I have a cat.
Just to clarify I never said I would go after the burglar, I just want to defend myself should one come after me. Call the police and get behind a locked door goes without saying, IMO.
Silenus, throw the Bender at him.
Are those kiddush cups?
See, New York State makes owning a sidearm very difficult, and my rooms are small enough that, er, everything’s in arm’s reach.
Aruvqan, as a somewhat expert in swords, can you tell me anything about my odd cutlass thing? It’s too thick for a saber, too straight for a cutlass, but the recurved tip is very nice for stabbing, and it’s got a nice length to it.
(Yes, I know it’s a ‘cheap ass sword’)
Wouldn’t it be nice if these fuckers recognised their family for what they really were, instead of defending them?
Nah, just a pair of cheap Ren Faire goblets.
Muffin, I got you beat. 
Lovely! But are your cats connected?
Mine is very well connected. His best friends are the neighbour’s German shepherd and the neighbour’s neighbour’s German shepherd. Anytime people visit the property, the dogs come check them out. Its a great security system – two guard dogs for the price of a handful of cat kibble a day.
With family like that, no wonder he ended up a career criminal.
Well, you don’t sound Jewish…
Is there any weapon out there that is pronounced something like long dong or big dong?
Cause I really want to be in the newspaper one day for thwarting a burgular with my long/big dong !
That would be Silenus’ oosik.