Just Say No: A Tale Of Retail

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I remember when I was a teenager. Me and a friend of mine were tripping our balls off. We decided to walk down to 7-11 for smokes and OJ.

When we get there, my friend is too paranoid to go into the store. Not feeling the paranoia myself, I told him he could just wait outside and I would go in to get the stuff.

So, I go in and get the stuff. I walk up to the counter and pay for it all. As the cashier is bagging my items, he picks up the OJ and says: “Whats this for?” as he gives a knowing smile. I, in turn, give hime a knowinbg smile back. We then proceed to make small talk about the joys of XTC. He then asked me, what the deal is with my friend waiting outside the store. I told him he was too scared to come in. I then asked the cashier dude if he would go out there and fuck with my friend. I told him to just go out there and ask my friend why he’s loitering out in front of your store.

To my delight, he agreed. I couldn’t hear what was being said because I was still in the store, but I could see my friends eyes turning as big as silver dollar pancakes. Unlike the OP, I could only handle watching a couple of minutes of my friend being tortured. So I went out there to assure him all is right as rain.

I could NOT stop laughing the whole way home. Fortunately, my friend saw the humor in it too after he realized his world wasn’t collapsing in on him.

22

See posts, 8, 9, and 10.

23

Way back in the early 90’s I worked for Radio Shack. Part of the job was explaining the thing you were selling, getting the customer happy with it, justifying the 25+% premium they usually wound up paying.

Anyway, a woman and daughter (late teens, I guess) entered and were looking for a plug adapter to use on a trip to Europe. So I show them the display, the different plug adapters, and the voltage converters. I explain that they need both the plug adapter and the voltage converter to use most items.

The girl disagrees “I went to Europe and you only needed the plug part”. We continued to discuss the issue for about 10 minutes, she is vehemently disagreeing that the voltage converter is necessary and the mother doesn’t know what to think.

At this point, Mom says “Wasn’t that the trip where your hair dryer caught on fire?”

24

I worked the “good store” in Greensboro, meaning where all the middle and upper class folks shopped. So when I went to grad school in Boone, it was a different world. My family are redneck and white trash folks, but I was raised in DC, so I have trouble with some of the more rural dialects in my new location in the Appalachians.

The first was an old woman asking for “Shake Cheese.” It took a while for me to learn that was grated Parmesan cheese in a can. Makes sense once you know it. Another old guy walked right up to me and asked rather indignantly, “WHERE’R YER NUTS?” I kept it straight as I asked if he meant the kind used in baking or just for snacking.

In G-boro, another old guy asked where the nutty bars were. I said that there was one on Lee Blvd. He didn’t get it.

Back in Boone: an old lady wants to know where she can find “Hick.” Her grand kids love it. We finally figured out that she wanted Hi-C. My coworker agreed that we now knew where to find the Hick. Someone else wanted “Yard-Candy.” This turned out to be Fruit By The Foot. And finally, I asked one of my coworkers if she was a student at App State. “No, I’m in high school” “Really? which one?” “THE high school.” She didn’t believe me when I began listing just the public high schools in my home county and didn’t stop until I hit 22.

25

I was working the midnight shift Sunday night on a long weekend in a convenience store during my second Dean’s vacation from University in 1987 and it was ssllooowww. I had read all the magazines, including the back rack(Playboy, et al.) and People/bridal sections and cleaned up everything I had to get done by 2 AM.

Bored,bored,bored. And thirsty. Our manager allowed us all the fountain pop, slurpees and coffee we wanted but I wanted something…more. What to have? I look in the cooler and I see it shining brightly, pining to get out. No mere can this; oh no. Two glorious liters of cola goodness, brimming with all the things a 19 year old would need to get through a Sunday graveyard shift, twice the sugar and caffeine; indeed.
I twisted off the cap and proceeded to drink deep, bubbles tickling my throat, and icy goodness sliding down my gullet. Ahhhhh! In less than 15 minutes I had devoured the lot.

2:45 AM can be a lonely time, but I didn’t notice because the next 3 hrs went by in a blur. Heart racing and jacked on the most caffeine I had ever consumed in one sitting (At this point I had been downing almost two pots of coffee a day to stay awake in class and get homework done; Engineering is a demanding mistress), I washed the floors, twice. I faced and dusted every can in the store, and I washed out the milk cooler. This last was a particularly thankless job that left you smelling faintly of stale milk and hopelessness.

Near 6 AM: Still buzzed, but standing at the till quietly vibrating because there is…A Customer! Yay!
A cabbie on his way home from what looked to be a bad night, bags under his eyes testament to what evil he has seen while the city sleeps. He reaches for the coffee pot and pulls it back to fill his cup, and is aware he is being watched. He looks up, the spotty faced youth looks at him expectantly and says,
GoodMorningIJustMAdeThatTenMinutesAgo,IHopeItISGoodThat’llBeADollarHAveANiceDAy!

The cabbie edges slowly back, says “Thanks.” and beats feet to get out of the store before the youth explodes.

8 AM Yay! Shift is finally over, the air feels good and the sun is shining. I run home and vacuum and dust the house. My mother is faintly alarmed at this completely unexpected turn of events as she was hitherto unaware that I even knew it existed. I have a lovely breakfast with the parental units and decide to clean my room. My mother is now sure I am ill, or on illicit substances but it’s working in her favour so she says nothing.

10 AM-ish "Hmm, I wonder if I should sit down on my bed for a minute! Gosh, this has been a busy day! Why am I talking with exclamation points?! This pillow is really comfy! I close my eyes briefly sure I’ll never sleep again; Darkness falls.
I snap awake, it’s 5:30 AM the next day. I have to be at work in 2 hours.

No Jolt Cola on that shift, though.

26

My favorite customer encounter was with someone who didn’t pay attention to where she was. “Where are the Walgreens batteries?” she asked.

<blink> “Umm, they’re at Walgreens, about three blocks down. This is Dominick’s.”

Another was from some poor shopper who was just tired of dealing with the store across the street that was being gutted, remodeled and doubled in size while it stayed open. Ingenious, cunning, and exasperating, all in one dusty package.

As new sections were built, they were stocked and their former home was demolished to make way for something else to be shuffled over. Initially, it was quite a trek through a construction site to get to produce as it was all alone in the newly-built corner. Yea, I have traversed the Valley of Visqueen and I have found the saltines at the far end of Cooler Canyon!

Anyway, bare concrete floors in spots, dust everywhere, and maps that were updated daily to assist in the vain search for mustard. One poor fellow had just had it and called out hoping some random person might know the answer to “Where the hell’s the soap!” As perfect punctuation to his mood, two glass quart bottles of pop slipped off the bottom of his cart and exploded, launching plumes of root beer.

27

I worked at a convenience store in the 70’s that had a lot of 10-12 year olds coming in during the shift. It was a somewhat boring day when I turned and looked at the manager, rang up 25 cents on the register and threw in a quarter.

I said, “25 cents worth of entertainment”.

The manager gave me a quizzical look just as the young boy stepped up to the counter and placed a Hostess fruit pie on it.

I rang it up 25 cents.

The boy handed me a quarter. I threw the quarter into the register and closed it.

As the kid reached for the pie I quickly and expertly Karate chopped the pie so that it exploded out of both ends out the bag all over the counter.
The kid froze, looking at the pie he just paid for in ruins on the counter.

I looked at the kid with an expression of boredom.

The kid stammered and started to protest.

I grinned and told him to go get another pie.

The manager just bust out laughing and said he enjoyed that so much that he’d clean up the mess for me. Apparently the kid went outside and told all his friends because the next 5 kids who came in all brought fruit pies and grins to the counter hoping to see the next show.

28

I worked at a video game store and a guy came in and asked if we accepted “The American Express Gold Card”. I’d worked retail for a while and had people ask if we accepted American Express, but never the type of card (which if you accept AMEX - you accept all AMEXs"

He asked for a video game console which we kept in the back - I was able to keep an eye on him while retrieving this, but could tell from the back of the store something was up - as he pulled out a “gold” card with a White border on it (which AMEX doesn’t have).

I acted like nothing was wrong and rang it up and said "ok - they total is $$$.$$. He handed me a card that I’m assuming was from some catalog company or something - and said “gold card” on it. I said "I’m sorry, I thought you said Amerrican Express gold card. ". He insisted that is what it was. After some arguing I said - “tell you what - I’ll run it - and if it goes through - you are all set.” The card didn’t even read. I told heir "sorry, but we have no way to bill this to Amex cause the card won’t read - I’m sure if you call Amex when you get home - they’ll be happy to straighten it out for you.

====

Another guy was a little more clever. We sold Sega Genesis cartridges - and no matter who the manufacture/designer was - they all came in identical plastic cartridges with just different artwork and printing for instructions. All except for electronic arts which made their own cartridges. The reason this is significant is that EA cartridges used Philips head screws - while the Sega Genesis ones used a security screw that wasn’t generally available.

A kid came in and asked our return policy and I told him 30 days with a receipt. He claimed to be buying it as a birthday gift. He bought what was the most popular game at the time (the name escapes me) Ok - no problem. Ring him up - and 15 minutes later he comes in - a little nervous - to return the opened game. At the time this wasn’t a a problem with our policy, but I just knew something was up. I plugged it into our display Sega Genesis and it started flashing and appeared defective. Now I had sold thousands of cartridges - not a single one was ever defective.

“Ok - one second - I’ll be right back”

I went into the back and grabbed a Phillips head. Unscrewed the cartridge casing and found inside all that was there was the guts had been turned around 180 degrees. Luckily the guts had helpfully printed on it “Jordan vs Bird” which was about the least popular game of the time.

I handed the three pieces and the screws back to him and said “Nice Try”. I think he was in shock - he quickly left the store.

29

The thing is, I was in Southern California. Yes, it was in the Mojave Desert; but it was still Los Angeles County!

The guy who wanted to see your nuts… Did he say, ‘Nuts that ya put onto bolts!’?

I don’t know if I’ve ever jokingly called Hi-C ‘Hic’. I hope the woman didn’t think that’s how it was actually pronounced! ‘Shake cheese’ I knew immediately. (But I grate my own with a microplane.) I also have seen long packages of candy, so I had an idea what ‘yard candy’ is; though I couldn’t tell you what kind of ‘what’ it is.

You know/knew all of the high schools in youd county? :eek: I can think of five in the Antelope Valley, where I was at the time.

.

30

Johnny, people pronounce things in the silliest ways.

I worked at a liquor and had someone ask for rose wine. Not ROSAY, but rose, like the flower.

And at the cafe where I work now someone asked for a slice of quicky. They meant quiche.

31

Times like this, I remember why I came back here…

32

All I have to do to remember high schools was think about the football games we lost. EVERYONE beat(s) us. We generally get even by owning the company you work for.

And yes, all of my examples were people who were sincere in their questions. I left out stuff like the two teen girls who were giggling self-consciously while asking where to find nuts.

But I remember the frat pledge who came in with a shopping list written by his (future) brothers. He’d found everything on the list except for one item and asked me where to find it. When he said it, I really didn’t think I’d heard him right and looked at the list. Sure enough, the one item not crossed off was “Clitoral Juice.” He said he’d been told that it was in “the Asian section.” Being a good soul, I immediately sent him to the assistant manager (a dignified older man who loved Beavis and Butthead) for help since I knew he’d love this. I also made sure to tell all the guys in the back and suggested maybe they could offer some help to the poor guy. Then I went home since it was the end of my shift.

33

You aren’t a SWTSU (now TSU) grad by any chance, are you?

I used to work night shift at the 7-Eleven on Riverside Drive in Austin, back when dinosaurs still roamed the Earth. And this was far enough back that booze sales used to cut off at midnight. The TABC was very fond of setting up stings on store clerks for bad booze sales, and we had to pay the fine, the store didn’t. As a result, I carded everyone and was really meticulous.

I had a guy come in at about 11:45 one night. He grabs a couple of six packs, brings them to the counter and I card him. His 21st birthday is the next day. Since this was exactly the kind of bullshit that TABC would try to pull, I wouldn’t sell it to him. He got really bent and kept on with the “It’s only 15 minutes, man, come on, we’re having a party yaddayadda…”. Finally, he says, “Okay, I’ll just wait.”

He puts the beer back in the cooler and stands there watching the clock. As soon as it hit midnight, he grabs the beer, comes back to the counter, and…I told him I couldn’t sell it to him because booze sales shut down at midnight.

I thought he was going to blow a blood vessel in his skull. My buddy, W.B., who had stopped in earlier nearly soiled his skivvies laughing at the whole thing.

34

Yes.

This wouldn’t have been back around the early Eighties, would it? I’m going to feel very strange to think that I used to conclude drug deals in your convenience store…

35

I’m class of 1977. My 7-Eleven days were 71-72. And I wouldn’t be surprised about the store. It was not a good location to start with and that area went downhill fairly fast. I had to put up with enough bums and druggies when I was there, I can only imagine what it went down to.

The 7-Elevens were bought out in Austin in the late 70s if I recall correctly. I think Stop-N-Go bought them out. I just Googled the address and the store is now a First Stop, whatever that is.

36

[hijack]
Austin has 7-11s, so if they were once bought out, they’re back.
Personally my favorite Austin “inconvenience” store is one named “Wag-a-Bag.” Wag your what? Yeah, that’s exactly where my mind goes.
[/hijack]

37

I used to hate the extremely stoned/high/suspiciously young stroke victims in the 24 hour grocery I’d pop into at night. They would forget why they were in line, what they were doing there, or the very concept of exchanging money for goods.

:smack:

You’d get in the back of them at fast food places too at the flipping drive through!

Yes I was young and dumb enough I did not call the police, and neither did the employees.

38

Thanks for asking. I would have had to.

39

I worked at the gift shop in a hotel when I was in high school. Once, a kindly older German couple came in. Their English was very limited, but they were in search of soap (which we didn’t carry). I was in the process of explaining to them that we didn’t have this item, and that they should ask the front desk, when the older lady spotted exactly what she was looking for on the shelf behind me:

Douche.

She was very pleased to have found what she was looking for, helpfully labeled in her native language! At 16, male, and with no ability to speak German, I was helpless to explain that this wasn’t the cleaning agent she had been seeking. I mean, she got that I was trying to explain that this wasn’t the right product, but she was struggling what this product was used for.

I was contemplating pantomime when she and her husband finally gave up and left.

40

There were 7-11s in Austin in the eighties; I frequented the one across from Austin Books, and another one on Guadalupe. The one on Guadalupe was still there and in business when I left Texas.

That being said, I don’t remember if the store that you and I are talking about was a 7-11 at the time I would have been visiting it. It was a convenience store; I remember that much.