Jackass customer stories

Well, they might check out the big signs over the different sections.

However, in a large store I might ask rather than wander the store.

Asking where the non-fiction books are is akin to asking the waiter at the restaurant where the food items are on the menu.

Non-fiction encompasses a whole lot of territory in a bookstore, and there are dozens or even hundreds of categories of “non-fiction.”

My bad. I read that as fiction for some reason. Yes, that is a stupid question.

Well dam… :smack: I get it now.

It’s similar to the customers came into Circuit City and asked me, “Where are the electronics?”

:o

We have a fiction section. It’s labeled ‘Fiction’. The rest of the store is labeled as well. It’s not a big store. Maybe forty feet long. Not big. Divided by subject: Art, Travel, Biography, Sports, Humour, Poetry, Film etc. She came in, and asked where the non-fiction was.

I stared at her blankly.

“I see the fiction section, but I’m looking for the non-fiction section. Where is it?”

I continue to stare blankly, and say, “What subject? Biography, travel, Parenting?”

Huffy noise. “The non-fiction!”

Aagh.

The second woman (looking for book by someone with the middle initial P) got very upset at me because nobody had the book she was looking for! And it had a blue cover! Why doesn’t anyone recognise it? Waahh!

Thankfully our store owner is likely to tell particularly obstreperous or rude customers to go fuck themselves, in those words. We rest assured that we can tell horrible people to leave. He’s kicked customers out for using cellphones. He’s great.

Does he also kick customers out for having conversations with people who are present in the store?

Well, i don’t know about you, but i find it much more annoying having to listen to one side of a cell-phone conversation than to listen to two people talking to one another.

Also, when people talk to one another in a bookstore they usually manage to do it sotto voce, so it’s not too disruptive. People on cell-phones, on the other hand, always seem to need to talk at the top of their voice.

Maybe you read that as a blanket policy. I read it as “He has…” There are two broad categories of calls I can picture (with lots of room for variations). The first might go something like:
“That book you wanted me to get you…who was the author? OK, thanks.”

The second (and you’ll notice it more if you are dealing with someone who feels it necessary to yell into the phone) might go something like this:
“Yeah, then Pasquale said to her, ‘Get the fuck out!’…huhuh…yeah…Like I can’t believe she would do that…” Smacking gum in between inane statements helps complete the picture.

This latter phone conversation, especially in a small, enclosed store, disturbs the other customers. The manager, knowing that it is impossible to please all of the people all of the time, decides to please the ones who like to shop in relative quiet and don’t like shouting their questions over a one-sided conversation (not that it would be better over a loud two-sided conversation). If it is an independent shop, “his store, his rules”. If he makes money by his rules, great.

I don’t disagree, really. The point I was hinting around is that people should be kicked out for loud, obnoxious behaviour. It’s the loud, obnoxiousness that’s the problem, not the cell phone.

Cell phones aren’t assholes, people are assholes.

No, but cell phones will often turn people into assholes.

Well, as has been mentioned before, sometimes a question only seems dumb.

Once, long ago, I took the bus to Venice Beach. Naturally, after a few hours of sun, sand and surf, the walk back to the bus stop was a lot more taxing than the walk from. Furthermore, my arrival was at such a time that I’d missed one bus by a few minutes, and had about half an hour until the next. So I lumbered into a bookstore, plunked myself down on a stepstool, sighed and asked a nearby clerk, “Where’s the history section?” And of course I was in it. :smack:

So what seems like a no-brainer to someone who knows the store may not be obvious to someone who just walked in. Not sure about that “electronics” question, though, unless it’s a matter of the customer looking for something more specific but not knowing the term?

I didn’t really experience the true horror of dealing with idiot customers till I worked in a bank. Working as a banker, helping people with loans, investments, their accounts and basically anything else we did sure brought out the best in me. In about a year I went from actually giving a damn to almost being physically ill at the thought of having to deal with another day of idiots.

Before working in a bank, I entered a bank perhaps twice a year. I was amazed that banks are full of the same dumbass customers every single week. Some of these people were in the bank every goddamn day. Most of these people are the ones who have no money but are drawn to the bank. Maybe they are waiting on the day when we will give cash away.

Problems fall into a few broad categories

a) Dumbass customer who overspent account, doesn’t know why, wants all fees reversed because it’s the banks fault that they overspent their account. “The bank should have cut me off if I didn’t have money”. While I at first cared, after about the 50th, I simply got glassy eyed, printed up their account summary and said, “I’ll have someone review it”. It went into the shredder 30 seconds later. An occasional mistake we would reverse but most NSF customer did it all the time.

b) People who get pissed about some fee of $1 and claim they will close their account. All were shocked when I jumped up, got a withdrawal slip and closed their account. See, I really don’t give a fuck who you bank with and closing your account with $100 in it does not in any way bother me.

c) random fuck-up who did some stupid shit such as give out his bank account number to someone over the phone.
I’ve also learned a few things, the main one being run the fuck away from people like Primerica financial advisors. Those fuckers have the worst records of NSF checks and horrible credit. If they can’t handle their own money, they sure as fuck can’t handle anyone else’s.
I’m starting to have flashbacks, end of rant.

Excuse please a non-retail-veteran’s interruption into this cathartic Kaffeeklatsch…but how many of you have been tempted to deal with the stupid, arrogant customer through humor? If you have, who is usually the more pissed off? The customer, or your supervisor?

Yes. Or they enable people to forget that they are in a quiet area, and that not everyone around them wants to listen in. The best loud cell phone conversation I ever overheard was at work. The guy was standing just outside, talking very very loudly. The conversation went on for some time before I really tuned in. The part I overheard was:

“So, what say I pick you up next Tusday and we go out for dinner? (Pause) What? (Pause) You’re busy? Well, maybe Wednesday? What? What do you mean? I thought our date was great!”

Ouch.

The chain owner is a 6"6 highly opinionated bearded Dutch man. He doesn’t like cell phones much. I assume it’s because many people use them in an obnoxious way. All our stores are small. Extraneous noise can be quite bothersome. We seem to be doing very well financially in spite of being a small independent chain and having him be all opinionated about cell phones.

The results are usually better when I try to keep good humor with a customer who is being a jerk. Often the situation can turn around and it’s better for everybody.

Sarcastic humor {which I’ve used} doesn’t seem to go over well. What a surprise. Most of the people who have bothered to actually complain to management were pretty extreme and management didn’t take them seriously.

I’ve had several customers complain because I was to direct. They saw it as rude. I was trying to save us both some time by not pretending I could do something I couldn’t. If you pretend to consider it and even pretend to go ask someone on their behalf and then say “Gosh I’m sorry, we can’t do that” it seems acceptable. If you simply tell them directly and honestly, “I’m afraid we can’t do that, it’s against store policy” or " I’m not going to be able to help you with that" then somehow you’re being rude. Go figure.

One of my favorites was a lady who called and was obviously at work where she answered phones in her very best pleasent insincere voice."
“Hi there” [the fake pleasentry is obvious already} I was wondering if I could ask you a couple of computer questions."
I’m at the register ringing up a sale with another customer waiting for me and others looking around who may or may not need help. I’m the only one there at the moment. I say “Sure go ahead” hoping for an easy question.

Miss fake sunshine; “Well I’m thinking about buying a computer and I was just wondering if…ohhh, could I put you on hold for a minute?”
Me; direct, polite and unapologetic; “No maam you can’t, I have several customers waiting for me right now, but if you give me your name and number I’ll call you back as soon as I’m free”

there’s a slight pause then she says " Well,… maybe I’d better just call another store"
Me; “OKay maam bye” OKay perhaps that last part was slightly abrupt but geez. She’s at work, can’t she understand that I am too"

The funny part was she did call back to complain about how rude I was to the store manager. In the midst of her complaint she puts the manager on hold. When he told me about it I chastised him for letting her get away with it. I suppose either of us might have said “I suggest you call back when you’re not at work and have time to talk.” but she probably would have seen that as rude as well.
I had another gemtleman on the phone who was asking me questions about a product that wasn’t released yet but I answered a half dozen questions while other customers were waiting and then he started to go into chit chat about the porduct.
Me; “I’m sorry to cut you off sir but I have customers waiting, did you have anymore questions?”
Pause,… “Maybe you should just get me the manager”
Me; “Okay sir if you think thats nessecary”
He; “You shouldn’t start that stuff with me”
Me; “I didn’t start any stuff sir, I answered your questions”
He; “Well, just get me the manager”
Me; “Hold on”
I made him wait a couple of minutes then got the manager. He asked the manager the exact same questions he had asked me and got the exact same answers. I guess he showed me.

Ahhh folks, What cha gonna do. After talking about Iraq in the Sheehan thread this all seems so trivial.

So true. One customer was in an area with no other customers around but still in the store and started to curse and used the F word. I let the first one slip by, and then he used it again. I still let it slide since there were obviously no other customers around, but still…I resolved ask him to take it outside if it happened again but he got through the next couple of minutes without cursing and then went out. Several years and a thousand annoying cell phones later I realize I was to tolerant. I shoould have called him on the first one.

Customers like this make me wish I could do this

Well, those employees got fired for that stunt, so I’m not sure it would be the wisest course of action.

Giving someone a piece of hard evidence of your behavior is just not smart. Bitter to call from a pay phone and leave a “bitch dog message” or “the employees of Comcast cordially invite you to kiss our collective asses.” Something untraceable.
Then the fun would have been hearing about her untraceable complaint. “Why no, boss, Who would do such a terrible thing to one of our precious customers” {snicker}
It does remind me of how often customers will lie to get some freebie or get an employee in trouble. Wanna bet that she was a ruder than she fessed up to.
Few customers will admit they lost it and called someone a fucking moron or something like that.

I’ve had customers exagerate how long they had to wait. 5 minutes becomes 20 fairly often. I’ve had then lie about what I said concerning store policy or the features of the product. I’ve had them lie to my face not realizing I was their original salesman. “Well our salesman told us blah blah blah”
“Actually I was your salesman and I never told you any such thing” The :o is pretty cool when that happens.

I love the “Tales of the Wait time” that you often hear.

The phones, they have timers and data on them. They tell us how many people are waiting and how long the longest one has been waiting for. A discrepancy of a couple of minutes is one thing, but it amazes me how often a queue of four minutes will have people telling us they’ve been waiting ten, fifteen or thirty minutes.