Jesus just left Chicago, he got traded to New Orleans.
And you can’t do anything but pray that he doesn’t get tackled–the second someone hits his side, he crumples like he just got a spear in the chest.
Hey, now. Stop making fun of the President.
Unless I am misreading Matthew 21, Jesus was quite the sportsman:
*Matthew 21
As they approached Jerusalem and came to Bethpage on the Bay of Oysters, Jesus sent two of his entourage, saying to them, “Go to the village ahead of you, and at once you will find a buggy tied there, with some clubs upon her. Untie her and bring them to me. If anyone says anything to you, tell him that the Lord needs them, for he intends to play a round on The Black.”
This took place to fulfill what was spoken through the touts:
“Say to the Daughter of Louisville,‘See, your king comes to you, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.’”
His crew members went and did as Jesus had instructed them. They brought the donkey and the colt, placed their bets upon, and Jesus sat on him. A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed shouted,
“Hosannab to the Son of David!”
When Jesus entered Jerusalem, the whole city was stirred and asked, “Who is this?”
The crowds answered, “This is Jesus, the jockey of Son of David pre-post favorite for the Derby of Galilee.”
Jesus entered the casino area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. Like many sportsmen to come Jesus had major substance abuse problems…*
The first thought I have when someone thanks Jesus for helping them win is, “There’s all this hunger and starvation and violence in the world, and this asshole is tying up Jesus’s time with a plea to help him net a 3-pointer?”
The second thing I think is, “How come Jesus hates the other team?”
Of course, there was that time in the bible where a sporting match was set up between God’s disciples and some heathens. They bet on which deity would help them with the weather. The heathens tried it, and nothing happened. So God’s people tried it, and the weather changed. Yay! They win!
And clearly, because God was on their side, he hated the other team. So the good guys took their swords and hacked the losers to bits in the name of a loving God.
Maybe the Cubs should be sacrificed. God clearly hates them.
As in my Bill Maher link, he cleverly observes that “Nobody blames Jesus when they lose”.
“The other team outprayed us at halftime! You have to pray hard to succeed in this league!”
I just can’t respect a deity who gives a crap about athletics. Does Shiva fix cricket matches?
Joseph served on Pharoah’s court. 