Izzy left. (Foreign exchange student)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Our foreign exchange student we’ve been hosting since last August, has left. (Check my posts in recent MMPs for details; I didn’t want to confine this to MMP.) She’s not home yet; in a layover in NYC, but she’s gone from here.

For now, all I’ve got to say is, while we were driving back*, I felt like someone blew up a balloon in my chest. I’d been teary-eyed at the airport (and a bit yesterday, and the day before), but didn’t go full-on Tammy Faye until we’d been at the house a few minutes.

She left a suitcase-worth of stuff that we will ship to her. Though I won’t go into her room until tomorrow. Or more likely Sunday. I can’t even go into the downstairs bathroom because I don’t want to see that empty shelf.

But all in all, it doesn’t feel like as much of a loss as some other leavings (mine and others) have been. I can honestly say it’s been a good experience, for us and for her. All along, I’ve been asking myself, “Am I doing enough for her?” and the last couple of days, “Did I do enough?” After this morning, I can honestly say yes. Yes, I did enough.

And I can say something else. My family was wrong. I no longer have to ask myself what if I’d done this, should I have said that. They were wrong from the get-go. They were the problem, and there was no right way for me to deal with it.

Getting back to Izzy, we’re certainly going to keep in touch. Texting, probably Zoom calls, and perhaps one day we’ll visit her. Not an ending. So I keep telling myself.

*Not all the way back; just the last leg. A friend of Izzy’s accompanied us to the airport. As one might expect, it eased the moment a bit, having an extra person to absorb the sadness. The three of us stopped for doughnuts on the way home, because we heard on the radio that today is National Doughnut Day. Then we dropped Friend off at her house, and then it really hit us.

(Old) Trying To Reason with Hurricane Season - A Hockey MMP
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Aww. Sounds like it was a great experience. For the both of you.

I’ve followed the MMP story a bit. You are a good person to give Izzy this opportunity and your gift of the experience is a bonus.

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One thing that makes Izzy’s absence less jarring is that we never saw much of her in the afternoons. Morning, of course, before school, and evenings and weekends (kind of like non-custodial parents!), but her routine was to be brought home from school (after-school pickup was usually my detail), go into her room and do homework. I mean, that was important, but so was the alone time. She told us, I forget how far into this, that she needs a break after having to communicate in English all day at school. So mostly she’d be out of sight until 6:30 or so, because we also shifted our dinner time for her. We like to eat around 5, but she preferred 7, so that’s what we did. And then we usually spent the evening together (TV, movies, board games, and recently, a Lego project).

And I’ve been sifting through the stuff she left, wondering why she had three different brands of shampoo and conditioner, and planning how I’ll divide it up into multiple packages. We sent Izzy’s mother a Christmas package, but it never got to her. In fact, it never left the USA. The USPS shunted it around the east coast, opening it, pawing through it and damaging some items in the process, and finally returned it to me. Grrr! Izzy did manage to get the non-perishable items into her luggage. Anyway, I’ve learned my lesson and will use FedEx or UPS this time around.

Sigh. But I’m focusing on the positives. Mr. Rilch and I now have unlimited time to work on the house and grounds. And I’m remembering how long it’s been since I’ve seen a new-to-me movie. Mr. Rilch was adamant about showing Izzy all the modern classic movies, and various TV shows, but that was all stuff we’d seen multiple times. Now I want to dig into some new media. Heck, we haven’t even seen the third Downton Abbey movie, and I have it on Blu-Ray!

Anyway. Still a few hours before her plane lands. Now I’m off to not make dinner!

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Are you considering doing it again?

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You bet!

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I prefer to eat around seven, but my wife prefers 4:30. So that’s what we did. I have a new job, though, and I don’t get home until after six. She eats before I get home, and we get to a restaurant around 6:30 on Date Night.

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Okay, some more highlights!

– Izzy got to see all four major sports, in one venue or another. Major League baseball, minor league hockey (multiple times – the Wheeling Nailers got further in the playoffs than they have in years!), college football and NFL football, and high school basketball. Basketball was not a new thing for her, and gridiron football was “okay”. I’d have been surprised if she’d felt otherwise; people raised on Euro football are rarely impressed by our version. And she liked baseball, and got really into hockey!

– We came to accept that Izzy was a) not a big talker to begin with and b) even less so in her third language. So we were patient, didn’t press her, and she opened up when she was ready. I almost always asked her how school was, and usually got a generic answer. I didn’t ask every day, but I was determined not to have an attitude of “Fine, the hell with you.” I was quite often the invisible kid/teenager, ya dig? Just wouldn’t have felt right to give up. And over time, she came to trust us and relax with us.

– I think I talked about, one night the first week she was here, she made some version of fettuccine Alfredo that was dee-lish! And I thought it would be that way all the way through, but somehow didn’t happen. I coaxed her into helping me with some of my recipes, though. And Mr. Rilch’s birthday dessert was a joint effort. We worked together on the lava cakes, and she made a raspberry sauce to go with them.

– And the tiramisu. I think I mentioned the recipe book Izzy gave me for my birthday. So for three months, off and on, I was trying to find the window to make the tiramisu recipe, which she said was her favorite. Thing is, it wasn’t easy to find all the ingredients! Finally, with about three days to go, Izzy and Mr. Rilch stopped at an Italian grocery on their way back from somewhere and got the ladyfingers and the mascarpone cheese. So we made the tiramisu together, and it felt like our last hurrah. (Results were good, but next time I’m halving the recipe.)

– One of my biggest priorities, if not the biggest, was just to not let her down. Mr. Rilch often quotes someone who worked with at-risk teenagers. “Kids don’t care how much you know. They want to know how much you care.” And we wouldn’t have done this if we didn’t intend to be caring.

And good timing (seriously, no snark): Earlier today, our power went out in an electrical storm. It came back on, except for the water pump. And we have yet to figure out how to get it back on. I was in the midst of washing the sheets and towels, and now that’s on hold.

I can post more later, if anyone’s interested…

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You did right by that kid.

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The cheese was easy to find, but I had to look for the ladyfingers. I think I went a little heavy on the espresso. I no longer eat such things, but I should make it again for my wife.

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@Johnny_L.A: I forgot to mention, to make the coffee for this, we used one of Izzy’s Christmas gifts to us – a moka pot. Do you have one of those?

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One? :joy: I have the standard 6-demitasse one (might be a Bialetti, pre-logo), a slick 4-cup stainless steel one, and a single-demitasse ‘backpacking’ one with a metal cup. (Links for illustration only.) I have multiple ways of making coffee: a Ninja automatic drip maker, a spare Black & Decker drip maker I got at Salvation Army for $5, an old percolator, Vietnamese drip makers (2), manual drip (pour the hot water in by hand), at least two French presses, and I think a stovetop camp percolator. Maybe others.

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My Dad was in Rotary. We hosted 4-5 students. Always a good time.

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Why did I read this as, ‘My dad was in Rotisserie. We roasted 4-5 students.’?

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It sounds like a wonderful experience! Are you going to take a break before signing up for another exchange student?

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liirogue, yes to both. We want to host another exchange student, but we’re going to have to take care of some things first, around the house and ourselves. Then we’ll give it another go.

Off and on today, I’ve been sifting through what she left in her room, the stuff she said she didn’t need us to send on. It’s illuminating, especially since I almost never went into Izzy’s room when she was here. A handful of times when she was sick, and once when she wanted to discuss something without Mr. Rilch hearing. He went in once, to fix the overhead light, and that’s the number of times we crossed her threshold. Although I did get glimpses regularly, when her door was open.

Do you remember a few weeks ago, Olivia Rodrigo hosted SNL, and did a pre-taped sketch where she sang about her perfect bedroom*? Izzy didn’t have the lava lamp or fuzzy throw rugs, but it was the same flavor of super-sweet teenage girl frou-frou. NTTAWWT! That’s actually my point – her tastes are way different from mine when I was a teenager in the 1980s, and now I feel a bit more tuned in to what’s happening now.

Anyway, she left some clothing, a pair of shoes, some…I won’t call it junk jewelry; the plastic jewelry I wore in the 80s was junk. But I mean that dainty stuff she and her friends wear; five to ten dollars, and you wear it until the chain breaks. I’m going to give her friend first crack at it, and donate whatever she doesn’t take. Oh yeah – the friend who went with us to the airport will probably be doing yardwork for us this summer. Another bonus! And I’m keeping some stuff, like a bath set; I remember who gave it to her, and I understand why she would leave it behind. And an empty perfume bottle that will be a lovely suncatcher on my windowsill.

And one thing I found kind of rattled my slats. Broken pieces of something ceramic, something yellow with a black zig-zag. Asked Mr. Rilch: “That was a cookie jar that Izzy ordered for you, for Christmas. It showed up broken, but she still had time to get you [other Peanuts-themed thing].” Ouch. I never knew that! Then I found the lid to the jar, and that was in one piece. Snoopy is eating a chocolate chip cookie, lying on a bed of chocolate chip cookies. So now I have that on my Peanuts shelf! Honestly, I’m happier with than than I would have been with yet another cookie jar.

Meanwhile, Izzy has presumably spent today catching up with her friends! Her mother sent us video of the airport reunion, and Izzy sent photos. All good!

*The hook was that she was actually in a cage at the zoo on a planet where insects were the dominant species.