Try being a 6’4", 300 lb guy answering the door in nothing but spandex biking shorts and wookie boots, while holding a giant bong, only to find a cop with a minor noise complaint.
Not me, btw, I just got to watch. Poor cop could hardly keep a straight face - “Sir <snicker>, could you please turn dowow ha down your stereo?” and “MWA HA HA HA HA!” after the door was carefully closed.
I was getting ready to leave my apartment to go to class and the doorbell rang. It was two guys coming to each apartment to fix the building’s baseboard heaters, called by the building owner. The apartment was a one bedroom on the top floor, and they needed to see the pipe that came up from the floor below me into the bedroom baseboard heater. Into the bedroom we go.
It was a small bedroom and my bed took up most of the space, blocking about 75% of the baseboard unit, including the end where the pipe came up out of the floor. They said that we’d have to tip the bed up on its side to have enough space work on the pipe. I suddenly realized that meant everything underneath the bed would be visible, including the cardboard box of… private reading material and… various accoutrements that my girlfriend and I used whenever she was around, including a number of devices that were for her pleasure only. Oh, OK- several dildoes and vibrators, as well as maybe a dozen other things.
The two guys were standing in my bedroom doorway while I said “let me clear a few things out of the way”, hoping they’d step back into the living room. No such luck. So, I got down and slid the box from under the bed while they watched me. I picked it up and tried to turn and quickly heft it into the closet, when the bottom of the box fell out and the entire contents avalanched at my feet, in the middle of the room, right in front of them.
They continued to stand there, barely suppressing their snickering, as I grabbed things and tossed them into the open closet, one by one. An hour later they finally finished up and left. Demoralized, I skipped class.
Was still up what?
What, you’ve never heard the story of how the angel got on top of the tree?
What do you do with when you are expecting people?
I clean up the apartment, that’s what. I think McNew wins this little contest.
