I have never witness such a violently putrid waste of celluloid in my existence. A film this bad makes me question whether any deity exists. Compared to this, Spice World was fucking Citizen Kane.
A word to the wise, British film-makers: stop it. Do it properly or not at all. Paying Rowan Atkinson to reprise a character from a dated series of Barclaycard advertisements is neither original nor entertaining.
I telephoned Telewest at 9.15pm tonight to ask if there was a fault with their PPV movie channel, since it was supposed to kick off at 9pm. I wish I’d asked if they could keep the fault in place longer, so that I could have had a bastard refund and got on with something better, like clearing hair from the plughole in the bathtub.
Addendum:Ben Miller, I always thought you were quite funny. Why has your entire film career been such a catalogueofunmitigatedcrap? (well, okay, The Parole Officer wasn’t too bad)
I used to want that. And then I saw Blackadder: Back And Forth, the most recent special edition show. Let’s just say that my arse has produced more original, unpredictable comedy writing than they managed there.
The shame of it is that Blackadder Goes Forth is one of the best comedy series’ ever, in my opinion, and yet our Rowan has singularly failed to do anything decent since (again, in my opinion).
Johnny English was average, which was pretty good for this years crop of movies. And you’ve obviously not watched a lot of movies if you think this is the worst you’ve seen. Call me when you’ve seen Bigfoot masturbating to a Britney Spears magazine, Leslie Neilson shirtlessly kill a man to rape a woman only to be killed by a bear, or someone mount an open wound during sex.