Jerk invents Jerk-O-Meter

[Snowboarder_Bo]

Og help us, another invention to help stupid people is most likely on it’s way. And you thought that Nokia cel phone with the annoying Britney Spears ring tone and the flashing neon lights was the most annoying thing out there; HA! Wait until this jerk gets cel phone makers to buy his software.

“Are you listening to me?”

“Mmm hmm, sure.”

“Because my phone says you’re only listening to me at 38% of your capacity; and this situation with my sister’s boyfriend’s job is really important and if you cared about me you’d care about what I’m saying right now!”

“Whaaaaaa-? You’re phone says what now?”

“You really aren’t paying attention! You don’t care about me!”

Of course, the “inventor” ( :wally ) makes noise that it will help telephone marketers, but most of them know I’m not paying attention to their drivel because the conversation goes like this:

“Hello, Mr. Snoarder? This is Brian with HyperMegaGlobalNetDotCom and I’m calling with a fantastic offer-”

“<click>”

No special fancy algorithm software needed, jerk.

Did my freaking tax dollars pay for any of this? Buncha jerks.

[Wolfian]

-HAL, I thought I told you never to call me here!
-I detect high level of stress in your voice, David.

I’m mixing my Kubrick movies, but the whole thing just seems creepy to me.

[Diogenes_the_Cynic]

From the article:

For now, the Jerk-O-Meter is set up to monitor the user’s end of the conversation. If his attention is straying, a message pops up on the phone that warns, “Don’t be a jerk!” or “Be a little nicer now.” A score closer to 100 percent would prompt, “Wow, you’re a smooth talker.”

However, the Jerk-O-Meter also could be set up to test the voice on the other end of the line. Then it could send the tester such reports as: “This person is acting like a jerk. Do you want to hang up?”

Does anybody need this kind of grief from their own fucking cell phone? Could it be that they secretly want people to smash these things against the nearest wall or stomp the living shit out them, and thus have to constantly buy more of them?

Can you imagine the conversations?

“uhhuh…sure, whatever…uhhuh…uhhuh…ok…no that’s fine…yeah sure…uhuh, that’s fi…WHAT? GO FUCK YOURSELF, YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!
Sorry, honey I want talking you, I was talking this fucking asshole phone. Your phone says what? Well fuck it too. Where does it get off? Put it on and let me talk to it!”
I am so not taking that shit from a cell phone.

[Mangetout]

For now, the Jerk-O-Meter is set up to monitor the user’s end of the conversation. If his attention is straying, a message pops up on the phone that warns, “Don’t be a jerk!” or “Be a little nicer now.”

That’s a great idea, because I’m sure I’ll hear the message appear on the screen when I have it pressed against my ear.

The whole thing is just a pile of poorly-thought-out wank.

[AncientHumanoid]

@Diogenes the Cynic

I am so not taking that shit from a cell phone.

Right on!

This is one idiotic invention idea, imho. If ever a message pops on my fone telling me I’m being a jerk, I’ll fucking hang up myself, mother fucker! Jerk this! [thrusts out pelvis, grabbing crotch]

[Mops]

@http://www.abcnews.go.com/Technology/wireStory?id=1029482

Just having this device can make people more attentive because they know they’re being monitored

We are going to submit to an algorithm’s idea of how to conduct a conversation. Right.

[AHunter3]

My Jerk-O-Meter has determined that you aren’t paying sufficient attention to this conversation based on the fact that you hung up on me…

[Mangetout]

@tschild

We are going to submit to an algorithm’s idea of how to conduct a conversation. Right.

Excellent point; anyway, isn’t this actually just a variation on the concept of a lie detector? (i.e. coughmostlycoughbullshitcoughpseudosciencecough)

[Metacom]

It says “Don’t be a jerk?”

Do we really need a cell phone that can junior mod? :dubious:

[The_King_of_Soup]

Oh, man, this technology is doomed for phone use, but it would be perfect for SDMB posting.

(–Warning: sarcasm level high, also, unwarranted assumption predicting future appeal of invention without cite or even argument)

I mean it would give an official and objective running assessment of when this or that poster is being a complete tool.

(-- Warning: insufficient attention paid to previous posts, rash implication that many members of the SDMB community are often "complete tools")

Just think, no more would we have to put up with the old, obvious, repetitive inanities this (-- Warning: gratuitous insult of all present) board has been more and more filled with recently (-- Warning: ersatz nostalgia bordering on curmudgeonism, also, check your registration date, noob) and which, since they can’t be prevented before they happen (-- Warning, insulting statement of the obvious, also, tautology resulting in near-Gaudere’s Law, er, obedience) can at least be displayed as they occur. This would relieve both the wise and the foolish but nit-picking classes (-- Okay, now you’re just getting rude. Who gave you the mission to classify thousands of people you haven’t even met. Also, “nitpicking” is listed as a single word by all dictionaries less than seventy-five years old. Pissant) of the burden of responding, thereby collaborating with the assholes (–* Warning: I can’t believe I’m still wasting my time with you*) by perpetuating stupidity when the purpose of the board (-- Warning: Oh, please won’t you tell us, O Wise One) is to prevent ignorance and not to spread it (-- Warning: tired old saw thrown out as if new, old saw’s actual words gotten wrong, pontification mode locked, jerkishness index currently @ 95% and rising)

Think of it: this technology could halve the size of most forums (-- Warning: directly insulting entire SDMB), chasten the high post-count morons – pretty much all of 'em, IMHO – who’ve been asking for it for a long time (-- Warning: are you fucking nuts?), and, best of all – are you guys ready for this? (-- Warning: NONONONONONONONONO!!!) It would completely eliminate any need for those capricious, authoritarian, dimwitted but oh-so-sensitive MODERATORS! (-- Warning: Ahh, the Hell with it. You’re on your own, chump. Automatic Pitting in all forums to commence in two minutes. Jerk)

[Ponder_Stibbons]

@tschild

We are going to submit to an algorithm’s idea of how to conduct a conversation. Right.

Well, sure. After all, grammar check in word processors have been suuuch a success and all. And as we all know, interpreting spoken language is soooo much simpler than interpreting written language.

To misquote another poster’s sigline: Can you SMEEEEELLLLLLL the sarcasm dripping from that post?

[tdn]

@Snowboarder Bo

Did my freaking tax dollars pay for any of this? Buncha jerks.

Yep. MIT tuitions are generally paid for with your tax dollars.

What the article fails to mention is that those phones will also have built-in guns, so when you put one to your head, it will force you to use it.

(Warning–sarcasm at 93%.)

So here’s the deal–An MIT student invents a device that will probably never catch on, and no one is forcing you to buy or use one. Bottom line? Lame pitting. Get over it.

[UncleRojelio]

@tdn

Bottom line? Lame pitting. Get over it.

Yeah, but it was worth it for The King of Soup’s post.

[smiling_bandit]

We are going to submit to an algorithm’s idea of how to conduct a conversation. Right.

Even better, according to the article, the program, at best, was only able to say what is already obvious to the poepl in the conversation. It’s not like guessing how interested other people are in what we have to say is hard. Most people are pretty blatant about not being interested or being really interested.

[tdn]

@smiling bandit

Even better, according to the article, the program, at best, was only able to say what is already obvious to the poepl in the conversation. It’s not like guessing how interested other people are in what we have to say is hard. Most people are pretty blatant about not being interested or being really interested.

Uh huh.

[Contrapuntal]

@UncleRojelio

Yeah, but it was worth it for The King of Soup’s post.

Seconded.

[Digital_Stimulus]

@Snowboarder Bo

No special fancy algorithm software needed, jerk.

Personally, I think this tech is pretty cool (but not necessarily this particular application). For instance, here’s one place it could be used: automated phone systems (e.g., tech support, baggage claims, etc.) By monitoring the speaker’s emotional level, it might be used to detect frustration/anger and improve the (terrible) level of service now provided by automated systems. Since I take it as a given that such automated systems will remain in use, anything that improves their performance is an excellent innovation.

As stated in the article, “The Jerk-O-Meter is one of many projects at MIT that aim to make cell phones and other communication devices more “socially aware””. The overall aim is not a bad thing, unless you happen to be a Luddite.

[MMI]

@Digital Stimulus

Personally, I think this tech is pretty cool (but not necessarily this particular application). For instance, here’s one place it could be used: automated phone systems (e.g., tech support, baggage claims, etc.) By monitoring the speaker’s emotional level, it might be used to detect frustration/anger and improve the (terrible) level of service now provided by automated systems. Since I take it as a given that such automated systems will remain in use, anything that improves their performance is an excellent innovation.

As stated in the article, “The Jerk-O-Meter is one of many projects at MIT that aim to make cell phones and other communication devices more “socially aware””. The overall aim is not a bad thing, unless you happen to be a Luddite.

So whiny jerks will get priority even from computers? and this is a good thing?

[Finagle]

@smiling bandit

Even better, according to the article, the program, at best, was only able to say what is already obvious to the poepl in the conversation. It’s not like guessing how interested other people are in what we have to say is hard. Most people are pretty blatant about not being interested or being really interested.

Actually, there * are* people (many of whom probably work at MIT) who are tone-deaf to the subtle interplays of conversation and body language. This invention could be a godsend to them, or at least their unwilling audiences.

I used to work with people who would buttonhole you in the corridors and talk your ear off while being utterly insensitive to your escalating levels of “I must be going now.” body English (up to and including chewing your own leg off to escape). I think they literally lacked the ability to understand conversational cues. A discreet “you’re boring the crap out of this person” indicator would have at least have saved me some inutterable tedium.

[Digital_Stimulus]

@Finagle

Actually, there * are* people (many of whom probably work at MIT) who are tone-deaf to the subtle interplays of conversation and body language.

Is anybody else thinking of the Dave Chapelle skit with the “Finish it Up” (or whatever it was called) gadget?