How come the day I tell everyone I’ve got a raw sore throat lined with sandpaper, and I’m losing my voice, is the day three separate people who normally catch up with me via text decide to phone for a chat instead? Sadistic bastards.
I’m grumbly about my depression today.
Two years ago, I had to walk off the set of a production a week before we opened due to illness. It was bad. Bad enough that I believe I was kinda blacklisted for a while. I kept trying out for roles, and getting nothing.
Two months ago there were auditions for Midsummers, a play I really, really wanted to be in. I did everything in my power to knock the auditions out of the park… And not only did I get in, I got the role I wanted!
(As a side-note, before I was offered the role, the director took me aside and asked me very pointedly about my health to make sure I -could- do the role. I appreciated that.)
And now… The show has opened. We’ve had great audiences. I’ve received direct compliments as to my work…
And my depression is stabbing me for that. The chemical imbalances in my brain are now consistently haranguing me for wanting to accept those compliments. They’re telling me that the hard work I did in order to be accepted back into the fold of the theater company, the effort and time I’ve put in at rehearsals, and the work I’ve done that obviously people -do- like? I shouldn’t be happy or proud of any of it. And as depression goes… I can’t be. In a few hours I go back on stage, playing a role I wanted and worked my ass off for and apparently do quite well… And my goddam depression won’t allow me to feel an ounce of happiness over it. GRAAAAAH!
Yeah, Depression is a bitch. A real live Demon living in your head constantly shitting over everything you do and think about. What kills me is the random thoughts of some mistake I made as far back as grade school. Then I’m like “I haven’t thought about that in 45 years and there’s nothing I can do about it, why the fuck is that suddenly in my brain right now??? I was fucking EIGHT YEARS OLD and did something stupid - like every damned Human on Earth from the beginning of time, and right now you decide I should feel bad about that???”
Oh yes, Chimera, this is what happens when I can’t sleep. I can remember stupid shit I did decades ago and beat myself up for being a moron. What the hell?
ArrMatey!, I hope that you are able to get through this and start enjoying your current success. And if you need help, well, we’re here.
… bonus points if you then beat yourself up for being so hard on yourself up about something so stupid in the first place.
(If you don’t actually do this already, then - like smoking - please don’t start.)
Oh, yeah, purple, I got that covered.
Apparently there are more than a few of us with expertise in this area.
That library book that I wrote in when I was 15 years old and used red ink?
The one that had so many misspelled words that I couldn’t help myself?
The one that I voluntarily paid to replace and was probably weeded a year later?
Oh yeah, that one keeps me up at night sometimes.
The cats that I didn’t do right for because I didn’t know what I was doing when I first started rescue work keep me up even longer. I used to let cats have kittens and didn’t get them all fixed before giving them to “good homes”. I’m probably responsible for about 60 million abused cats because I’m such a dumbass. It doesn’t matter that I’ve saved thousands of cats since I learned what I was doing, its the ones that I picked up off the street and gave away to breed that haunt me.
In other news, I’m going to shoot my husband next time I see him. He flew out to somewhere dry and left me here to deal with the wet hounds and the pond we used to call our yard. I used to think that he loved me. I’d cry myself to sleep but I don’t want the bed to get wet too. Its the only thing dry anymore!
Were all of y’all in my room yesterday morning at 1 am when my brain woke me up to do this?
My rant: Ladies of a Certain Age, please for the love of whatever deity you follow, please put your reading glasses on your face when you need to read. Especially if your job requires a lot of reading print on a computer. Next time the LoaCA hands me a piece of paper or points to the screen to read something for her, I’m going to give wrong information. Because I **am **wearing my glasses (half-blind without 'em) and I **can **read the screen and your vanity is wearing on my nerves.
Talked to Bast, she sez you’re Ok in her book.
[ul]
[li]It’s too damn hot here in So Cal.[/li][li]After 1.5 years of complaining, the residents of my mom’s retirement home finally convinced management to get rid of the crappy, nasty chef. They are transferring the bitch into a new position: regional chef. At least she won’t be cooking, but since everyone already hates her, I can’t see how she can do any good in any position.[/li][li]I tried to qualify many, many times for Pearson’s online scoring job and still couldn’t meet their 96% requirement for accurate responses according to their rubric. They still paid me for all the practice work, but I FAIL. Dammit. [/li][/ul]
I went cycling today because it’s one of the few forms of exercise that I can do with a torn ACL (as long as I’m careful). So of course, when I went over a bump I braced myself with the busted leg, not the healthy one. :smack:
No harm done as far as I can tell, but I really gave myself a scare there.
This is on no way an attack against single parents, but exactly when did this “Happy Fathers Day to all you single Moms out there----they have to be a mother AND a father too!” bullshit start up on social media? There IS a day for single moms: MOTHERS Day. Are now going to wish Happy Mothers Day to single fathers as well?
Or is this some sort of namby-pamby touchy feelie thing because God Forbid we have ONE day that celebrates the masculine role model in our wussy society? Are we afraid that giving any credit to fatherhood may be misinterpreted as some sort of subconscious misogynist bent if we leave the women out?
Knock it off with this crap.
That fuckstick Abbott is at it again. This time they want to cut federal funding for public schools. Because of course it’s public schools and not private schools who shouldn’t get public funding.
Happy Father’s Day. Um, uh…you didn’t molest me? That’s all I got.
I’ve seen Father’s Day cards for pet owners. While I love our critters as much as the next person, if I ever learned that someone really humped their dog I wouldn’t take them to the vet, I’d just do some home neutering.
My mother got a Best Cow rosette from my niece. Well, a Best Grandparents one.
Best Grandparents? Really? Maybe I’m the one who’s out of fucking line, but The Niece never met her Grandpa Jay! Not even The older Nephew did, Dad having died three months and five days after my brother’s wedding (that’s five years and eight months minus three days before the boy’s birth). Nephew met their Grandpa Joe; Niece didn’t. A lot of their classmates also have widowed grandmothers; a few have widowed grandfathers. Is it so terribly difficult to have the kids make different Best Cow rosettes depending on the actual grandparents they really have?
WTH is a Best Cow rosette? Sounds like a 4H award. Why would you give that to your grandparents?
From her prior posts about Nava’s mother? “Best Cow” might have been the nicest thing the niece could come up with! 
Also? Fuck my power bill, and this weather! It’s only June, ferchristssake! Why are we having August already? (Actual high temps of 98-102F the past 1.5 weeks. Heat indices of 115+.) The heat pump just cannot keep up, and we just can’t afford to pay another bill like this one! (I’m already doing all of my cooking on the grill, in the microwave, or in the crockpot. The oven hasn’t been turned on since last month, and the stove needs to be dusted. Also, my poor little new azaleas and hydrangea are getting parched, but I’m trying to walk a fine line between keeping them alive and not running the well pump any more than absolutely necessary. But my sago palms are thriving!)
I presume that “rosette” is the term for the roundish, pointy part of a blue ribbon, such as would be awarded an animal at a State Fair (possibly the entire award, including the dangling ribbons - - do an image search on the “best cow rosette”). It does appear to be a livestock award.
As to why a Spanish kid making one as a “World’s Greatest Grandpa”-type token of affection for Poppy would think of it as a “Best Cow” rosette, I’ll let Nava handle that one. Maybe cattle are the default recipients of such awards at county fairs in Spain.
Timestamps that don’t give a time, but instead round to x seconds/minutes/hours/days/weeks/months/years. So it was posted “3 years ago”, without knowing your rounding policy (always up, always down, or the closest) that could be anywhere from “2 years and 1 second” to “3 years and 364 days” The task is going to take an estimated “2 hours”, gee thanks for the accurate estimate:dubious: