And I’m kinda freaking out. I worked at an animal hospital for 7 years, and this person, P., started working there soon after I did. Apparently she has breast cancer, it’s spread to the lymph nodes, she’s having a mastectomy done next week, and she’s going to undergo chemo. (I found this out from an e-mail that an ex-co-worker sent)
She is one of the nicest people you’d ever meet. She’s already been through a lot in her life, she doesn’t deserve to get cancer (I know, I know, who does?) My co-workers and I used to call her “Mother P.” because she was the oldest one of us (late 50s) and she was maternal, but not in a bad way. She’d always bake everyone cookies at Christmas. I feel shocked, and scared, and sad.
And I feel guilty. I left the animal hospital for a couple reasons, I was burnt out, needed a change of pace, and my then-boyfriend asked me to move in with him- out-of-state. The hospital was a small business, only 1 main doc and a couple part-timers if needed, and 5 or 6 employees. We became like a family of sorts. Since I moved (2 years ago this July) I have hardly written to them or kept in touch. I used to be a great letter-writer but not anymore. Last year I developed hypothyroidism, and that screws with your whole body, and there were months where I was always exhausted, got easily fatigued from any exertion, and was more moody than usual. I was even anti-social for a while, which is unusual for me. I didn’t want to see anybody or do anything, much less sit down and write a letter. I’d always say, “I’ll write them next week.” and it turned in to months, then a year. I just feel bad because I haven’t kept in touch with them, and they were my family for a while. I feel like any attempts I make now will be too little, too late.
Damn but I feel like poop. I can only wonder what she and her family are going through. She’s the type of person who doesn’t like to have a big fuss made over her, she had a minor surgery done a few years ago, on a spot that the drs. thought was skin cancer, and she didn’t tell us until it was over because she didn’t want us worrying and getting all upset and fussing over her.
The funny thing is, if I heard the same thing about the woman who gave birth to me, I don’t think I’d be upset like this. I’ve been estranged from my family of origin for about 10 years, and my real family is my friends and my husband’s family.
I want to call her, but I don’t know what I’d say: “Hi, how ya been, I heard you just got diagnosed with cancer, that sucks.” How does a person approach a situation like this? Okay, I’ve got to go do something to get out of this funk. I’m getting way too depressed. Sorry if I brought anybody else down.
He survived through humour rather than pitty and overhelpfulness. At times I’m sure it sounded cruel to passersby, but it helped him keep his (then rather bald) head above water and realize that he could do it. I’ll always remember picking him up after a series of treatments (he was so ill) and a nurse was in his room…