Jarbaby Auditions For Jackass

A dreary, drizzly day in chicago, two kegs, a bbq in the courtyard of my building. I had partaken of two pints of beer…TOPS.

Then, while discussing the finer points of theatre and a John Fowles novel with Magdalene and my good friend Jamie.

Ahhh…weren’t we droll, with our cocktails and our intelligent conversation. And then, my kneecap dislocated in front of a good two dozen friends and strangers. BAM

DOWN GOES FRASIER…I hit the muddy yard like a sack of chicken parts and gingerly put myself back together, feeling the kneecap pop back into place.

HAHAHA…nothing to see here folks…just your hostess, breaking her leg an hour into the party.

Having beer to drink, and wanting to save face, I continued walking on the knee, going up and down stairs, laughing haughtily at what a fool I am…taking compliments as to what a beautiful, strong, courageous woman I am to still host the party and get blasted.

but OH…then I took a vicodin before going to bed…drunk. This resulted in a bout of vomiting that would make the cast of Trainspotting recoil in shame.

Well then…once I noticed that the knee was swollen to almost twice the size of the left knee and that it was unbendable and painful and my sober state, I decided to go to the hospital.

Dislocated kneecap with a sprain thrown in for fun. Full leg immobilizer and crutches.

So…what did do then? In trying to walk down the stairs in the crutches…you guessed it…fell down the stairs and scraped my elbow and twisted my left ankle cut my other knee.

Mr. Jar’s only comment? “You gonna slow down a little?”

Yep. Looks like I’m slowed down a lot.

So…how was your memorial day?

Oh please, I got an ouchy splinter this weekend. You don’t hear me complaining do you?

(sorry J, hope you’re feeling better)

Who’s complaining? I was laughing my ass off at every new turn. It was like the most inept, drawn out suicide attempt in history.

Sounds like you need some burly germanic fireman to haul yer masochistic ass around the apartment…

btw…take it from personal experience…beagles and crutches can be a dangerous mix. :eek:

Scylla?

Sorry to hear about that, jar. I personally spent my first Memorial Day Ever being feasted on by mosquitos that don’t know better. Plus grilling with neighbours and hearing about anythingshecouldtalkaboutforfourhoursorso.

yes. marge couldn’t possibly hate my crutches more if they actually were able to chase them around the house on their own accord.

However, the soft, foam immobilizer, she’s found, is nice to sleep on, regardless of whether my leg is in it or not.

j

I broke two drinking glasses, a votive holder and my toe.

I thought I had it bad.

Ginger, that’s what American BBQs are like. Standing in the back yard, drinking with people you don’t like, complaining about either bugs, the weather, or politics.

Here’s hoping that your immobilizer experience is better than mine…I’m just tall enough that the steel bar at the back of my leg immobilizer ended right on a pressure point on the back of my thigh - sitting down in a chair was sheer agony - and I was in college at the time, so I spent a good 8 to 10 hours a day sitting in chairs. I hope you’re missing this “feature” of the damned thing.

How disappointing.

From the title, I thought you were going to tell us about running around Chicago in a leopard-print thong.

Well…who knows what I would have done if I hadn’t fallen down on Saturday!

j

Jeez, JAR, you have all my sympathy. My knees dislocate as well (though thankfully it hasn’t happened for years) and it is hands-down the ‘10’ on my personal pain scale. People who have never felt it have no idea of the enormity of of the ouch. Take it easy and get better. Be easy on the knee; you know once it goes out, it’s prone to go out again.

Mepictures a VERY interesting sight here, a half-legged Jar walking on her KNEECAP no less!

hic…groan…kerthunk…giggle…hic…groan…kerthunk…

You do it up brawny, don’t you, jarbabyj? :slight_smile: Seriously though, I’m sorry to hear about that, and hope you feel better soon. :slight_smile:

The closest I came to any type of injury this weekend was on Saturday night at the beach. I was standing right behind my brother, and he accidentally elbowed me in the face, not knowing I was there, I guess. (and my glasses weren’t in great shape to begin with, either… having snapped a few days before) Before asking if I was okay (I was), he joked to his friend: “Well, I guess I did elbow someone in the face, Guess it’s a good thing it’s someone that knows me well.” Har har har.

It’s true…I saw it with my own two eyes. Well, not the actually collapse but the aftermath. Lilly sends her love…
Hopefully I’ll have some pics of her in her sarong to email you soon.

(she said to tell Marge, she’s sorry about the rawhide ‘incident’)