John Kerry: Saving Republicans One at a Time

How is it that I have not heard this one before?

We’ve heard about Rassman, and we’ve heard about the hamster, but why isn’t this one being mentioned recently? Has Kerry saved too many lives to talk about them all? Has he shown decisive action too frequently to include this one too?

Damn. This it the man I want at the helm when the shit is going down.

Right, because the ability to perform the Heimlich manuever qualifies one to be President. :rolleyes:

Well, yeah.

That and acting swiftly and decisively to bring crises to successful resolution.

But the ability to perform the Heimlich is also a good thing.

Would Bush have acted, or would he have sat there stumped for seven minutes? There really is more to this than just the Heimlich. I’ve been in life or death situations before, and seeing how the people around me acted really was a great insight into their character that I have found to be as accurate as any indicator I have seen. And it’s really intersting too, because there is no way of knowing how you yourself would act until you are faced with a situation. To dismiss it is overlooking what kind of character it takes to act in that kind of situation, when it would have just as easy to stand by and wait for someone else to take care of it (As was clear that someone was).

Maybe this should be included in future voter polls: “What concerns you the most… terrorism, the economy or choking on fruit?”

If he had been alone with Bush, the last thing he would have heard would have been “You’ll be glad to know I’m cutting inheiritance taxes” and then fade to black.

President’s Aide: Sir, a second piece of apple has been lodged in the gentleman’s throat.

Bush: (thinking) Hmmm… If I rush off to help him, I might scare these children. Not to mention I’m dying to know how this goat story ends…

Well, there are plenty of folks on the religious right who seem rather concerned about folks who enjoy choking on meat!

…insert pretzel comment here…

You can actually consolidate that:
"What concerns you more?[ul][]Death[]Taxes[/ul]

Bush probably would have waited 7 minutes then called Karl Rove to ask what to do, but you what? Makes no real difference. I’ll vote for Kerry because we agree much more on the issues. If I agreed more with Bush, and he was in the same situation and muffed it up and the guy died, I’d still vote for Bush.

If he was running for house physician or something, then this might matter.

In a hastily called together news conference, the White House Caterers For the Truth took great umbridge at Junior Senator Kerry’s depiction of the events.

“There was no hostile fruit served that day,” recounted Paulline O’Doull, a dishwasher that specialized in lipstick removal.

“Chic “Gums” Hecht was strictly a soft food man. On that day he was enjoying applesauce and creamed corn. While I can’t prove it, I do have a pretty good idea who planted that apple slice”. Rye Cobb, a waiter, intoned.

Neither Kerry nor anyone on his staff has commented on this allegation.

Yeah, but they had the capability to serve fruit, so Kerry’s heroism is justified.

Congratulations! You win the award for “Stupidest Thing I’ve Heard Today.”


Really? I think it’s a rather fair point. The two incidents to show something about the way the two react to crises. Kerry reacts immediately and calmly, Bush gets flustered, rolls his eyes around in his head and waits for someone else to tell him what to do.

This anecdote is actually in keeping with the how Kerry’s demeanor was described in Vietnam- that he was basically fearless under pressure and that he had a habit of decisively steering right into danger rather than away from it. John Kerry seems to have been born without a panic response- a very good thing in a leader.

But. . .but. . .he lied. About something. That I think had to do with his service in Vietnam. Not that I’m bagging on the brave soldiers who served. Only the self-aggrandizing glory whores like Kerry.

And he looks French!

Hell, he speaks French.

And he’s a flip flopper!

Who picked a trial lawyer for a running mate!

Oh, man. Such fun will be had until November. I gotta look into getting one of those big-assed Kerry/Edwards signs and figger out the logistics of getting it lit every evening and wiring it for sound.

Rye Cobb, of course, works at the Applebee’s in Washington D.C.

Is there a cash prize included?

Sorry, I hear that you get forced to vote for Bush 2.0

This was approximately in the timeframe when Bush was still drinking, so he may have had trouble deciding which Hecht to Heimlich, since there would’ve been three.

Rove would have advised him to Heimlich the one in the middle.