In early August of this year , my wife and I returned from Japan after a two-year stint (she was teaching English on the JET program), and now, four plus months later, I’ve still got… well, I guess you’d say the blues.
All the stuff about culture shock I read before going abroad puts total adjustment to a new culture at about 14 months after arrival, and I suppose that was about right for us in Japan. After that, most of the tough times were genuine irritations, not just “Lost in Translation” type problems.
Everything I read also said that reverse culture shock was, if anything, worse than culture shock because you expect everything to be exactly the same as it was before you left. You expect your job to be the same (it isn’t, even if it’s the same job), you expect your friends to be the same (they aren’t, or at least you’re not the same with them), and you expect life to feel the way it did (and it doesn’t).
I’m not a depressed person; in fact I’m generally considered to be pretty cheery. I’ve got a good job (self employed, reasonably successful), a wonderful marriage, a new house. I’ve got a lot of friends that I see relatively often. I don’t particularly miss Japan, though we made good friends while over there. I’ve got nothing to complain about, but I find myself angry, depressed, tense, and constantly fighting off some pretty black moods.
I don’t feel like I fit in my own skin. Anyone know what I’m talking about? Anybody been there? Could it be that I have 10 months left of this? Could it just be that I’m 32 and my life is settling into a routine?
I was only 20 when I felt the exact same way after just four months abroad. It’s been two years and I think I’m just getting over it…but I doubt it’s really normal for those feelings to last that long.
Depression happens even when there is nothing going wrong in our lives. It is not a character flaw or a personal weakness.
I am not a physician. If these symptoms have gone on for two weeks or more, you really should consult a professional. It could be something easily treated.
In the meantime, exercise and regular sleeping hours may help some. I hope that you are feeling better soon.
I think what Scorpio meant was that he feels alone and out of place (i think). After two years in a different culture, I don’t think feeling out of place for a few months is eraly abnormal.
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Bah, the pros are overrated. I’ve been depressd for 10 years, “pro-help” always made me worse.
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You’re pretty normal El Escorpio. I’ve never experienced culture shock from moving anywhere (I’m usually far too excited in the new situation to feel uncomforable with it) but the two times I’ve come back from an extended stay abroad, the transition was trying, to say the least. I moved back from a 5+ year stint in Budapest last November, and the first two weeks or month, I felt completely surreal. Reality just wasn’t quite clicking for me. Sure, there was some major changes which contributed to the feeling of surreality (my parents moving out of our childhood home for one), but I just felt a disconnect with the world outside me. I felt like a stranger in my home town.
To be honest, it was only a few months ago that I started feeling like Chicago is my home again. The first six months were especially trying and somewhat lonely (I went from being in the middle of a very active and large social circle in Budapest to basically being a hermit stuck in the pits of the Southwest Side.) The worst part is, there’s really not a heck of a whole lot of people you can talk to about this reverse culture shock except for other expats who have gone through it.
So, yeah, I would say you’re about normal. Just hang in there, and eventually you’ll settle back into our strange lifestyle.
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Seriously, the tough part for me was dealing with people who just didn’t “get it”. I don’t really recall much culture shock, at least nothing major and it didn’t make me feel out of sorts, even though we lived in three different countries (two continents) in a three year period. It was just kind of cool. Work was stressful, but that’s normally the case anyway, so no big difference. But coming back there were a number of things to adjust too. I also noticed that my company did a pretty fair job of support on the way out and almost no support on the way back in. I think this was topped by the fact that the move back came unexpectedly soon. We were originally told we were going to be in our last country (Thailand) for 3-5 years. But as soon as I completed my initial project the US economy started to crumble and US expats were all told we were “too expensive” and they looked to bring almost all US expats back in very quickly. This was tough on the ego, very little prep time for re-entry. Tack on the shock of 9/11 a couple of months after I got back. It was a rough transition.
So, you’re probably not crazy, although you may feel like it. If you’re in an area where there are a decent number of former expats I’d suggest you find a group to get together with. You can sort of use them as a support group, as they’ll be more attuned to what you’re feeling. And watch the depression thing; that’s never good.
Hi. I thought you might enjoy this little essay, its a lighthearted look at reverse culture shock from an author (Sara Backer) who returned from several years in Japan.
It’s quite normal for many people, and eventually wears off, but took a long time for me, and I’ve definitely been altered by my experience, but it’s not all negative. I have a different perspective on my own culture now, which I think is beneficial.
Hey, thanks!
As for being depressed, I do find that doing certain things that I enjoy (typically creative projects) make me feel better. Doing things that make me feel like I have some control over my life (like home repair, and there’s plenty of that to be done) also helps.
I’m just so dang impatient to get back to my devil-may-care former self. I had a general air of being easygoing, talkative, flexible, and creative; now I’m easily annoyed, critical, and sullen, sometimes all at the same time! YAHOO!
I think I will go to the doctor, though. That’ll make me feel a little more in control. And hey, I bet he speaks English!
I had a similar attitude to Grousser both going over and, though cautiously, coming back. Hence, none of the predictable things happened, just crap that blindsided me left and right. Ah, hard-won wisdom, how sweet you are.
I think if you are experiencing depression, it is of the situational variety, rather than the biochemical imbalance variety. Sort of how someone becomes depressed after a job loss, or loss of a loved one - my guess is you’re basically grieving for something you feel you’ve lost right now. The doctor might put you on anti-depressants, but a situational depression will probably clear up on its own. My advice is get lots of rest, exercise, and fresh air, eat healthy, and don’t read too much into it.
IMHO, as a veteran mover (NavyBrat, and gypsyfooted wanderer on my own time), give it some time before consulting a doctor. Revel in home improvement, create your own environment in your home. Learn your local “must go” places, even if you try them an hate them. My favorite trick is to talk to bartenders/artists/shop owners and see where they go and what they do. I would figure that 1 in 10 fits what I like, but hell, it is better than being medicated.
After four years in the Navy it took some bit of time before I felt like I was “home” again. For instance some friends moved away, others married and started having little people, or just changed (me too) to the point that there was nothing in common for us hang out with each other anymore.
10 years later I still call it the ‘four year hole in my life’ when somebody mentions an event that happened then, that I have no recollection of.
It goes away after a while and wouldn’t trade it for anything. I know too many people that have never left their hometown area and lived anywhere else. It’s a big world I want to see more of and encourage other to do the same.
I do understand but the biggest bitch of it all is when you liked the life in another country better than the one you left or came back to.
Hubby got station in Italy and we transitioned quite nicely. It seemed the perfect place for us. The food, the people, the rhythm of life.
We came back to the states and were stationed in DC. It was a little tough. I kept having memory flashes, kinda like daydreams of places we’d been, they were so real, like being there again.
A lot of the trouble with coming back was not finding the food stuffs you had gotten used to or even the quality of food stuffs. But in DC we finally settled in to being home.
Then we moved to Hampton, Virginia. There was my biggest culture shock. No more metro, less variety in the grocery and I have to drive almost everywhere I want to go!
The worst of the shock is over but I still have my moments.
Got to go see if I won the lottery last night. If I win millions, back to Italy I go.
Shortly after Papa Tiger and I were married in '96, he moved back to the US for the first time in over 16 years. Reverse culture shock? Oh, yeah. He still hasn’t quite grasped just how much things really, truly changed during those years he was living on the other side of the Pacific. It took him a long time to learn to cope with everyday stuff here.
So it sounds like what you’re going through, El Escorpio, isn’t all that unusual. Give yourself some time, plunge into life here, and you’ll be back up to speed in no time.
