Please note that the bicyclist in the subect is singular, not plural. I am categorically stating that I am not assuming that all bicyclists behave this way. Most are responsible people who obey the rules of the road. And yes, some car drivers are also assholes. That said:
I had to work the early shift this morning (4:30). I live in an area that’s slightly rural and very poorly lit. It was pitch-black outside. I’m driving down the (unlit) road, headlights on, and as I go around a 40[sup]o[/sup] bend in the road I see this asshole bicyclist riding straight at me. What’s wrong with this picture?
Well, for starters, the asshole was riding into oncoming traffic.
Second, he was in the MIDDLE of the FUCKING lane rather than on the side of the road!
Third, he apparently thought he was a stealth-ninja, since he was wearing dark, non-reflective clothing, had a dark, non-reflective bike and didn’t have any reflective tape anywhere.
To avoid the asshole, I had to swerve into a ditch (luckily not a deep one: I wasn’t hurt and the car wasn’t damaged) but the asshole didn’t stop to see if I was ok! ( I’m pretty sure he flipped me off, though. I didn’t see the finger as he went by, but I did see his arm assume the position) By the time I extricated myself from the ditch (four wheel drive is a great invention!), he was gone. I was mad enough that I figured that trying to track him down would be a bad idea, since I would have cheerfully beaten him to death with his tire pump. Normally I can blow off traffic shit, but this incident has me infuriated.
Unfortunately I didn’t get a close enough look that I can call the police. (“Yeah, officer, I can describe him: He was a guy. I think. Maybe a flat-chested woman with short hair. The bike? It was dark colored. No, just dark. Clothing? Um…a jacket of some sort?”)
Look, Asshole-Ninja-Biker: you want to be on the Darwin Awards page? Great! I’ll applaud. But don’t use me as your fucking suicide instrument.
Unnamed Ninja-Biker, you are a vile pustule of deliquescing ichor; a worm; shit that walks on two legs. I sincerely wish you suffer a horrible, debiltating injury that causes you intermittent pain for the rest of your life and that your asshole-ery drives all those who might otherwise care for you away, so that you live your long, empty life unloved and uncared for and when you finally do die, you are so alone that the only way your death is noticed is your neighbors checking on the smell of your week-dead corpse.