John Cleese on Syria [Not really John Cleese, but still funny]

[The_Flying_Dutchman]

So funny, I had to share from my Newsfeed

ALERTS TO THREATS
IN 2013 EUROPE

From JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels …
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.
Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person

[bup]

Without doing a bit of research, I call misattribution.

[MindsEye_Watering]

It is funny, but it’s not Cleese: Snopes

[bup]

I was right!

[Thudlow_Boink]

@bup

Without doing a bit of research, I call misattribution.

No, I saw this on Facebook with a picture of John Cleese attached, so it must be by him.

[The_Flying_Dutchman]

@MindsEye_Watering

It is funny, but it’s not Cleese: Snopes

Thanx for clearing that up.

[johnpost]

Nobody expects the Snopes explanation.

[LC_Strawhouse]

The anti-French slur doesn’t even make sense in this case because they are supporting military action.

[buddha_david]

@MindsEye_Watering

It is funny, but it’s not Cleese: Snopes

“Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet.”
– Thomas Jefferson

[voltaire]

@buddha_david

“Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet.”
– Thomas Jefferson

Another misattribution - I have it on good authority that it was Abraham Lincoln who first said that.

[Robot_Arm]

I thought the Belgian threat level was “slower traffic keep right”.

[Gukumatz]

Edited title to clarify.

Gukumatz

[Eutychus]

@johnpost

Nobody expects the Snopes explanation.

Considering how many of these things get disseminated nowadays, I think EVERYONE expects the Snopes explanation now.

Too bad they don’t try to get it before posting, though.

[bup]

@Gukumatz

Edited title to clarify.

Sorry to bother you, Gukumatz, but I did a bit more research, and it turns out that not only is it not John Cleese, it’s also not terribly funny.