The doctor-holding-your-eyes-open strategy doesn’t work for me. I use cher3’s method of putting the drops into the inner corner of the eye when you eye is closed and then opening your eye.
Also, tell them in advance not to tell you when they’re going to do the glaucoma test. If you’re not familiar with it (are you?), you won’t even know it’s coming. Hell, if they didn’t tell you about it, you wouldn’t even know the test had been done!
shudder
:eek:
faints
“But, doctor, wouldn’t this be easier if I were face-up?”
Heh, that was my defense mechanism when I got teased at school. I’d start playing with my eyeball and they’d all go away.
I’m the same way. I get grit and sand in my eyes pretty frequently, and my wife squirms whenever I get something in my eye, because she knows my technique for getting it out – wash hands thoroughly, hold upper and lower lids apart, run wet finger over eye completely several times in a clockwise motion, rinse with drops, all done.
Works like a charm.
A friend of mine used to have difficulty applying eyedrops. She now uses a weird little product called E-Z Drops.
That’s nothing, during my last prostate exam I noticed the doctor had one hand on each of my shoulders.
Did I just say that?!
Yes my eye doctor scolded me for closing my eyes while testing my eyes for glaucoma too. 
I’ve had the “puff or air” glaucoma test, and I can deal with that, though I squeak like Jayne Mansfield when the air puffs at me. But are any of you old enough to remember the “steel rod through your eyeball” glaucoma test?! No wonder I’m terrified!
I was referring to it!! :eek: :eek: :eek:
That would freak my mom right out. If I could get over being freaked out myself, I’d do it in front of her.
I can do that!
And spraying water from the shower into the eyes while holding the lids open works well, too.
Being prone to having chalazions, I grew weary of going to the doctors.
Just FYI, if the doc starts talking about a “tonopen” and pulls out something that looks like one of those new-fangled temperature takers that checks your temp inside your ear, you might want to warn him that it won’t go over well with you. To check your eye pressure with that, they put a numbing drop in your eye, then lightly tap the tip of the tonopen on your cornea.
Here’s an easy solution, works great for us:
Take one pressure washer. Fill with eye solution. Have victim…er… patient come out and take a lookey loo at yer new pressure washer. Indicate handy turny thing on end of hose. Spray full blast into “patients” eyes.
Remind them that you love them.
I won’t repeat my story about the hypodermic needle in my eye.
Needless to say - putting stuff in my eyes doesn’t bother me in the slightest.
Bwahahahahahahaha!!!
How’s this for a “getthefuckawayfrommyeyes” story:
I was fishing with the ex (that was my first mistake) and in an ill-fated attempt to cast his line off a tree-lined shore, he caught me in the eye with the hook and weight. At about a gazillion mph.
Mayhem ensues. I wouldn’t let anyone near me so they could even tell if my eyeball was still in my head. All they could see was blood pouring through my fingers and me screaming like a fucking lunatic.
So, after carrying me up a steep enbankment and racing to the hospital that was roughly 30 miles from our campsite, the doctor tells us they don’t have a qualified eye surgeon at their hospital and *the ex would have to take me * to Paducah, KY where all the big guns reside.
Another 40 miles later, we arrive at Lourde’s Hospital. Because I was pregnant, I had to remain awake through the whole process of getting *my eyelid sewn back on * and having them *shove a probe into my crushed tear duct * so they could release the fluid that was building up. I remained flat on my back for two weeks with both eyes patched.
Long story short, I had to lay in the back of a van for the drive back to Chicago (roughly 8 hours). My dad’s boss got me in to see one of the best eye doctors in Chicago, and against all odds, I eventually got my eyesight back 100%. I had an egg-shaped pupil for a couple years, but that straightened itself out, too. I just have a slight scar where they sewed me up.
No more fishing for Kalhoun.
Ah-hahahahaha. Oh, no he doesn’t. Before I made the appointment, I asked, “do you give the ‘puff of air’ glaucoma test, or the ‘poke you in the eye with a sharp stick’ glaucoma test?”
By the way, I got no farther than “I was fishing with the ex” in Kalhoun’s story before I saw what was coming and had to stop reading . . .
Oh, but you must. The part where her eyelid gets torn off with the fishhook is the best!
…yep, my work is done.
Yeah…watching that needle come at me about ten times was fucking mesmer-eyes-ing.
OK, appointment is at 12:30 today and I am shaking in my stylish little pumps. Wish me luck—or, rather, wish the doctor luck against my superhuman blinking powers.
