Just What Jersey Needs: Creepy-Ass Swamp Trolls

Ok, I know that certain pics can have all kinds of tricks of light and shadow.

I’m also reasonably sure that little swamp trolls are not scampering around in New Jersey, smiling malevolent little grins at unsuspecting hikers with cameras.

Still, this certainly gets filed in the “fricking creepy” section of my web site.

What are you talking about? Swamp trolls are valid members of our society. Bigot

Hey, someone took a picture of the Jersey Devil!

There’s water in Jersey that doesn’t kill plants?

Later in his life, a bored and disillusioned Yoda turned his attention to lurking in the Dagobah swamps in a filthy old raincoat and flashing unsuspecting space travellers: “Seen one this big before, have you? Mmmm?”

Oh please, this one’s just trying to cash in on the fame of his older and slightly more famous brother the Travelocity Gnome.

Is that his pet lion, to his left and down? Measure in the pic about an inch to the left of the troll and down a little there’s what looks like a brown lion head.
Or maybe I’ve had enough coffee…

But he’s a happy little troll, look at him grinning. Um, that is a grin, right? right?

Yeah, that’s certainly the creepiest looking tree stump I’ve ever seen.


This may be the most Mundane and Pointless thing I’ve ever seen. Don’t get out in the woods much, do ya? (No snarkiness intended)

The picture is fuzzy.

But I’d say it’s either a possum, or a very large bat, out in the day for some reason.

Jeebus. Why in the samhell do Jersey Swamp Trolls wear overcoats?

At least here in Minnesota, they go around as god intended them.*

That is nearly as frightening as the bear stumps my wife always sees when we’re hiking. Vicious, man eating bear stumps, I tells ya.
[sup]*[/sup]With seersucker suits on, of course.

That is definitely what’s known in the business as your average, everyday Procyon lotor. Or raccoon.

Don’t worry, it probably got eaten by that giant lizard that was heading towards it in the middle of the pic.

What? You’ve never seen a Rodent Of Unusual Size befire?


At first I thought it must indeed be a scary-looking stump, but if you look at the bottom, doesn’t it sure look like it has two individually-articulated legs? And it sure looks like it has a straw hat of some kind on it. So now I think it must be some kind of scarecrow. But why would somebody set up a scarecrow in the middle of a swamp? Unless it was for a Halloween prank of some kind … or because they decided that thing was just too frickin’ creepy to have in their garden warding off crows, and trekked out into the swamp to chuck it.

Or maybe I’m just seeing things … and now that I look closer, I think that those aren’t two individual legs, because what I took to be space between the legs with greenish swamp behind it is actually a plant growing in front of the legs, it seems. But even then, there’s what looks like a solid black object under the lighter-colored upper portion of the thing. Could it be a black stump that has been dressed up like a scarecrow?

Or maybe the black part is the portion of the stump that was, until recently, submerged by swamp water, while the lighter-colored upper portion was out of the water and is dry. But the boundary between the two doesn’t look straight like the sort of line you would expect such a scenario to produce … so maybe it is actual clothing on some underlying object.

Either way, this thing sure is nightmarish, especially since I started looking at it just as a commercial for The Grudge came on – the one with the floating-down-in-the-closet head that looks somewhat similar to this stump’s evil visage.

By the way, do you have any idea when that was taken, Hal Briston? It says hopefully the greenery will have died off in “a month or two” so that the New Jersey Swamp Troll will, if there’s a merciful God in the universe, be visible again and can be proven to be an inanimate, non-stalking-human-flesh-in-the-night-creature thing. Any idea when that month or two will be up?

It looks like an old dead leaf hanging from a stick.

The only reason that you might think it looks like a troll is because that website says it looks like a troll, so we tell ourselves “oh, yeah it kinda does.”

If you were shown that picture and asked what you saw, nobody would ever find anything out of the ordinary. Even if it were zoomed into the so-called “troll.” What a crock.

I have to disagree. My wife showed me that picture without any of the backstory, and I immediately saw the creepy tree stump (or whatever) and said “What is that, some kind of swamp monster?”

In fact, I would never have thought it wasn’t something deliberately created to look scary if I hadn’t later read the “It must be a stump, right?” and the speculation here.

Kinda reminds me of pictures you sometimes see posted out here in Colorado where mountain lions are known to roam as a warning to be watchful and show you how easily a mountain lion blends into the environment.

It shows a regular family photo out on a mountain trail, mom and baby smiling happily for the camera. Then it has a circle drawn around the mountain lion that was hanging out in the background only a hundred feet away or so. Apparently they didn’t even known the lion was in the picture until they got it developed and noticed it.

Scary stuff, and the message comes through loud and clear. You may not see it until after its eating you :wink: