I've got a secret that is TORMENTING MY SOUL!!!

There are two sides to me - the joyous side, full of life, the electric writer, if you will, and the [sub]>>>dark, mysterious side<<<!!![/sub] Sometimes the mysterious side takes over, and I do dirty things. Dirty, naughty things. Dirty, naughty, SECRET things. Oh, to unburden my dark side of this IMMENSE, INCREDIBLE secret!!!

DARE I tell? DARE I rid my soul of this EARTHSHATTERING NEWS before I pass on from this mortal coil? I feel that I must, nay, my darkside COMMANDS that I tell all!

It was a SULLEN night, many years ago, when I met the WORLD’S MOST TALENTED MUSIC SUPERSTAR. You, of course, already know that I am referring to the one and only HELEN REDDY. You see, I was but a lonely lad working as a grip on the set of PETE’S DRAGON, when HELEN REDDY arrived on the set. What a radiant creature! Surely such BEAUTY had never before graced our Planet! It was as if the HEAVENS split open and produced a HUMAN ANGEL!!! What was this? She was coming right up to me!! THE HELEN REDDY!! Yea, by the GODS - she wanted to talk to me!! How my heart LEPT as she drew near to me!! At that VERY MOMENT, just as we made eye contact I…I…

I have to go now, I’ll post more later. Maybe. If you all behave and eat your vegetables.

Hmmm…now what could this possibly be referring to…?:wink:

Okay, I’ll play along…

Helen Reddy sucks! And anybody who likes her probably smells funny!

And now, a selection of four-letter words: boat, lamp, fern, kale, snow!

Eeww! You said kale!

Didn’t the horse die about two weeks ago?

I am woman, hear me bore.

Is this the young Helen Reddy, a vision of beauty and grace, or the old, HORRIBLE HAG YOU DON’T EVEN WANT US TO MENTION, AND JUST PUT IT OUT OF OUR MINDS RIGHT NOW?

Who knows… but I’ll bite with the selection of four-letter words:

cars, band, fall, king, song, pigs


Subtitute “Englebert Humperdink” for Helen Reddy, to avoid being whooshed. (I hope)

Come on, I wanna hear the rest of the story…but only if you feel like sharing Dooku.

She’s mine, Dooku. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

Wow, in the early seventies I had this triple-fold-out album by Helen Reddy, showing her making several different smiling faces. The main colour was orange, but what wasn’t orange in the early seventies?

I always thought it was kinda strange that only she, out of all the British singers I’d heard, still had an accent while singing.

Oh My Fucking God…it IS contagious
Call in the CDC! A new epidemic is spreading virulently across the board.
(But if you tell me yours, I’ll tell you mine!!)

Isn’t Helen Reddy Australian?

And I think I still have that LP somewhere.

Nah, not any more…we gave her to you guys years ago. We LIKE to export our weirdnesses, so you can’t blame us entirely.

Dooku, baby, you’re a special lady but you’re living in a world of make believe.

Come on , you guys. Dooku used the words “grip,” AND “vegetables.” I think it’s obvious what the implication is. Do we have to spell it out for you?

I cannot tell you any more, as none of you understand what it’s like. But one more thing…


I’ve got a bill of sale right here!

I am too damaged by the spiteful nature of your replies to discuss my SECRET any further. Too bad, b/c as far as secrets go, this will SHAKE THE FOUNDATION OF THE UNIVERSE.

[sub]I realize the poor soul has been pitted before, but I was just too moved by this post.[/sub]

Just one more hint? Please?