It was really fun! The story was blah, IMHO, but who needs that. We’ve got a freakin’ gigantic:
DINO FIGHT !!! HOLY SHIT, FUCKING COOL!
Chris Pratt makes a great protagonist. He’s the hero-at-heart type of fuzzy dude that’ll hang out for a hockey game. Bryce Dallas was good, but her character was sort of dull. The kids were really good as well! Also nice to see Vincent D’Onofrio again. Hell, did he drink some beer or what?
The action sequences make this flick fantastic. I seriously did not think we’d have that much dinosaur action. I really, really loved:
[SPOILER] Pterodactyls were awesome. That lasted, what, 10 minutes? Damn cool and freaky!
The Gyroshpere/Hamsterball was scary. After that Indominous Rex thing easily pops its claw straight through the bulletproof glass and tries to eat it, then lifting it and stomping on it was completely unexpected. Probably because it’s not a real one!
The Mosasaurus leaping from the water at numerous times was just really fucking cool and real looking. I’d go to this park to see that. Nah, I wouldn’t. I’d probably move to Russia if anyone decided to open this in central America.
And the twist near the end. At least for me: I didn’t even THINK that hellish new dino would have RAPTOR DNA! These scientist are super, super awful at predicting probable outcomes for these creatures. I wonder if they know about acids and bases. [/SPOILER]
Overall it was super-summer film fun, so go see it in 3D! Worth it.
But… here’s some things that bugged me, as I am always a picky, little bastard with films:
[SPOILER] How in the hell does Claire keep her fucking high heels on running through a muddy jungle? Explain, please.
That Jeep could still run?
A big one: Why would the most secure and most technologically advanced theme park with dinosaurs NOT HAVE CELL RECEPTION throughout the this huge jungle. Humans have to go these areas quite often, don’t they? A big open field, a high tech Gyrosphere, and the poor kid driving couldn’t hear aunt Claire telling them to flee. And Verizon was a sponsor for one of their attractions!
The dialogue was absolutely terrible. The jokes were just plain hokey. How many times have we heard lines like, “She/He/It’s a killing machine!” And then the boring, “My assistant. She’s good. She’s British.” Good fucking grief. [/SPOILER]
And now I have a question about…
… the poor British assistant who was flung around everywhere. Was she eaten by the Mosasaurus in the water? Somehow I missed this. Thanks in advance!