Anyone here just getting started at life in their forties? That seems to be the path facing me. Whatever the causes of your delayed life, is their anyone here that has surmounted that sizeable mountain? I’m poor and have no connections whatsoever and I seem to have mental issues, so the mountain seems that it is one million meters tall and permanently out of reach. I’m seeking inspiration here, so this isn’t the usual raging psycho shit I post normally. Is life still possible to start at 40 or older? Or should I just keep popping pills and raging on the internet until the day comes that I do something that gets me institutionalized, jailed or killed?
Bear in mind that on this message board, many if not most of us would see the chance to turn the clock back to our forties as a cherished gift.
Since you’ve asked us oldsters for insight, what you’ll read here is that life is a precious gift not to be squandered. We feel pity for those who throw that gift away, and disgust for those who try to ruin it for others. If you want to find a better alternative than being a miserable asshole, find some patience and peace; even if it seems at first to be surrendering to all the bullshit you hate. Your own peace can be a refuge to others who really need to find some themselves. They’ll give you more happiness than you could ever gain through fighting.
I started “real life” (i.e., self-sustaining employment and stuff) at 34, so not massively different from starting in one’s 40s.
Age isn’t quite “just a number” but 40 is young. You’ve got time.
I’ll try not to be too glurgey about it, but every day can be a new beginning, and you can 100% start a new life in your 40’s. If you think about it, we all go through different phases of life, and there’s no template that says you have to do certain things at a specific age.
It can help to get someone (a therapist, teacher, mentor, etc.) to help you make a plan. If you have mental health issues, therapy is a great place to start - most health insurance covers at least some visits, and if yours doesn’t, a state university or public hospital can sometimes help you get resources.
Try to think about what lifestyle changes you think you’d be happy with, then start thinking about realistic steps you can take to get there. If you find self-defeating thoughts creeping in, try to acknowledge them and move on. It can help to write an actual physical list of objectives, steps to take, obstacles, and ways to overcome those obstacles. Small incremental changes can add up to really large successes.
As my own therapist, who I finally took steps to find at the age of 62, tells me, “There’s no better time than now to start doing what makes you happy.”
I’d just keep on doing what you’re doing.
Obviously you can afford to eat, indulge in your drug use, must have a computer, a car a place to sleep.
Don’t change a thing.
Whatever your mental illnesses are will eventually take over and your choices will end.
I have little to no patience with someone who will not get help when they obviously know they have mental illness and addiction issues.
If you could not help yourself I would personally help you. I swear I would take you to a place you could get help.
You’re clear enough in your thinking. You know you have these problems. Fix yourself, brother.
Pretty much. Not going to give a long answer here right now, since I’m actively doing the things that are me “getting started in my 40s,” but I pretty much consider the first 25 years as a waste and the last 20 as a form of self-imprisonment slash learning experience. By many metrics I’m probably at my healthiest and probably have a few decades left. So I’m not too worried about the past, just living.
I’m 70 and enjoying my retirement because I made good choices earlier in life.
I plan to visit my friends in Las Vegas later this year (I’m in the UK, so it’s quite a journey…)
I’m thinking of restarting my boomerang throwing too (I learnt in Australia decades ago.)
Yes, you can turn your life around at any age.
Firstly you need to recognise that you need to change.
Then you have to take the first step.
Reaching your goal of happiness seems like a mountain. But the way to climb a mountain is to take the first step (and keep going.)
This sounds like you have recognised the need to change.
Any large city is full of addicts going through recovery programs in their 40s. A quick internet search for your city will turn up legions of facilities offering that service. They would not exist without customers.
Some of those customers succeed, others fail. Others end up on a treadmill of success for a while then relapse. The vast majority, even the failures, are better off for the experience of trying.
The difference between every one of them and the OP is they took the concrete step of actually starting.
It can be done. Can the OP do it? Only they know and they won’t know until they try.
Know thyself 
.
I guess you will be happier if you start a new life. It will be hard, if you aren’t really determined, you will relapse. That isn’t even the end. You can try again and again.
I’m crossing my fingers.
I usually charge $5,000 for a misdemeanor, and $7,500 for most felonies. Unless you have priors, or there’s SBI (serious bodily injury). Then it’s $15k - $25k. For something really fucked up liked Kiddie Porn or Sexual Battery, it’s $50,000.
Fees are going to vary by jurisdiction.
I’m not quite sure what you’re getting at by “just getting started”. I mean, you’ve clearly lived 20 years or thereabouts of adult life in one way or another; I’d say you’re as experienced as anyone else at 40.
I think the fallacy you’re subscribing to here is that there’s some sort of Platonic ideal life/lifestyle that you should aspire to as an adult. That’s not true. You don’t have to be a homeowner, hold down a 8-5 full-time job, or any of that stuff if that’s not what works for you.
For a lot of people, it’s what works in a financial security and risk management sense, but it’s not at all what makes them happy. They might well be happier being in a band and touring, or selling knick-knacks on the beach somewhere, or doing their artistic endeavors full-time.
Don’t let society tell you what or how you should live; that may not be what works for you. I’ve always been one of those people who’s had it together from the very beginning and I’m pretty successful. But I do occasionally have a bit of wistful envy for those guys who seem to live like The Dude in The Big Lebowski. Not much stuff, but not much responsibility or expectations either. That would definitely be nice.
I think the important thing is really to be aware of what you’re choosing and then owning those choices in your own life and being responsible for the consequences.
Don’t worry, Jackson. This is an Anonymous Message Board. No one here will piss on your grave if only because we have no idea who you are!
On the bright side, at least you’re not so stupid as to have lost your shirt on Lucent stock… and when someone tried to warn you not to invest everything you had left in Global Crossings before the crash, had the nerve to call them “college boy”. Someone that stupid would have pissed away his entire house fund, kids college fund, management bonuses and 401k following the stupidity of the day.
G’wan… look at all of your statements! Be glad you’re not THAT Bonehead…
You have the total right to run your life in a way that gets you killed or institutionalized. Heck, you decide one day you want commit suicide that’s IMO your decision to make and the rest of us have no right to judge your choice.
But crime, and particularly violent crime, is off the list. Your right to your own path through your time on the earth ends when you decide to f*** with somebody else’s path through their time on earth. That shit’s not cool.
If you don’t start now, when will you, 10 more years, 20?
You may look back and wish you had started now.
It doesn’t get easier to restart/start over, so might as well start now.
I spent my 30’s clawing onto the institutional sales desk for investment banking. That all ended in tears with the 1997 Asian crisis. Moved to a new city and country (Shanghai) and rebooted. Was about 40 when I got started in high tech. Still kicking 20+ years later.
You guys know he’s not coming back to this thread, right?
Based on the OPs’s other threads, I would highly recommend seeking some professional help regarding some of his issues and the anger related to them.
As for “just getting started” or “starting over” in your 40s (or however old), you can’t really do much about what age you are. But you can make decisions about taking courses or applying for jobs or making good financial choices and not comparing yourself to other people.
Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
As always we’re as much talking amongst ourselves about the OP post as we are talking to the OP person.
OK man, you do you. I don’t kink shame.
Who’s trying to shame the guy.
He’s shamed himself.
I agree he’s not coming back here. That would ruin the whole “gotcha” game.
I hope it was fun for him.