I've got a secret that is TORMENTING MY SOUL!!!

The BBQ Pit
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There are two sides to me - the joyous side, full of life, the electric writer, if you will, and the [sub]>>>dark, mysterious side<<<!!![/sub] Sometimes the mysterious side takes over, and I do dirty things. Dirty, naughty things. Dirty, naughty, SECRET things. Oh, to unburden my dark side of this IMMENSE, INCREDIBLE secret!!!

DARE I tell? DARE I rid my soul of this EARTHSHATTERING NEWS before I pass on from this mortal coil? I feel that I must, nay, my darkside COMMANDS that I tell all!

It was a SULLEN night, many years ago, when I met the WORLD’S MOST TALENTED MUSIC SUPERSTAR. You, of course, already know that I am referring to the one and only HELEN REDDY. You see, I was but a lonely lad working as a grip on the set of PETE’S DRAGON, when HELEN REDDY arrived on the set. What a radiant creature! Surely such BEAUTY had never before graced our Planet! It was as if the HEAVENS split open and produced a HUMAN ANGEL!!! What was this? She was coming right up to me!! THE HELEN REDDY!! Yea, by the GODS - she wanted to talk to me!! How my heart LEPT as she drew near to me!! At that VERY MOMENT, just as we made eye contact I…I…

I have to go now, I’ll post more later. Maybe. If you all behave and eat your vegetables.

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Hmmm…now what could this possibly be referring to…?:wink:

Okay, I’ll play along…

Helen Reddy sucks! And anybody who likes her probably smells funny!

And now, a selection of four-letter words: boat, lamp, fern, kale, snow!

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Eeww! You said kale!

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Didn’t the horse die about two weeks ago?

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I am woman, hear me bore.

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Is this the young Helen Reddy, a vision of beauty and grace, or the old, HORRIBLE HAG YOU DON’T EVEN WANT US TO MENTION, AND JUST PUT IT OUT OF OUR MINDS RIGHT NOW?

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Who knows… but I’ll bite with the selection of four-letter words:

cars, band, fall, king, song, pigs

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:confused:

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Subtitute “Englebert Humperdink” for Helen Reddy, to avoid being whooshed. (I hope)

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Come on, I wanna hear the rest of the story…but only if you feel like sharing Dooku.

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She’s mine, Dooku. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

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Wow, in the early seventies I had this triple-fold-out album by Helen Reddy, showing her making several different smiling faces. The main colour was orange, but what wasn’t orange in the early seventies?

I always thought it was kinda strange that only she, out of all the British singers I’d heard, still had an accent while singing.

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Oh My Fucking God…it IS contagious
Call in the CDC! A new epidemic is spreading virulently across the board.
(But if you tell me yours, I’ll tell you mine!!)

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Isn’t Helen Reddy Australian?

And I think I still have that LP somewhere.

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Nah, not any more…we gave her to you guys years ago. We LIKE to export our weirdnesses, so you can’t blame us entirely.

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Dooku, baby, you’re a special lady but you’re living in a world of make believe.

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Come on , you guys. Dooku used the words “grip,” AND “vegetables.” I think it’s obvious what the implication is. Do we have to spell it out for you?

I cannot tell you any more, as none of you understand what it’s like. But one more thing…

Maybelline.

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I’ve got a bill of sale right here!

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I am too damaged by the spiteful nature of your replies to discuss my SECRET any further. Too bad, b/c as far as secrets go, this will SHAKE THE FOUNDATION OF THE UNIVERSE.

[sub]I realize the poor soul has been pitted before, but I was just too moved by this post.[/sub]

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Just one more hint? Please?