Jackass customer stories

The BBQ Pit
161

Wow that’s gutsy. Did you ever get customers complaining about it? People wanting free tech support has always been a problem in the tech field. I now work in a music store and it’s still an issue. People want our tech guy to explain to them how to fix something. Pssst excuse me. He’s on the clock and should be fixing the items of the people who are paying to have theirs fixed.

I used to try and help people when I could but I was sales not support and I had to do the job I was hired for and was trying to make a living. My personal policy was to spend a certain amount of time trying to help and if I couldn’t resolve it fairly quickly then I would advise them to seek support from the proper source.

Some customers will pretend to be shopping when in fact they’re trying to use your time to learn about a product they already purchased. I was answering questions when I realized this was happening and said.
“OKay, one more free question and then I start charging so much per question for tech support.”
They got the hint and thanked me for my time.

162

When digital cameras were gaining popularity you saw certain cameras at all the stores and usually at the exact same price.

Lady customer: “How much is this 3 megapixel canon powershot?”

Me; “$399.99”

Lady customer; “Well can’t you go any lower?”

Me, useing much deeper voice; “$399.99”

She was not amused but I sure tickled myself.

163

I did something similar once. I worked at a beach resort the summer I graduated from college. My parents owned a house there so it was free livin’ and the job was easy – except for all the assholes. For some reason we often had owners who would also rent other units. That meant the same policies that applied to renters now applied to them and many of them couldn’t wrap their little minds around this concept. So one day I get an older woman at the counter waving a list of “extras” that she says she was promised by one of the rental agents. Unfortunately, this happened a lot and usually it was a lie. I looked at the list and the things she wanted were all against the policies handed down by management. The rental agent that made said promises was no where to be found, and I was in no position to give her what she wanted. I told her I’d get the manager. That’s when she went ballistic and asked me if “I knew who she was” and “I’m an owner, damn it!” and the kicker, “Don’t you know how to read?!” The next words out of my mouth were, “Not only can I read, but I also have manners.” She turned a bright shade of red and shut her yap. In a few minutes the manager took care of the problem and off she went. I heard that she was mortified later when she found out that my father was the very well liked president of the HOA. She was as sweet as she could be after that, but I still wish I’d been able to convince my dad to make plastic pink flamingos mandatory for all units.

One day a woman walked up to check out and told us what a horrible experience she’d had because there hadn’t been any hot water all week. She wanted her money back – all of it. She had been there all week and had never stopped in to complain so I thought that was curious. Now this was the beginning of the season and many of the owners would turn off the hot water during the winter. We had a list that we gave out that told the renters how to remedy the situation either with instructions on turning it on themselves (a chimp could do it) or by calling the maintenance people to come turn it on. I pulled this list out of the woman’s envelope that she was holding and showed her the instructions on turning on the hot water. And I quote…”I’m on vacation! How can you expect me to read THAT?!” Lady, your stupidity is not my problem.

And, another time I watched two guys from New York almost get into a fist fight over who got in line first. They were 1st and 2nd and the process to check them was, literally, taking their names and handing them their keys – all of which took 15 seconds. We ended up having to hand them their packages at the exact same time to avoid a fight. It was insane.

164

Seems to me that’s the time you tell them there’s only one left and they’ll have to duke it out to see which one gets it. :wink:

There’s a game show somewhere in there:
[Bob, the Game Show Host]Welcome to Who’s the Bigger Jackass?!
Today we have several contestants, randomly chosen from your merchant submissions from the Evil Customer Database, who will compete in several categories. First up we have the *Get It Your Way * round. The players are to place an insanely crazy and/or impossible-to-comply-with order. Remember: in this round anything goes and nothing matters but the customer’s satisfaction! The first 3 contestants that have their cashier in tears or ready to throw them out of our studio “store” will move on to round 2.
In round 2, I Swear This Is How I Bought It!, we give our customer/contestants perfectly functioning items, have them try to figure out how to use it, and then attempt to obtain a full refund once they have broken it. Contestants can earn big bonus points by breaking through the cashier’s defenses and obtaining the You Wasted My Time, I Deserve Extra! gift card from everyone’s favorite: Cowardly Manager. Wave to the audience, Cowardly! Ain’t he a sport, folks?
In our final round, I’m The Only One Who Matters, we tell the remaining 2 contestants that there is only one of their desired item left and they have to fight it out to see which of them gets “dibs” on purchasing that item. For added degree of difficulty the contestants will be pelted by our fabulous cashiers during combat with everything from handfuls of small change to bagged hard, cold, & old fast-food items to unidentifiable liquids, the same way they were treated by our top contestants in previous rounds!
Now, who’s ready to be the Bigger Jackass?![/Bob]

165

You know, harmless, I think you have the basis for a reality TV show I might actually like!

166

Exactly. Good sales people figure this out pretty quick. Especially true if they are on commission.

Wasting the staff’s time in a store that provides good service, then buying at Walmart isn’t the big problem some of you think it is. No ‘full service’ store goes out of business because of this, unless their staff is really clueless. Last time I looked there were plenty of full service camera stores around, even though Walmart also sells cameras.

167

Thats true but some stores that used to stress customer service and have professional commisioned sales people have gone to low hourly wage employees and cut back on customer service. Hopefully small specialty stores will still survive on a smaller customer base.

168

I love that story. It always irked me when people thought that being a customer gave them a permission slip to be rude. I never minded a little venting by a customer who was upset. When you make it personal and insult the individual who you want to correct it you’ve crossed the line. Of course sometimes the person behind the counter is a moron but you can still be polite.

For sure it’s hard to get customers to read. How many times has a customer called up with a problem and I can tell in 10 seconds that they haven’t opened the manual.

169

I almost certainly will have an interview at a video place in the next week or so.

ulp

170

Oh ya it is very gutsy but I’ve been working in this field for 15 years now and as I pointed out I’m REALLY good at picking out the vampire types. 99% of the time the vampire in question blinks… thinks about it for a moment… and realizes that I am absolutely right. They came HERE as opposed to Walmart because they wanted excellent service and knowledgable staff. Nailing them with the $25 per 15min deal makes them realize just how valuable my help really can be.

In one of the most extreme cases a woman came in and asked…

I’m heading down to WalMart to buy equipment to setup a wireless network at home. Can you help me figure out what I need? (entire wall behind my back was FILLED with our Wireless Networking display) She then drops two laptops on the counter and points out that the wireless networking stuff will be for the two laptops and a desktop.

I reply… Sure I can help you!!! The answer to your question is $300. She looks at me with a confused deer-in-headlights glint in her eyes and says “excuse me”. I explained that she probably noticed that we carry wireless networking gear when she was in earlier in the week for an ink cartridge and I’d be happy to answer the question and sell her all the gear she would need for $300. This silly bitch then replied can’t I get it cheaper at WalMart? I of course said… why yes you can but I’m not at WalMart to help you. She got pissed and left. Two days later she was back and even grumpier after having dealt with the WalMart fiasco. She saved herself $40 and wasted 6 hours. I charged her the $300 with a huge grin on my face.

171

Mara? Is that you? :slight_smile:

Because I work in the property management department of a real estate office…

A lot of the realtors I’ve dealt with are, um, difficult. (But to be fair, there are a few precious jewels at our office to balance the jerks out.)

Actually, worse are doctors and lawyers who want us to rent very, very nice houses to their 18 year old university student kids.

Um. No.

172

I teared up just reading this. I don’t wanna play! Make the bad memories go away!

  • BiblioCat, who spent waaaay too many years in retail.
    Now I work with children. They’re easier to reason with.
173

Really? I’m surprised there’s a difference.

On second thought, the kidlets are probably easier to deal with. After all, you can’t put an obnoxious customer in time out.

174

Another jewel!

What kills me is that lady and those like her seem oblivious to how inapproptiate their actions are. We had a customer call and ask if the computer they were thinking about buying from their neighbor was a good buy at X amount. My coworker made the mistake of being decent and answering them honestly. “OKay deal but not not great providing everything works fine”
They had the nerve to show up on Sat. {our busiest day} with said computer and want my coworker to hook it up and check it out. He gruffly pointed out that we actually sell computers and there was no way he was going to spend his time at work helping them buy one from someone else. He told them they had a lot of nerve to even come in and ask such a thing.

I suppose he could’ve just told them “Yeah, I’ll be glad to check it out, I charge $100”

175

I remember the car-fi installation bay installers at the BestBuy I worked at used to say that it seemed like at least once a day someone would call them or bring their car by to get “help” installing it themselves.
Some had bought the stuff at our store and claimed “well, since I bought it from you guys, you should should tell me how to install it.”
Or even worse were the customers who bought their equipment from a flea market, couldn’t figure out how to put it in since it came with no instructions, and now wanted our guys to “Look at my car real quick and tell me how to put this in.”

176

Urg. We have an (unofficial, probably illegal) policy that we won’t rent to the children of lawyers, other property managers, or realtors). Law students also make the list.

I had one realtor call up who refused to be a cosigner for his son’s lease.

Daddy: Why do you guys require a cosigner for my son? He’s nearly 23 years old- an adult! It’s because he’s a student, isn’t it! You should treat all applicants the same.
Me: Regardless of his age, his income doesn’t qualify him for the apartment. We do treat all applicants the same.
Daddy: But he’s just a kid! How can you expect a student to make $3000/month while going to school?
Me: He’s nearly 23 years old- he’s an adult. If you aren’t willing to cosign, he can do the adult thing and find housing that he can afford.
An hour later, I got a signed co-signer application from Daddy.

177

So far this week is just going swimmingly here in the office.

Yesterday at 12:10 a client called up and asked to speak to mi padre. “He’s at lunch right now, I’m sorry. Would you like to leave a message?”

“::huff:: No, I’ll call back ::click::” Mind you, we have caller ID so I know exactly who this is and I take note of their call.

10 minutes later…

Me: “Good afternoon. -name of business-”
Her: “Yeah, lemme talk to ::name::.”
Me: “Mrs (client’s name), I told you 10 minutes ago that he is at lunch. If this is something urgent, I can give him a call on his cell phone and give him the message.”
Her: “Just give me his cell phone number!!!”
Me: “Ma’am, I can’t do that. Is something wrong? If the situation is urgent, I will call him and have him call you.”
Her: “::huff:: I don’t see why I can’t call him”
Me: “He is on his lunch break, that is why. Perhaps I can help you?”
Her: “NO! I NEED TO TALK TO HIM ::click::”

15 minutes later… she shows up at the front desk

Me: “Oh hello Mrs. (name). He is still at lunch. It hasn’t even been 45 minutes. Clearly this is an urgent matter, is there any way I can help you?”
Her: “UGH WHY ISN’T HE IN?”
Me: “Ma’am, it’s 12:45 and he takes lunch every day at that time. In fact, he has taken lunch at that time for the past 25 years.”
Her: “THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!”
Me: “Well, what is the issue? I can call him right now for you.”
Her: “I’m not telling YOU!” And she storms out.

And today, she called again at 12:24 and got angry because he wasn’t in.

Oh! Or how about the client who thinks we don’t speak to each other in our two-man office.

Me: “Good afternoon, (business name).”
Him: “This is Mr.(name), I brought my information this morning. Are my returns done?”
Me: “If you brought your paperwork in today, there is no way the return will even be done this week. Our usual turn around time is a week, but our computers have been down and we are behind. Your stuff will be ready next Monday at the earliest.”
Him: “Well I talked to ::dad’s name:: and he said YOU, Diosa, would have my returns done by 3 PM?”
Me: “Uh…he did?” (Mind you, he hasn’t even mentioned this set of returns to me…and it’s 2:30).
Him: “Yup, so you better have my returns ready by three or I want them done for FREE AND I will have your job**!!!”

I find my dad, who gets on the phone.

Dad: “Sir, when did I say that your returns would even be done this week? Oh, I didn’t? Hrm, your mistake. I understand. Well, we’ll give you a call at the end of next week.”
Well, he calls her back. She got a letter from a tax agency (a summary of her account activity for the past month…nothing crucial) and wanted to know if we needed a copy. She couldn’t tell me this information; after all, I’m just the secretary* who cannot handle a copy machine (apparently).

*I am the Vice President of the company. I do all of the same stuff my father does, except he has federal power of attorney, I can only get state.

Did I mention the owner is my dad? And I’m his only worker? And I own part of the company? And I’m the corporation’s vice president and…yeah he can have my job. I like sleeping better than working anyway.

178

Oops, bad editing on my part. That last (full sized) paragraph goes with the first story (duh!).

179

That’s interesting. One of the things I really like about my job (I work in a bookstore) is that I have never, ever felt pressured to sell anything. I actively encourage people not to, for instance, buy books that I hate, and actively encourage sales of books I do like, but that’s because of personal feeling, not salesmanship. I also try very hard to help people looking for a particular type of book because I’d like them to be happy with their purchase.

Not as bad as many of the stories here, but we have this guy whom we call Churchhill. He phones in at about ten minutes to close on Sunday or Monday nights. I’ve never set eyes on him, but he sounds about seventy-ish. He alsways wants to know if we have any recent interesting books on Churchhill.

He fully exepcts all of us to be WWII buffs, and to be familiar with everything ever published.
Churchhill: I’m looking for a particular compendium of the complete works of Thomas Hardy. Not just any one, though. I would like one from a reputable publisher, such as (insert obscure publisher), and it must be a weighty book, do you understand? Are you sure that compendium you’re looking up has good-quality paper? And can you guarantee that the binding with be made with genuine kolrabi-scented ink?

He’s harmless, but maddening.

Also, a couple of weeks ago, I had someone ask where the non-fiction books were. On the same day someone asked me for a book written by someone with the middle initial P.

180

What’s wrong with that? They know the book they want. They know that the books are arranged alphabetically by last name of author. All they need to know is where to start looking.