Jurassic Park III. So many, many issues.

OK, I’ll admit - I was only sporadically watching this, while also watching the Olympics, the Giants game, Airline, Silverado, and Deep Sea Detectives. (Why yes, my wife is out of town, why do you ask? :)).

But the parts I did see…wow. Let’s discuss, b/c I’m hoping all these bizarre plot holes were explained while I wasn’t watching.

• Why were all the dinosaurs so much more colorful than before? We’re talking the same species that were one shade of green recently. (8 years ago - did I remember that right?). Now they’re green, red, have white stripes, yellow streaks, etc. That’s some speedy evolution.

• Why do I get the feeling that if there’s a Jurassic Park 4, the Raptors will be wearing smoking jackets and hosting Masterpiece Theater? Couldn’t the writers have ratcheted down their cleverness a little?

• And let’s talk about that cleverness. They were smart enough to set traps, open doors, climb over fences, call for help, etc. So why did they become so stupid at the end? Fooled by the sound coming out of a Raptor skull, emitted right in front of them by their prey? C’mon. And why were they negotiating for the eggs? As soon as those eggs hit the ground, they would have all been dead.

• Don’t you think Tea Leoni would have made sure she shut the Aviary door all the way?

• Is Ellie the daughter of a 4 star General? She gets a call from her boyfriend and scrambles half the Navy to rescue them down in Central America. They arrive in what has to be some kind of deployment speed record, complete with what looks like a squadron of troops, those amphibious landing vehicles, helicopters, and what looked like two Naval Destroyers parked off shore. You betcha. “General, we’ve got four people trapped by some dinosaurs in Central America.” “Mother of GOD. Get SAC on the line! Scramble the bombers! We are at DEFCON THREE!!!”

• How insulting is it to have the guy that was being attacked by the Pterodactyls show up in a stretcher at the end? Sam Niell calls his g/f, then she calls in the Navy and says “Oh, and although everyone else is dead, can you search around nearby and provide medical assistance to those who might not be dead before rescuing the people that called me?” And who gives a shit about that guy anyway? I’d much rather have seen Michael Jeter survive.

• Did everyone lose their minds in the last scene as the Pterodactyl were flying away? Why were they suddenly treated with such reverence? “Oh, look at those magnificent creatures. I wonder where they’re going? It’s a whole new world for them…” Huh-WHAT!!! How about blowing them out of the sky, since they are an obvious threat to humans no matter where they’re going?


Mercifully, my brain has wiped all the details of this movie from my consciousness, but this movie is certainly on my short list for really shitty movies:

Jurassic Park III
Josie and the Pussycats
Bring It On

I waste a lot of time in my life, doing things that will never matter. But dammit, these six hours I want back.

She didn’t tell them anything about the dinosaurs, she told them George Bailey was on the island, and he was in some kind of trouble.

Also, the third movie was a lot better than the second. At least you could just enjoy it for the popcorn rubbish it was.

There’s nobody named George Bailey in the cast. (Unless Jimmy Sterwart from It’s A Wonderful Life was in one scene while I wasn’t watching). Which character do you mean? I can’t think of any single person who would’ve inspired that kind of military extraction.

I guess you mean “you” in the objective sense. :wink:

Dooku, at least you only watched it on TV. I was suckered into - if you can believe it - paying money to see this piece.

A couple hours and a few bucks that I’ll never get back.

I liked III more than II. III doesn’t pretend to be anything more than it is, and it works as such. Plus, we didn’t have Malcom or his seriously obnoxious gymnast daughter to kick around…

I liked Josie and the Pussycats…

I liked 3 a lot more than 2, as well. I paid to see 3 in the theater. Twice.

I think Ross was trying that humor thing. Well, I thought it was funny.

Yeah, there’s a lot of problems with the movie, but I agree that it was probably less annoying than JP2. I am always amazed how such highly educated people could be such idiots. And the pudgy African-American girl as Jeff Goldblum’s Olympic class gymnast daughter who uses those skills to escape several hungry raptors… totally believable. :rolleyes:

Back to JP3. I did love those Pterodactlys, so I could see how everyone could just watch them fly away and say “oooh, pretty”. Anyway, they are just going to end up in South America, nothing for those of us in the U.S.A. to worry about. I admit I watch the movie every so often, I keep hoping Tea Leoni will get eaten.

They didn’t shoot the pterodactyles because Speilberg won’t allow hunting in his movies…

I said it before, and I’ll say it again: JP3, while not a great film, is still the best of the three.

I’ve been hvaing trouble with my humor meter all day. My bad.

I was going to reply saying that I had never seen JP2…until you mentioned that scene. My God, I did see that movie! Not bad enough for me to even remember its badness, but I must have, b/c I remember that. IIRC she relied on the “durable perfectly straight branches spaced apart exactly like uneven bars” technique, also seen in The Mask Of Zorro.

ArchiveGuy’s analysis is more or less what I would have said if I had wanted to go to the trouble. It works as what it is, and doesn’t have any pretentions of being anything more.

They explain it on the DVD. It seems that since the first JP came out, new discoveries have made the original raptors obsolete, so they decided to give them an upgrade to what we presently know about them (also I think they wanted to play a little bit with their new toys… I mean software).

It is alluded at the beginning of the movie, Ellie and Alan Grant are no longer together. Ellie has married someone from the State Department but remained friend with Alan Grant. So when she received the phone call from Alan, I figured she called hubby at work and asked him to do something about it.

Reading through the linked thread, someone made the comment that they only watched the movie because they wanted to see Tea Leoni get eaten.,

That’s not right, I want to eat…

Never mind…

If this report is accurate, you’re not far wrong. The current draft of Jurassic Park IV apparently takes a tremendously goofy leap in order to feature Teenage Mutant Ninja Raptors. I shit you not. Read the link (skip down to the red “review begins here” note).

The only “evil” character in the first movie (Nedry? I’m watching him as Newman on Seinfeld as I type this) serves to set in motion the conflict between the people and the dinos for the rest of the film. He served a valuable purpose and, IMO, made for an interesting side story that ended fairly early and didn’t distract from the main story.

Obviously this is all subjective, but I thought the acting in JP III was the worst of the three. Even Macy wasn’t very believable–perhaps because he was mainly interacting with Tea Leoni. Sam Neill was servicable, but he was better in the first movie. His grad student was a bad actor. Jeter was good, as always, and I agree that less screen time for Attenborough is a good thing. And as for the kid…

Holy cow! I thought the kid in 3 was the most ridiculous of them all. His entrance scene makes him out to be some kind of twelve-year-old Rambo. I almost burst out laughing at that scene in the theater, thinking “They can’t be serious!” I found it hard to enjoy the rest of the movie after that. The kids in 1 could have been written better, but at least they seemed much more a part of the story than in 2 or 3. They were sometimes annoying, but sometimes endearing and I found that I cared what happened to them. I can’t say I cared a bit what happened to the kid in 3.

I found the raptors in 1 and 2 to be scarier. C’mon! The scene in 2 where they’re stalking the people through the tall grass is great! And then when they’re chasing Goldblum and company around the compound and trying to dig under the doors–pretty scary.

Also, regarding the initial attack of the spinosaurus in 3 when the people are in the plane. The shots of his big head ramming the plane look awful when compared to similar T-rex shots in the first two movies. In that attack scene in 3, the dino looks exactly like what it really is–a giant puppet head. I’ve seen better effects in movies 20 years older.

I like the first movie best, and the second movie is a close runner-up. I own them both on DVD. I don’t really care to watch 3 again. Like I said–it’s all pretty subjective, so I can appreciate your opinions. Just thought I’d share my own.

Oh, and finally, the second movie is heads and shoulders above the third, if for no other reason, because of the last fifteen minutes or so when the T-rex is rampaging through the city. That’s my favorite bit out of all the movies.

Must’ve been a scene I’ve missed. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go set up my ex girlfriend with someone from the State Department. I’m planning a hiking trip up in the Trinity Alps, and one can never be too careful. :slight_smile:

[spoiler](The Raptors) have super-sensitive smell and hearing, incredible strength and speed and pack-hunting instincts, and they have modified forelegs, lengthened and topped with more dextrous fingers, as well as dog DNA for increased obedience and human DNA so they can solve problems well. All of this is topped off with a drug-regulating implant that can dose them with adrenaline or serotonin as the situation demands.

I will now self-flense.

Actually, she’s in the rafters of a big shed and she uses some of the beams as parallel bars. You would expect them to be durable and perfectly straight and evenly spaced. Still a stupid scene, but not as bad as using tree branches.

Actually 2 was my favorite of the series despite its stupid moments. You know how something can be so dumb it actually manages to be endearing to some people? You know, like Republicans and the President? Same deal with me and this movie. I’ll also second Tangent’s affection for the T-Rex rampaging through San Diego sequence. Sometimes I skip the whole movie just for this apart alone.