When the weekend looms on the calendar, that means one thing: an overdose of football. And beer, chips and salsa, and pizza. Absolute Heaven.
We all usually get together at somebody’s place because a) it’s cheaper and 2) we can insult one another far more creatively. It has become my habit to bring more beer than necessary because we never know how many guys are going to show up and, God knows, you don’t want to run out in the middle of the fourth quarter.
So I usually get one of those big honkin’ 18 packs at 7 Eleven. But we’re going to a sports bar this time and so I just get one of those four bangers for myself. (They’re the tall ones so just one goes a long way.)
I put the beer on the counter and the kid looks at me and says, “Didn’t you mean to get one of the suitcases? I mean, you usually get the suitcase.”
I am confused at first. Is he suggesting that this was some silly mistake and that I’ll slap my forehead and say, “Of course, thank you for reminding me.”
Then it slowly dawns on me that what he is *really *saying is, “I mean, you are an alcoholic, right?”
Now maybe he’s trying to be courteous or friendly or chatty. No matter; I am now seriously pissed off. What I want to tell him is to f#%k the f#%k off. But I pride myself on my politefullness. That and the fact that he might have a gun under the counter.
So instead, I simply say, “No this is what I want. Would you ring it up? I’m in a hurry.”
I personally hate it when any clerk at a cash register makes any comments at all on what I am buying (with the possible exception of “did you know these are 5 for the price of 4 so one more would be free?”). You’re a clerk. Don’t try to be my friend or my product advisor or anything else. Just ring it up and let me get out of here.
I don’t get that stuff very often, I think it’s because I have cultivated a face that is very business-like and that doesn’t invite casual conversation.
Roddy
Yeah, I think he was just being friendly. Sometimes attempts to be friendly seem stupid if you dissect them, but really, I think he was just noticing that you were diverging from the usual. I’ve had the opposite happen: people will ask me if I’m having a party. No, but I really don’t want to come back here more than once a week.
I’ve got to say, the guy at the liquor store is practically the single guy I want most to forget me. Only the guy at the vibrator store needs to forget my face faster.
Am I missing something? It’s as though you buy a pack of Marlboros every day, but one day you ask for Eves, and he takes notice. All this guy knows about you is what you bring to him to ring up each time, so that’s what he noticed. You’re reading too much into it.
I used to shop at this one particular convenience store just for the insults.
One, in the morning, the clerk said “Are you really going to work dressed like that?”
Another morning, he questioned my purchase of coffee and cigarettes. “Breakfast of champions,” I said. He replied “I thought that was gin and marijuana.”
Another time, I was buying a single beer for some BBQ sauce, and had my ID out because they had a sign up that said “We ID under 35” and I was well under that. He said “Oh, come on. Do you really get carded all that much anymore?”
I think you’re overreacting. I don’t drink, and my trips to the local convenience store is for the occasional bottle of Pepsi. I’ve done it often enough that they’ve remembered me, and they’ve commented on it since apparently most people pop into convenience stores to grab booze. It’s just someone being friendly.
Yes, by pointing out the true fact that you usually buy more beer and were buying less on this occasion, he was absolutely suggesting that you’re an alcoholic. You should have come back later, drunk, and killed him.
I get the beer thing too, only it’ll happen when I’m not buying any amount of beer.
Juice, chips, etc., on the counter.
“What, you not going to get any beer?”
“You know I completely forgot the beer, but now that you’ve reminded me (thanks!), I’ll be getting a case. How did I ever make it through life without you!? And if I am an alcoholic, it’s still none of your goddamned business.” :rolleyes:
I once boycotted a store for two years because the clerk pulled this.
If I was a clerk and a guy usually bought beer by the suitcase I’d probably assume he was either 1) an alcoholic or 2) had lots of buddies, but above all else as long as he wasn’t drunk and driving when he came in I couldn’t care less. I don’t think he meant it as anything other than an observation.
This one time, I went into the liquor store, got my case of Zima XXX Hard Green Apple and made my way to the checkout, as is my wont.
This mealymouthed motherfucker behind the register - get this - he’s all like “oh, hey, dude, you aren’t usually wearing a diaper when you come in here. What’s up with that?” And at first I was like, uh, yes, I usually am. I just wear pants over them. Thanks for your concern, like what the fuck? Then it hit me. Diaper. Oh, like I’m a baby, right? Fucking punk.
Some days that’s almost as annoying. Our local Trader Joe’s must teach their people to be nosy:** “Hey, grillin’ mango sausages, and marinating 'em in beer…”** “Actually, it’s my next door neighbor that I’m marinating.” That was what I said… I wanted to say “Makin’ copies…”
But just tonight the sorority-girl cashier looked at my lamb tips and wine, and said, “Ooh, big plans tonight?” And I finally did it: “If I did… they’d be none of your business.” But I said it with an arched eyebrow and a smile, so she laughed and said she asks because she’s stuck behind the register and lives vicariously through her customers. So then i made up an outrageously cosmopolitan evening involving a casino in Zurich, a microchip heist, an ambassador’s estranged wife… and lamb tips.
But still, i’ve had to bite my tongue probably twenty times to keep from saying* “None of your business.”*
