Mortality has a way of announcing itself to you unsubtly. Here I was all this year trying to ignore my impending 50th birthday, figuring, heck, I’m from a family rich in centenarians, 'tis nothing; so what if some young up-n-comers are showing up and getting things done fast and surviving all-nighters, I still got the experience to school them good.
But then early this year my Dad asks me to help get him some doctors for second opinions on a skin condition that he was getting worried about. Always had the issue with spotting from his very fair skin in this sunny climate. So it was not that big a deal when he had to have a couple of spots taken off and biopsied.
… then the spots came back. Rinse, repeat… Hmmm …
… more tests and biopsies and the news: this one is not a good one, let’s radiate it. Doesn’t work…
Long and short of it, it keeps growing and has invaded bone and nerve; so my dad has to go in tomorrow for what they expect to be a 5-hour head surgery including significant bone, tissue and skin grafts from elsewhere on his body. The MDs were very clear: the removal of the tumor is relatively straightforward, it’s the reconstruction and recovery that’s going to be the bigger challenge. Weeks in assisted care most likely. Possible post-surgical facial paralysis and vision issues.
Damn, the man is 75, and has always been a stubbornly I-can-care-for-myself, mind-your-business-I’ll-mind-mine sort of guy; though he’s no Julio Iglesias by any stretch of imagination he always had a bit of a vain streak. A lot like both his sons, really. Now he’s looking at one serious takedown to all that, and dammit, though we were all bandying about “manly” black-humor about it (“hey, chicks dig the Phanton of the Opera”) I could sense the fear… and I’m sure he could likewise on our side.
Well, that sure makes my issues seem not so relevant all of a sudden. Like, pretty much everything can wait for now … except perhaps heading to an MD to have MY own skin spots looked at.
** (Public Service Announcement: Hats and sunscreen, people! Hats and sunscreen! Really!)**
We’ll see how things develop, thanks for lending an ear(eye?) to let me get it off my chest.
Sending good thoughts to you and your Dad. I hope the surgery goes well, and the recovery and reconstruction go better than anticipated.
And yes, get your own spots looked at. If you keep up with them, it’s not so bad. Docs have taken many little skin cancers off of my Dad’s face, ear, and even back.
JR, I had missed this thread. Sorry to hear about your dad. Yes, people around here tend to underestimate the sun. My own very-fair-skinned dad for one, and my Scandinavian husband is another example. Men, specially, think it is less manly to protect themselves from the sun for some reason. I am trying to change that culture in our home, my daughter already had permanent sun damage at 3, even with all the protection.
Like you too I am battling my own parents-are-not-forever shock, but that is a subject for another story. I know the feeling, and I sincerely hope that everything turns out for the better at Casa JR. My best wishes to you and your dad.
JR, sorry to hear this. I know how you feel though (sort of). My Dad goes in on Monday to have a sun cancer emoved and will be in for a bout a week. He is almost 90.
Muchas gracias, Mighty Girl, se aprecia mucho. Thanks to you all, really.
OKay, just took a little nap to take the edge off the sleep deprivation and I can say that the Dr. is telling me progress is good; though to the layman’s eye he still looks like he called Manny Pacquiao something nasty, in fact the swelling’s down, the grafts are taking hold reasonably and there’s no sign yet of fever, so he’s going to be moved from ICU to a regular room on schedule tomorrow and there on to nursing care by as soon as week’s end if he behaves himself. The latter has to do with how, early yesterday morning, while in the confused haze of emerging from sedation he managed to extubate himself(!) and remained combative until noon. Today he’s got his bearings together, is able to sit up and is communicating well, but he insists on trying to poke where he feels the stitching and pull at the O2 mask, which is actually taped to his head, and he has been sternly advised to keep his hands to his sides.
The surgery took like 6 hours, we were able to see some of the surgery pictures (impressive work, but it would be one major :eek: for the unprepared). The really big deal was that they had to take out bone (parts of cheekbone and maxilla including bits of eyesocket) rather than just skin and connective tissue so they had to rebuild a significant bit of facial structure. Within 2 or 3 weeks, depending on progress, they should be able to properly finish the flaps, remove some packing and complete the eyelid reconstruction - until then his left eye is effectively sewn shut by the stitching that holds the skin grafts. Then there will have to be at least some time in L/T care (residential or home care TBD). But, if he complies with his orders, it seems there’s still a lot of miles in the old dude before we get to decide which grandkid keeps the folded flag. There’s a relief.
And a pretty good 50th B’day present, come to think of it selfishly.
Please look into adjuvant therapy. Malignant melanoma can very easily turn into a systemic, metastatic disease. Prompt post-surgical follow-up can make a difference.
Progress seems to be good, but the surgery seems to have taken a bit more out of him than expected, strengthwise, so JRDad is now at a rehab unit to get him stronger (and better adapted to the visual changes) before clearing him to go on Home Care, the preferred choice, perhaps as soon as next week.