have you spoken to ANYONE else at work about this other than your boss?

She continued her note on the bottom of my memo that it was an uncomfortable work environment rather than a sexual harrassment complaint. And no, I CANT speak to anyone at work about this, I was directed not to. Not even to my coconspirators. That is the lie I was referring to here:

Later you say your boss “lied” to you when she denied there was a complaint.

The conversation that you wrote a memo about – was it the conversation with other male coworkers that you suspect led to the complaint, or was it about the conversation with your boss regarding the complaints from the women.

The latter. The former never occured.

Do you in fact remember a conversation with male coworkers which, had a woman overheard (or gained knowledge of through 2nd hand comments made by other employees), might have made her feel uncomfortable?

Nope. Never.

With all due respect to manhattan, if such a converstation took place, I agree with chula that you may be vulnerable, regardless of the intended recipients of your comments.

Oh, I’m vulnerable all right. So are you. We all are.

Now that I’ve had a day off to think about this, I’m thinking that my boss wasn’t prepared for my aggessive response, and will probably tone things down by tomorrow morning. She may not like me, but she needs me.

And…

Do you have any friends in higher management?

Yes, her boss (my VP) is quite fond of me. I make him look good too.

[E72521]

Yesterday my boss and I spent severeal hours together at meetings and in her office. We both acted like nothing ever happened. She was actually boderline pleasent. I resisted every temptation to querey her on her denial of mentioning the possiblilty of a sexual harrassment complaint.

I certainly don’t take this as “everything’s OK”, but I got the feeling that she may be weighing the pros and cons of screwing with me. I see a lawyer next week. I’m still quitting. I’m keeping my mouth shut. I’m writing everything down. If this evolves into a he-said-she-said pissing contest, I’ll ask for a severence package equal to my bonus. I am privy to too much insider information for them not to consider such an offer.

Thanks to all…