So you killed the spider, which does nothing but eat other bugs and leer at you from high vantage points, but let the evil disease ridden plague-bearing SUV driving cat declawing cell phone using cockroach go free?
Honey. I know spiders are gross, but cockroaches are grosser. Squish the roaches and catch and release the spiders!
If I could catch and release a spider without passing out, I’d do so. But there’s the rub: I’d pass out and the bastard would either start humping me or eating me. Either way it’s bad, if you ask me.
You know how Sims flail when the house is on fire? That’s what I do when I see a spider. I run back and forth, screaming, arms a-flailin’, completely helpless. And while they generally do just leer from high vantage points, this little dude was right in my door way, hanging just so he almost touched my head. I’m 5’3’’-- my roomie is 6 feet tall. She’d have walked right into him, probably freaking out and squishing him in the process. I, instead, chose the Sim Option- running screaming through the door, flailing as soon as my arm area was clear of spider.
Cockroaches may be bad, but I bet spiders let their pet cats out in the front yard to roam. Yeah, they are THAT evil. 
But honest question: do cockroaches do anything good? Like, do they eat other bugs? Maybe spiders? If so, I’ll be investing in some cockroaches.
“humping me or eating me” snerk Doesn’t the latter often lead to the former?
You’re doing great in the face of a lot of criticism, Diosa. I am impressed. And sorry about mis-spelling your name. 
Did you (or Hal, for that matter) listen to Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me last weekend? The Not My Job guest was Kevin Fitzgerald, veterinarian and host of a show on Animal Planet (and former bouncer for the Rolling Stones). He doesn’t like spiders, either. Funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time.
No worries about the misspelling! I’m the queen of typos- notice how almost all of my posts are edited. That edit feature is my saving grace. 
And yes, eating comes before humping, except for spiders. They are evil creatures who don’t do things the way us good folks do. Plus, whichever way a spider does it is bad, it’s not like they are Marines, after all.
Speaking of Marines, my friends think it is hilarious to send me pictures of those awful camel spider things they find in their rack, their boots, and the toilets.
I hate my friends. I should feed them to spiders.
Robot Arm- I can’t speak for Hal, but I haven’t heard that yet. I’ll definitely give it a listen when I get home- so long as you promise there are no spider pictures.
It must be spider week here at the Dope. On Sunday night I was trying to cook a nice anniversary dinner for my husband and I when a very large spider showed up on our kitchen sink and tried to murder me. In a sweet gesture of anniversary love, my husband killed it for me while I screamed and flailed. I never loved my husband more than I did at that moment. sniff
Don’t listen to this “catch and release” nonsense, Diosa. Spiders that enter my house get the same treatment as any other intruder that enters uninvited and with malicious intent: they die. Such is life.
I opened my bathroom closet door to find a spider with a roach all webbed up. That, my friends, is a dilemma.
PS - I left the spider. I hate roaches. Ew. I hate typing the word roaches. The black widow in my living room did have to go to hell and die, though.
I just said it would be quicker, not less messy. I was trying to save you fourteen minutes and fifty-five seconds of unnecessary agony! See what happens when I try to look out for you? You see?!?
yellowval, I can see why you love your husband. I sense that there were many (very justified) good times for him later that night 
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ShelliBean- I called my roommate and read her your post. She screamed as I said, “Jesus Christ! That’s horrible! I’d have just moved out. What else can you do in a situation like that?”
And let’s be honest: every black widow needs to go to hell and die. They do nothing but try to kill you and in my own home that’s just flat out disrespectful.
Asimovian- Oh, don’t worry. I just slammed and triple locked the front door, running through the house screaming and flailing. Every so often, I’d open up the door, see it twitch or move one of its many evil little legs, scream, flail some more, and then wait.
I was considering tequila to help me, but I was going out with friends later and I had to drive.
Spiders will drive me to alcoholism, let me tell ya.
Squishing a spider though? That would have just been awful. I would have passed out, seriously. The scene with the spray was bad enough: my roommate armed with oven cleaner, squealing and spraying- me behind her, wielding a broom, but randomly backing up as she was screaming, “DON’T YOU DARE ABANDON ME, ANGEL!” I was this close [–] to just closing the door with her outside, so the spider could eat her- hopefully gorging himself enough that he’d explode, not unlike a gold fish.
Apologies for the eyeroll. Oven cleaner just seemed like overkill to me. However, I am not afraid of spiders so I can’t put myself in your shoes. I think the name calling is a tad harsh.
I assume this means you came to your senses in time to realize that if you’d done that, you’d be all alone the next time you had an encounter.
Diosa: Oh God, not again!
Massively Huge Spider-Monster [to comrades]: Search the building for other humans. This one’s mine.
One day I opened the front door of my apartment and a small bug of some sort (definitely not a spider or roach) ran in and immediately darted under the bookcase next to the door. I just shrugged and continued on my errand. figuring that if the little sob dared to show his face while my cat was making his rounds it would learn the error of its ways.
So were the snarky comment and subsequent eye roll. All I did was respond in kind to the tone of your response to my OP.
Anywho, Asimovian, that’s pretty much exactly the scenario that played out in my mind. Well that and the fact that she’s so tall I can use her to get things off of high shelves for me. She’s good to have around.
LurkMeister- that’s what we need: a cat! Although, I’m fairly confident the Chupacabra on the porch could have eaten the average house cat in four bites. Maybe three.
While humping it.
Spiders are cool.
In that evil, wanting to suck your goats sort of way, sure.
Taller people also make easier targets for low-hanging spiders. I think you’re really keeping her around as an early warning system.
Spiders do not bother me in the slightest. My wife freaks out when I pick them up in my hand and carry them outside.
I understand the sentiment however, as a single harmless honeybee turns me into Fay Wray.
Especially if you chant it like “Shimmy shimmy koko pop”:
Squishy squishy cockroach doom, squishy squishy doom!
I think those little rotund spiders are kind of cute. They look more like little brown button mushrooms than spiders.
Until it’s hanging directly above your head. I assure you that then your opinion will change directly to: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! JESUS CHRIST! THAT’S NOT A CUTE SPIDER, IT’S A FRIGGIN’ CHUPACABRA!!!”.
So do house centipedes. Does that mean I’m going to let one run rampant around the house? Hells, no! Little fucker’s gettin’ a ride on the the porcelain waterslide.
Spiders, house centipedes, roaches, fruit flies, and mosquitoes can all burn in the fiery cavern of Satan’s anus after a night of binge-eating chili, cabbage and asparagus.